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to say f**k you to DH and do it anyway!

(77 Posts)
candyflossy7 Mon 24-Nov-14 02:48:42

DH and I have been arguing none stop for the last two weeks over this and with a newborn it's the last thing we need!

DS just turned six weeks today so I wanted to start a bedtime routine to help him tell the difference between night and day. For the past 3 weeks he hasn't been getting to sleep until 2am/3am but mostly 3am, crying and fussiness starts from around 10pm right until he falls asleep at those times, we've tried everything from feeds, winding, napping changing but he still cries and refuses to sleep. He doesn't cry continuously, he can be calmed for a few minutes before starting again so I assume it's not colic and he's over tired therefore I was hoping a bedtime routine would help him?

Is anyone else's LO's like this? If so for how long? Anyone have any example routines for a 6 week old?

AIBU to say f**k this and do it anyway whether DH agrees or not?

Please help before DH and I lose our sanity ....and maybe our marriage!!

Suefla62 Mon 24-Nov-14 02:56:32

Mine did this at about the same time. Lasted about six weeks or so. Hang in there it does get better.

Newlywed2013 Mon 24-Nov-14 02:58:03

I have an 11 week old and she got herself into a routine once I had figured out her pattern of when she feeds (ff) I then started bringing feeds forward she used to have milk at 6am 10am 3pm 6pm 9pm midnight but where I wanted to bring her last feed forward to half ten I just started getting her bottle ready 10 mins earlier so for example she would have a bottle 10 to the hour, then next day 20 to the hour, but as I said she out herself into her own little routine! Follow your instincts! I'm yet to ready any book on what should be done! I have listened to things hv and mw's told me but then followed what feels right! You have instincts for a reason do what you feel is best you know your baby best as you carried you baby for 9 months

Good luck! Lack of sleep is a killer!

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 24-Nov-14 03:56:58

Routines and night and day awareness at 6 weeks old? Is that a typo did you mean to write sixteen weeks?

LowCarbHeaven Mon 24-Nov-14 04:02:27

Six weeks is too early to try and teach night and day routines. Just let them be newborns and follow their lead with when they need to eat/sleep.

calmexterior Mon 24-Nov-14 04:07:20

Try not to argue, enjoy your little bundle and go with the flow. I wouidn't exhaust yourselves worrying about routine so early on, all sounds perfectly normal for 6 weeks. Can you hold baby in shifts so you both get some sleep?

Bulbasaur Mon 24-Nov-14 04:32:43

The first few weeks are the hardest. They really are. It's the time you are not only adjusting to the drastic change in routine, but you are also adjusting to the drastic change in dynamics of your relationship. You now have to share your time with DH, you've never had to do that before. Don't underestimate what a big change that is.

Most couples get stressed during this time. DH and I were bickering quite a bit and feeling like we were room mates more than a couple. But once you settle down and adjust to the new change it gets better. It's easier as they get older and give more feedback like smiling too. Right now, it's just demands with no reward. Hang in there.

Babies do not stick to routines. Ours is 7 months and we barely have a routine. We have a ball park bed time, but if she is awake, we're just out of luck for the night. If you do a routine at this point, it's for your benefit only. As your baby gets older and active more during the day when you interact with them and stimulate them more they'll naturally be more sleepy at night. I think at six weeks DD only slept 2 hours at a time at night, and only in a swing. Now she sleeps 5 hours a night.. and we're having a painful time crib breaking her.

Speaking of which, do you have a swing you can put him in? Car ride? It's not the best thing, but sleep deprivation and a stressful home life will be worse for him than a mechanical rocker. Short cuts are ok at this point.

You and your DH need to find a system. With us, DH does night shift, I take the baby in the morning while he sleeps in.

Take care of yourselves. Let him go to the pub for a bit, then you can do the same the next night. Do you have family or friends that could take DS for a night, or even an afternoon?

butterfliesinmytummy Mon 24-Nov-14 04:41:58

I really feel for you, lack of sleep is terrible.

Does your ds nap in daylight during the day? You need his circadian rhythms to kick in and his melatonin to regulate. Make sure he naps in daylight (curtains open) and he will start to sleep longer at night. My pediatrician told me this for dd2 and it worked well, not in getting into a routine (never really had one of those!) but in sleeping longer during the night and less during the day. Wish I'd known about it for dd1 too.....

purplemurple1 Mon 24-Nov-14 04:42:02

At 5 week's I spent a weekend entirely in the bedroom so ds had to get use to sleeping there. We then had set bedtime when we went up to the room, blinds down, low noise level etc. It defiantly helped him get the hang of night times.
So I'd just get on with it.

Goingintohibernation Mon 24-Nov-14 04:59:05

If it's what you want to do I'd say go for it. It can't possibly do any harm, and it might help.

holls2000 Mon 24-Nov-14 05:36:38

we started a routine before 6 weeks mainly cos my mum was staying and suggested it. bath around 6-7.15 (depending on feed times) feed in bedroom with lights down and soft music playing, cuddles and quiet stories and the sound of the sea. ds generally sleeps 8-11.15, 12-3, 3.30-5.30 (last one a bit of a killer) and I am tryibg to show him that 5.30 is not getting up time!!! his naps during day vary sometimes he is v awake for most of tge day, other times he sleeps a lot. he is 9 weeks.

candyflossy7 Mon 24-Nov-14 07:01:33

I know I know routine at this age can sound ridiculous to some but I'm at my wits end! DH flat out refuses to do any night feeds since he has work at 8:30 the next morning which I understand but I'm exhausted and willing to try anything at this point. sad

DS naps during the day for at least two to three hours each stretch and wakes for his feeds with the room bright and noisy then bedroom quiet and dark ect but he still won't sleep until 3am. DH takes the car to work (I honestly wouldn't be in any state for a late night car ride) his swing used to be a god send until its charm suddenly wore off and co sleeping was the only thing that got him to rest at night.

It wouldn't be so bad but he's just so hard to settle sometimes, the crying is the worst and prefers to be rocked which combined with the exhaustion is making me feel like my back is broke! Staring at DH sleeping peacefully each night is a bloody torture as well! envy

bigbluestars Mon 24-Nov-14 07:04:36

It sounds like colic. In which case a bad time to start a bedtikme routine. In any case far too young anyway- your OH is right. My first child was feeding hourly at this age. ( breastfed- so OH couldn't help anyway)

LaurieFairyCake Mon 24-Nov-14 07:08:23

You are going to sleep when he does right? So those 2/3 hours in the afternoon are sleep time for you?

NO chores ! Turn your phone off at that time.

When he does get to sleep at 3am, when does he then wake? He's not only sleeping 6 hours total in 24 is he?

purplemurple1 Mon 24-Nov-14 07:09:05

Does you oh not have two days off a week when he can help with nights so you have at least on full nights sleep a week?
Also could he have baby in the ev

ftmsoon Mon 24-Nov-14 07:12:09

Your last sentence is why I slept on the sofa when DD was that little. it was also co-sleeping in a way I felt comfortable with. Ie her in a swaddle, next to me under my own blanket.
At this age, you can try and teach day and night but it's hard. You are fighting thousands of years of evolution. At 6.5 months DD is only just beginning to realise she can't have everything her own way!!
Also you really need to try and sleep in the day. Bugger the housework, cooking etc.

YonicScrewdriver Mon 24-Nov-14 07:13:58

Your DH needs to do more. Even if it's one night. Even if you go to bed at 8pm and he wakes you at midnight to take over.

Crazeeladee Mon 24-Nov-14 07:14:12

We did this with DD1 when she was six weeks, after two nights she was sleeping through from 9-9, we did try it with DD2 from the exact same time but she was completely different. If she's ready for that routine, she will do it x

YonicScrewdriver Mon 24-Nov-14 07:14:55

There's nothing wrong with a bath time routine etc but I think you need an immediate change ie someone else doing their share.

Crazeeladee Mon 24-Nov-14 07:15:17

I have to add, with DD1, it was mainly due to pressure from my mil, it just happened to work!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Mon 24-Nov-14 07:22:43

Why is your DH so set against,especially when he sleeps through it anyway?

I mean, a night time routine won't do shit in terms of affecting your baby's sleep patterns but why is he so bothered? Surely if you're in charge anyway you can try whatever the hell you like, and bath and story in a quiet room is hardly going to harm the baby.

Bolshybookworm Mon 24-Nov-14 07:23:50

My dc1 did this, it was exhausting (and also a bit scary as one of us would often fall asleep with her in our arms- we were so shattered). Again, she wasn't screaming in agony, but overtired and wired until 1-2am (she also clusterfed from around 5pm). It's so exhausting, you really have my sympathies.

I don't really have any advice, as not much worked for us, just to say that they do grow out of it! Mine reduced the crying and slowly started bringing back her bedtime at about 8 weeks. The first time she went to bed at 11 felt like the most amazing thing in the world grin. Also, once she was over the evening grumpy phase, she actually turned out to be a really good sleeper and slept through most nights. Both my DC have been grumpy newborns (the crying shock) that turned into really chilled out babies. Those first couple of months are hard though.

Does your DH do his share of holding the grumpy baby? This is really a two man job- it's so tiring. My lovely MIL (they do exist!) would stay up with the baby and let us both sleep for a couple of hours when she visited- that really, really helped as well.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 24-Nov-14 07:39:27

do you sleep when she sleeps in the day?

chubbymummy Mon 24-Nov-14 07:40:46

DS was a great sleeper from very early on, though I don't know how much was down to routine and how much was just the luck of the draw.
His bedtime routine consisted of a candle lit bath followed by a gentle massage in a warm room, again lit by candles. He was then given a good feed and put into his crib. We played very gentle music during his bedtime routine and spoke to him quietly and calmly (no talking from the point of beginning to feed though). We would then slowly blow out candles and leave his music playing at a low volume (always the same song on repeat). When he woke during the night I would put his music back on and change his nappy if needed, then feed him - all without any stimulus, so no lights and no talking to him (no matter how hard I found it!).
It didn't take long for him to associate his music with sleeping and if we were away from home for a night he would adapt easily as long as we had his music with us.
He's 9 now and on the odd occasion he can't sleep he has a playlist of gentle songs on his ipod that he will drift off listening to.
Good luck and remember, this too shall pass.

PrimalLass Mon 24-Nov-14 07:45:27

We were giving a routine a go by 6 weeks. We mix-fed DS so he got a bottle at 8ish then into his moses basket. We swaddled him though so that was a definite 'it's bedtime' sign.

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