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AIBU to just accept my limitations and to stop pushing myself.

(18 Posts)
fibromum Tue 25-Nov-14 09:48:28

I have fibromyalga. Was diagnosed 8 years ago. I only get painkillers from the dr's on a repeat prescription and get no other form of treatment (not sure what else there is).

I have 2 kids and work part time. I am just shattered every day and in pain a lot.

To anyone looking at me there doesn't look much wrong with me other than black shaddows under my eyes but I am finding it harder to cope. one day at work (office job) and I get home and just want to cry with exhaustion.

I am very lucky I have 3 days off during the week when everyone is at school/work and I try to keep on top of housework, shopping, admin etc but I have now got to the stage when I want to just accept I just can't and that I need to go back to bed for a few hours and to stop worrying that I am being lazy and feeling quilty.

DH is very supportive and happy to step up and do what needs doing even though he does a physical job. The kids are not babies and can (and do) fend for themselves I suppose it is just guilt that I find I can't just accept there are things I just can't do and that rest is the only thing I can do.

So after my long ramble I suppose I am asking AIBU to just give in and accept that most days I just can't do things and to rest and ignore the housework etc.

Nabootique Tue 25-Nov-14 09:50:20

YANBU! Give yourself a break, for the love of MN!

LadyLuck10 Tue 25-Nov-14 09:50:58

Yadnbu, you need to take care of yourself when you Are not feeling well. thanks

furcoatbigknickers Tue 25-Nov-14 09:52:32

Of course your hesltch comes first. I nap when ds naps most days.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 25-Nov-14 09:53:12

Seriously you need a couple of duvet days a week. There is no guilt needed. Youve paid your dues and you are unwell. You need to start taking it easier.

If you give yourself,say, Tuesday and Thursday as total rest days, it may ease the guilt. Its also amazing what I can get done in one day if I know I can totally sit back the next day.

Please rest up.

WreckTheHalls Tue 25-Nov-14 09:55:01

I think if you truly accept your limitations, you'll remove a massive layer of stress and guilt that you are putting on yourself.

On your days off, how about getting your rest but giving yourself one or two achievable tasks to do, so that you can genuinely relax once they're done?

You could also think about how you better delegate household chores. Are the kids ready to step it up a bit?

Your physical and mental health are paramount x

fibromum Tue 25-Nov-14 10:31:58

Thank you for the kind replies.

I am sitting in work (shhhh) and about to fall asleep thinking the house is a tip and things that need doing but you are all right I need to just accept and have a duvet day when needed (though i'm sure it's guilt that stops me resting)

I used to always nap when the kids did but at 10 & 13 they no longer nap lol

They do do things round the house (when bribed) but between honework and after school stuff some days we just run out of time.

I have for the past 2 weeks done online shopping and that helped a lot so will stick to that.

I have to laugh though when people ask me when I am going back to work FT if only they knew what a 2 day week does to me.

I know I sound all woe is me but I am sat listening to what everyone did last night after work like going to the gym etc and I crawled up the stairs and got straight into my pj's and bed sad

To be fair we as a family need to be organised too that way things wont build up and stress me.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Tue 25-Nov-14 10:41:01

Could you draft up an easy checklist for the week with jobs for everyone? Then just run through the same one each week.

On the days you work, have dh and the kids make dinner while you have a nice bath.

On, say, a Saturday morning, have a two hour Family Cleaning window - all hands on deck for two hours all four of you (kids are old enough to strip beds, run the vac over, empty the little bins etc). Then everyone has Saturday afternoon to rest.

With the laundry - get the kids a weeks worth of shirts and trousers then have them bung them all in the wash friday night.

If they are in packed lunches, put them on school dinners so prepping lunches is now not needed.

WaroftheRoses Tue 25-Nov-14 10:55:41

Started a post OP but it just got a bit to long and personal so have sent it as a

WaroftheRoses Tue 25-Nov-14 10:57:44

Oh yes-the friends and peers who are all training for marathons or climbing Mount Kili or getting into National squads for their hobbies.....

When all you want to do is feed the kids and get to bed....

furcoatbigknickers Tue 25-Nov-14 15:56:32

Your dcs are hold enough to help and take your point about time. Can you all do an hour ir two at the weekend? I find getting everyone involved makes a big difference and thats with a 13, 10, a stroppy work shy 5 year old and just 2 year old!

WeirdCatLady Tue 25-Nov-14 16:01:14

You only have so many spoons each day. Time to look after yourself.

Have you had a look for online support? Have a look on FMAUK?

Monathevampire1 Tue 25-Nov-14 16:51:48

Fibromum you need to look after yourself, go back to your GP and tell them your not coping with the pain etc there may be other drugs or therapy they can offer. is a web site that may help.

Also have you applied for a PIP yet? it's basically the new form of DLA. You might need some support filling the forms in as they want you to answer in specific ways but it's really worth applying. The extra income might mean you could get a cleaner in to help you. Good luck.

hippoinamudhole Tue 25-Nov-14 16:53:44

I was about to say Google the spoon theory but wierdcatlady beat me to itsmile

BendyMum15 Tue 25-Nov-14 18:58:36

I have Ehler Danlos Syndrome and have had to accept that I just can't do everything but thats OK.
I try to pace so that I know eventually things will get done but its hard as I often want things done straight away.
I have days when all I do is play with my DC and ignore the housework - as long as its noy filthy a little bit of dust is OK and I gave up on ironing ages ago.
Be kind to yourself and look after your health as you need to do that before you can look after anyone else!

tilliebob Tue 25-Nov-14 19:11:01

I'm the same, have fibro and work 3 days a week. I am permanently shattered. 3 dcs and a DH who works shifts.

It's hard, so hard to accept your limitations and because it's a hidden condition people find it hard to understand. Nowadays, I find power napping whenever I can helps - I used to have trouble falling asleep - now I could sleep on a clothes line!

Slutbucket Tue 25-Nov-14 19:16:27

I've been recently diagnosed with fibro and I literally feel your pain!! I've accepted my limitations but you are not on all the medication. Anti depressants can also help, physio might also help. I think some doctors know more about it than others so you could ask to see another one.

fibromum Tue 25-Nov-14 21:07:13

Thanks for the supportive replies, shame so many of us have this.

Well I made it till this time before crawling into bed smile Working week over for me thank god.

So tomorrow I am going to take my laptray to bed and work on a rota for the housework and get the kids involved. Thankfully most after school activitys have stopped for xmas so this will be the first Wed I don't have to rush about.

Could get a cleaner but I am the type of person who would feel the need to clean and tidy for them comming lol (i know i am my own worst enemy)

I will say though I deal far better with the pain than I do the tiredness. If I can crack that I would be laughing.

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