I am so lucky. I have three wonderful children who mean the world to me. I have a house, I have a job. I have a crazy little dog, a sweet rabbit and a cat who like to sit on my lap during the evening. But as Christmas approaches, my mind keeps focusing on what I don't have.
I don't have my dad anymore. Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas without being at my parents with him in a silly jumper and making jokes. Mum and I barely talk anymore (toxic relationship, long backstory that people who "know" me here are aware of) and anyway she is off away for Christmas so won't be here. My sister lives away so I won't see any family at all. Of course I know my DCs are my family. I am looking forward to being with them all day. It just feels wrong though.
I also got divorced in February, so no DH. It's just going to be us, and me thinking about previous Christmases. And how different this will be. No partner, no friends will come as they all have "proper families", and no extended family. I'm worried. I don't want to spoil Christmas for my DCs by focusing on what is missing.
And it isn't a random worry - my older two DCs (10 and 9), well I was married to their dad, and the first Christmas after we divorced I ended up having to take them with me up to A and E Christmas morning as I had become so upset I ended up harming myself. I am so so scared that the same will happen again.
AIBU to be so worried about what is "just a day"? Any advice on how to survive the emotional minefield to ensure my DCs have the magical day that they really truly deserve?
I guess it doesn't matter if I am being unreasonable or not, it is how I feel.... I see a counselor very regularly and will take this up with him too.
I know probably a lot of people would jump at the chance not to be involved in complex family dynamics, and spending time with "not so dear" family members. Actually though, I would love that. But there isn't anyone else. It's just me and my three, and I am so worried.
And I know I am lucky, that's why I started the post how I did. It is just hard to get things into perspective.
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AIBU?
to be a bit worried about Christmas, and wondering if people can give a bit of advice.
19 replies
wavesandsmiles · 24/11/2014 12:10
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