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To think it shouldn't matter why DS is vegan?

(92 Posts)
WittyUsername102 Sun 23-Nov-14 18:13:24

DS was at his friend's house the other day, this is the first time he has eaten there. I called the parents to let them know that DS was vegan, and they said they would make sure he didn't eat any milk/eggs/meat etc.

DS came home feeling unwell, and covered in a rash, which is what happens when he has milk. Long story short, the mother told me she thought it would be a nice treat for him (ice cream), and she of course wouldn't have done it if she knew he had an allergy. She had told DS it was dairy free ice cream.

AIBU to think that she was rude to actively go against my wishes, and that it shouldn't matter why DS is vegan?

I feel like if you cater for someone, you should respect their dietary wishes, whether they are for health, religious or ethical reasons, or nay other reasons.

Gileswithachainsaw Sun 23-Nov-14 18:15:58


Bloody cruel trick to play on someone. I hope your ds is ok.

Doesn't kill anyone to have to have one frickin vegan meal

Staywithme Sun 23-Nov-14 18:17:04

I think she was an ignorant piss taker. I would be furious and see it as a lack of respect for his beliefs. I hope you gave her a bollicking.

Bambamb Sun 23-Nov-14 18:17:44

YANBU. Silly woman, very disrespectful and I hope she's now learnt her lesson.

HamishBamish Sun 23-Nov-14 18:18:08


What a stupid woman. Even if he hadn't had an allergic reaction, to deliberately give your child something he shouldn't have (irrespective of the reason why) is underhand and rude. I hope you told her off.

AlpacaYourThings Sun 23-Nov-14 18:18:16


People with an attitude like hers really piss me off. angry

A nice treat? hmm DFO.

CatKisser Sun 23-Nov-14 18:19:56

YANBU. What a fucking idiot that woman was. Would she have given peanut butter "as a nice treat" to a child she was told must not eat peanuts? No.
If you invite people over, you cater to their needs, If you don't like it, you don't invite them back. Simple. And to lie and say it was dairy free?? shock

RunBikeRun Sun 23-Nov-14 18:20:07


My DS is allergic to dairy and is mostly tube fed but does take some solids orally, this is the exact reason why he never goes over to friends houses, I just don't trust anyone to be as vigilant as we are with food/drinks.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 23-Nov-14 18:20:09

How nice of her. I hope you 'had a pop' back at her.

Wishtoremainunknown Sun 23-Nov-14 18:24:28

Very nasty of her. I would be furious. You obviously won't be able to trust her if she's doing things like that. What else is she doing ?

PixieofCatan Sun 23-Nov-14 18:27:04

grin she's fucking awful, how can you purposely go against a parents wishes like that?! And to outright lie to the child too?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 23-Nov-14 18:27:19


MehsMum Sun 23-Nov-14 18:29:32

I think she was stupid, and I wouldn't have done it... but if your DS has serious allergies, it might be wise to make people who host him aware of them.

MrsCosmopilite Sun 23-Nov-14 18:30:30

I'd not be happy.

If you said he was vegan then she should have respected that - if she couldn't cater, or didn't know what was suitable, she could have let you know.

As has been said upthread, good job it was not a peanut allergy here.

StickEm Sun 23-Nov-14 18:33:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FinallyHere Sun 23-Nov-14 18:34:46

How horrid for him, and you.

Some people just don't get it.

Chuckthefucklebrothers Sun 23-Nov-14 18:37:49

Wow. What a dishonest, disrespectful & generally vile woman. Maybe she'll think twice if the situation ever arises again.

Chuckthefucklebrothers Sun 23-Nov-14 18:38:19

And stupid, let's not forget stupid!

samithesausage Sun 23-Nov-14 18:39:00

Yanbu. I'm vegan, someone cooked a curry with ghee and I held their toilet hostage the next (early hours) morning. I could of killed them (if I could of got off the loo). Would she of thought that a nutella sandwich would of been a nice treat for someone who doesn't eat nuts. Don't think so!

PurplePidjin Sun 23-Nov-14 18:39:01

Wow. Just wow. Nice beefburger for the Hindu child next week? angry

skylark2 Sun 23-Nov-14 18:40:03

But was it dairy free ice cream? Maybe he's allergic to something you're not aware of.

Very unreasonable of her to give him dairy when you'd asked her not to. But I do think you should tell someone that something is an allergy, not a preference - it means they will be extra vigilant with hidden ingredients (for instance your DS's friend sharing a biscuit and neither of them thinking it's an issue).

avocadotoast Sun 23-Nov-14 18:40:04

She sounds like a dick. Sadly there are always people who think it's acceptable to "trick" veggies/vegans into eating non-veg food. I used to be vegan and had it happen to me a couple of times. Feel bad for your son sad

Staywithme Sun 23-Nov-14 18:41:44

People love the idea of getting one over veggies and vegans.

That's exactly it! Why the hell do some people feel threatened by other peoples diets. I get the same crap and have one friend that I ended up telling to stop acting like an idiot wanker with his constant crap about me just needing some red meat to build me up, if I was tired. I asked him if he wanted to swap lives with me and then tell me my tiredness is due to my diet? He declined and I only have to look at him if he even thinks of mentioning my diet, to shut him up. grin

meandjulio Sun 23-Nov-14 18:42:23

'She had told DS it was dairy free ice cream.'

And people think the whole 'don't lie to children' thing is about Father Christmas.

Staywithme Sun 23-Nov-14 18:44:24

tell someone that something is an allergy, not a preference

Sorry skylark but I think you'll find veganism is not just a preference but is actually as important, if not more so, to vegans as religion is to others.

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