AIBU or is DH regarding guests?(68 Posts)
Sounds like my idea of hell. Visitors twice a year is all I can manage.
HIBU to invite people constantly knowing that a) you don't want them and b) he'll have a jolly old time while you do all the grunt work.
Tell him to stop inviting people. Full stop.
If he wants them to have s home cooked meal he can bloody organise it and cook it!
Yanbu if you are anything like me the run up to Xmas can be manic with visitors and School stuff etc, my diary is choca and I have yet to sort out some visitors!
You're not 'anti-social', you've understandably come to associate social life with running a free one-woman hotel! Of course YANBU. If your husband wants people to stay, then he cooks and cleans for them.
He is being a dick. Tell him to do all the sorting out and cooking himself.
This would piss me off and i wouldn't put up with it. I love having visitors, during the day or for a bite to eat/drink in the evening.
I dont have people sleep over, its unnecessary and annoying IMO. I like having my own space and freedom to please myself in my own home! Plenty of budget hotels/b&b/travel lodges etc.
Just tell him it stops now!
If he invites people then he cooks and cleans for them.
Why do you have to do it all?
Tell him they are more than welcome and you will keep their drinks topped up and he can do the rest.
Or just ask him to do one weekend and see what effort it is.
List everything you have to do!!
My goodness, I have people over to stay about once a month to 6 weeks.
That is plenty.
When do YOU get to relax?
YANBU. Tell him that when he does the work involved in having people to stay, then he gets to decide how much is too much. Until then the 'staff' are going on strike.
He is being totally U. So what if you are a SAHM. At the weekends, you surely both get to relax a bit from your week day job? When in fact you are being given extra work to do. Tell him that he can invite friends when he is properly prepared to host them himself. Why can't he provide the home cooked meal that his friends want?
'Sounds lovely darling. What are you cooking them? Don't forget to get the guest room ready.'
If he's inviting all these people why the hell are you doing all the shopping, organising and cooking?
If he wants these people to stay tell him to bloody well get on with it! It's easy for him, invite people and you do all the work. Well don't! He might stop doing it if he has to do the leg work.
YANBU! He is. My DH is more sociable than me but thankfully he needs free weekends so we achieve a balance. He pulls his weight with tidying, cooking etc. otherwise I would have gone on strike by now! Have you tried explaining the amount of work you have to do when you have guests? Saying that people expect a home-cooked meal ... I'd be telling him to cook it in that case!
You are being a martyr OP, just say no and point him in the direction of the kitchen. You being a sahm is irrelevant.
Oh god...my dh is exactly the same! It used to really piss me off, especially when our hospitality was not reciprocated! As if I am running some sort of free hotel/restaurant! I would clean the house before they came, shop for food, cook, serve, clear up and clean the house once they left! Like you I'm a sahm so everyone thinks its fine for me to wait on them hand and foot!
Anyway, I stopped doing it! If people come over now, you should say to your dh thats lovely but you will need to sort the food out...visitors will become much less frequent believe me!
Does he work at weekends? If not, your being a SAHM is irrelevant, he must pull his weight.
How would he cope with all these guests if you were both working FT? He'd have to do his bit on weekday evenings too. Oh, hang on, you do both work FT, you doing childcare, hmm.
He thinks you're his personal servant, frankly. I bet he loves being the sociable, gracious, oh so laid back and welcoming host, when he doesn't have to do any of the work.
The lack of invitations back is very telling indeed. Other people don't have the same expectations or sense of obligation. They're just very happy to take advantage of your free hotel and catering service.
At this point, after so much piss-taking on his part, I'd leave him too it for a weekend.
p.s. Stop ironing sheets, ever.
You may be a SAHM but at weekends you should have equal amounts of leisure time.
Of course he likes inviting them to stay - he gets to show off what a fabulous set up he has and his lovely wife who does everything while he sits about like he's in the 1950s.
Ask him what he's cooking for the home cooked meal.
You iron sheets? Sorry but you're just making work for yourself there. Stop doing it.
Stop letting your DH treat you like the maid. Of course he likes hosting, he has to do fuck all.
Oh and yes, sheets don't need ironing. Stop it.
And get him to make up the beds, wash some of the bathrooms. He invited them, he gets to do some of the work.
That's without even getting into the issue of it being your home too, your needs and wishes being important so, even if you were sharing the work equally, you'd be entirely reasonable to say 'enough entertaining, I want us to enjoy our home as a family / have a quiet night in / get some DIY done'.
Yanbu, he is massively disrespectful towards you for not even discussing it with you before inviting guests. How rude of him. He takes you for granted. Let him cancel with his friends.
Tell him that sitting enjoying a meal with friends is being 'social'. Spending three hours in the kitchen cooking for them is 'work'. Sorting out the house before and after their visit is also work. Social is fun. Work is not fun. He gets the fun part of this arrangement, the 'social' part of it, and you don't.
Tell him that for the next set of guests, you are expecting him to get the house ready, make the meal, do the washing up, etc, etc, etc, while you sit and enjoy being 'social' with the guests.
Once they've gone, and he's done the laundry, you can discuss word definitions a bit further.
YANBU. This would be my idea of hell-fortunately for me it is my husband's too! I can't believe he can guilt trip you by asking what is he going to tell his friend! It sounds like you are getting into a situation where friends expect to stay with you and be looked after because you always do it. It is totally unreasonable to have that many visitors and not to have the invitation returned and totally unreasonable to not have the majority of weekends to yourselves as a family.
Does he come from a family that has this kind of open house policy? That may explain it a little-we have friends who rarely have an empty house-their friends, their adult kids friends, friends of friends-they are almost a crash pad for anyone with a tenuous link to any members of the family. But they seem happy with constant company, are both at home and both enjoy cooking and entertaining
Even if you aren't as sociable as he is then still YANBU. It is your home too and if you don't want it to be full of
his friends that you have to look after then he should respect that and you should be able to come to a compromise. I wonder if so many of his friends would come to visit if they had to fork out for somewhere to stay.....
His would piss me right off. Stand your ground. Go out or no guests.
So he wants to be Lord Grantham, and he doesn't give a shiny shite that that leaves you in the roles of Daisy, Mrs Patmore and some poor, unnamed housemaid?
Next time he invites visitors round, Naruthirdis, you need to have a strategic bout of flu, timed so it is too late for him to put off his visitors, so he has to do all the cleaning, cooking and entertaining - then maybe he will appreciate how much hard work it is.
Or tell him, you will carry on entertaining if, and only if, he does ALL of the necessary work for one weekend's guests - make out a list of all the things you would do, including the shopping and a full menu - and present it to him. When he has experienced firsthand, how much work it actually is, ask him if he would be happy to have to do that every bloody weekend!
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