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Do I send him, or not. Confused.

(56 Posts)
Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:18:12

Yes I know I've put this on chat, but I need help.
I left my ex this time last year, he has my Ds 4 hours a week. Every so often he has my DS for a whole day. Saturday was such a day, and it has been a nightmare.

I dropped off my son, at 9 and it was arranged to pick him up at 5:30. A message was sent to my phone at 4:30 saying "Ds is asking for you". I didn't receive the message till 5 when I was at the shops. My phone signal is weak at my house.
I arrived there as quick as I could to find, DS couldn't weight bear on his left leg. Apparently he jumped off the 'big boy' side of a soft play. Ex didn't really know anything. I asked him if DS as had any calpol, but no. Nothing.

I came home, and gave him paracetamol straight away, it seemed to have no effect. So I phoned and they said it would be good to get him checked out at a minor injuries unit. The closest one is A and E.

I was Not, happy.
It turns out that Ds has a spiral fracture of his leg. (The big bone) his leg is in a short term cast.

DS is supposed to go to ex as part of the agreement, for two hours. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to seem BU.
So do I let him so?

Quitelikely Sun 23-Nov-14 21:23:43

Well accidents do happen. He did take him to a soft play.

Do you feel as though he is a risk just because of this or are there other worrying factors about his parenting?

WorraLiberty Sun 23-Nov-14 21:27:56

Is your son your ex's son as well?

Unless there's anything major you haven't told us, I'd say send him.

There are many many parents here whose kids have had accidents and they've felt dreadful that they didn't realise at first, how bad it was.

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:30:23

He EA me since DS was born. He has OCD, that does not help too.

AnyFucker Sun 23-Nov-14 21:32:26

A spiral fracture of the femur you say ? Or the tibia ?

Are you quite, quite sure of the mechanism of injury ? What did they say in A+E...were they happy with the explanation given ? Did your ex attend the appointment or leave it all to you ?

If you have concerns about your ex's parenting, I suggest you get some professional advice. There are some alarm bells ringing here, IMO.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 23-Nov-14 21:34:07

Has he given any indication as to how the accident happened,what happened,when and why he did not seek medical attention?

Chrysanthemum5 Sun 23-Nov-14 21:35:42

Well I think I'd be concerned if your child couldn't bear his weight and your ex (his dad?) hadn't thought to get it checked. It would raise questions about his ability to keep your child safe. Accidents happen, but he should have had enough sense to get the leg checked.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 23-Nov-14 21:36:46

And how old is your son?

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:41:22

My ex did not seek medical attention for DS injury.
I saw the fracture myself, on the x ray it was his Tiba. Ex has not been to any of DS routine appointments with HCP, so far. I doubt he will start now.

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:43:42

DS is 2

AnyFucker Sun 23-Nov-14 21:54:42

An A+E attendance for an injury is not a "routine" appointment.

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:57:50

I mean his jabs, and 1 year review.

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 21:59:47

His birthdays too.

AnyFucker Sun 23-Nov-14 22:01:21

What I am saying is, his failure to present his son for urgent medical care is not excused by the fact he is not involved in routine appointments.

HedgehogsDontBite Sun 23-Nov-14 22:02:16

Poor little guy, he must have been in so much pain sad

Littleturkish Sun 23-Nov-14 22:03:49

I would be worried given his inability to cope with an accident.

Did he seem concerned about his son's leg at collection?

Does he want him for visits or do you push for it?

waithorse Sun 23-Nov-14 22:04:46

Poor boy. sad

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 22:05:21

Fair enough, any
It sounds like, you all agree with my gut that Ds should miss his dad tomorrow.

AnyFucker Sun 23-Nov-14 22:07:15

Not just tomorrow, IMO

How has your son's contact with his father been organised ? Is it court ordered ?

In your position, I would be arranging an appointment with my son's health visitor to discuss the whole issue.

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 22:08:04

little not really! he did txt sorry this morning. hmm
It was when I was asking him questions, how did he fell? Where was he? Ect. Did he seemed worried.

He didn't push for his visit, but said "see you tomorrow"

AnyFucker Sun 23-Nov-14 22:08:10

It is likely your HV has been informed of the injury, btw so you may be getting contacted by them.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 23-Nov-14 22:08:49

Sounds like your DS needs some time to recover and relax with you in any case, regardless of your XDH 's parenting skills

Evilwater Sun 23-Nov-14 22:11:44

I'll txt him, and say DS has a bad nite, and needs some rest this morning.
any I don't mind! it didn't happen in my care.

Will his nursery be ok with DS in a plaster?

HedgehogsDontBite Sun 23-Nov-14 22:13:35

No I definitely wouldn't be sending him tomorrow. He needs time to rest and recover. Future contact would depend on the explanation given as to how it happened and why action wasn't taken sooner.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 23-Nov-14 22:13:54

You don't have to answer but I am wondering whether you think your XH is simply a neglectful dimwit, or whether you think the injury to DS might not have been an accident.
Of course, kids do break limbs or otherwise hurt themselves even when being watched over by perfectly competent, loving parents - that first trip to A&E is almost a parental rite of passage. But, whatever the situation, telling XH your DS is going to stay at home and take things easy is not unreasonable.
And if you do have concerns about XH parenting, stop contact and get SS/HCP/WA on your side.

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