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To tell my friend to fuck off and never speak to her again?

(1000 Posts)
Mammanat222 Sun 23-Nov-14 17:34:15

Will try to be brief.

Friend came round this morning to see our new place. We moved in a week ago.

It's got brand new [cream] carpets through-out.

As anyone in London can testify today was wet and there has been plenty of rain in recent days.

We are strictly shoes off at the moment, due to aforementioned carpet and I know a lot of people disagree with this in principle but lets not concentrate on that.

Friend turns up with her 3 year old son, he is in his rain stuff including wellies as is she. I greet them in hallway and tell them to take shoes off. Nothing rude or argumentative and friend knows I have had carpet put in, she also knows how much it bloody cost.

Friend obliges and takes her boots off but says "it took me forever to get him dressed today can I leave his boots on and give them a wipe", I politely say he needs to take them off to which I get greeted with a sigh but still she doesn't make any moves to take the boots off. She then says "look you know how hard it is for me to get him dressed, can we just not pop up and I'll keep him in kitchen"

I then try to speak to child directly and cajole him to take his boots off (think along the lines of "take your boots off sweetie and you can go up to see the cat and J's bedroom with all his toys") to which my friend says - words to the effect of 'do you know what we'll leave coming up today, I've told you twice that I am not taking his boots off' and she then proceeded to put her boots back on, frogmarch her child out of the door whilst muttering 'good luck Hyacinth with your two kids and cream carpet'

Now this is a friend I have know for almost 20 years, someone who is normally the kindest, sweetest person and her behaviour was very out of character.

I waited for an apology and it never arrived so an hour later I messaged to see if she was OK and ask what was going on to which I got a shitty reply which was "I am fine, I just don't want my son to come and play in a house full of rules and regulations, good luck if you think your kids are never going to mess your carpet up"

I replied and explained that it might seem over zealous but the carpet is just 10 days old and I not happy for dirty wellies to be worn.

Friend then replied and said she was out having some un-regulated fun with her son and she would contact me when she had calmed down.

What the actual fuck. I turned my phone off as I didn't trust myself to reply.

Where can I go with this

In all our years of friendship I've never had anything like this with her?

Mammanat222 Sun 23-Nov-14 17:35:06

Sorry that wasn't short at all.

Rinkydinkypink Sun 23-Nov-14 17:36:09

You haven't got children have you smile

PacificDogwood Sun 23-Nov-14 17:36:16

I think you both needs to calm down.

Fattyfattyyumyum Sun 23-Nov-14 17:36:39

She's either
1 - completely mental
2 - has born the brunt of you having OTT rules in past and is now over sensitive to them
Or 3 - is upset about something else unrelated and is taking it out on you as a close friend

You've known her 20 years - you're the best judge of which is most likely?

jellyhead Sun 23-Nov-14 17:36:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheXxed Sun 23-Nov-14 17:37:36


Guitargirl Sun 23-Nov-14 17:37:54

Your friend sounds um, highly-strung.

Is she ttc?

SauvignonBlanche Sun 23-Nov-14 17:38:12

Why on earth did you get cream carpet?

gamerchick Sun 23-Nov-14 17:38:21


Although I do think you're slightly nuts for getting cream carpets with kids grin

Sunna Sun 23-Nov-14 17:38:45


Friends matter more than carpets. You upset her. You were rude.

It's mad to get cream carpets anyway.

NickiFury Sun 23-Nov-14 17:38:55

She's rude. I would never have refused to take my child's shoes off when requested. However I would be thinking exactly the same as her (in fact I am thinking it right now!).

Pyjamaface Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:03

If this behaviour is completely out of character for her, I would hazard a guess that there is something else stressful/worrying in her life and nothing to do with wellies on or off.

billyokey Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:18

YANBU, I wouldn't dream of letting anyone walk through my house with wellies on, and I haven't got brand new cream carpets. how hard is it really to take a pair of shoes off??

Bearbehind Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:41

You'd give up a 20 year friendship over a carpet? hmm

If you have 2 children it is very likely the carpet will end up marked anyway.

I'd be reviewing my choice of carpet before my friendship.

PacificDogwood Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:41

I have 4DCs.
I have cream carpet throughout the house grin

I have so far not fallen out with anybody over it.

I understand feeling really protective over the brand-new light-coloured carpet, really I do (we've been there), and I understand how hard it can be to dress a reluctant rabid octopus, but I think both of you could have resolved this differently.

So, in conclusion, I am sitting firmly on the fence on who of you was more U here.

rootypig Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:41

Well, it's obviously about something bigger than this. Either she's having a tough time, or there are issues between you she hasn't spelt out.

Are you in very different situations, financially?

For a friendship of 20 years, I'd give it a day or two then go round with a bottle of wine. You might decide then that things can't be salvaged, but at least you'll know why.

edwinbear Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:42

YADNBU - brand new cream carpets and muddy wellies do not go, hell wooden floors and muddy wellie boots don't go either. I wouldn't have walked through my own tiled kitchen floor today in my muddy shoes let alone someone else's. But she was clearly having a pretty shitty day for some reason.

Floggingmolly Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:55

What a rude cow! I've told you twice I am not taking his boots off hmm
Your carpet won't stay pristine, of course it won't, but you don't have to hurry the process along by marching over it with muddy boots.
Why is it so hard for her to get his boots on?

Vitalstatistix Sun 23-Nov-14 17:39:57

I dont think it's you that owes her an apology!
Ok yes it's true, you arent going to keep a cream carpet great (ive got one!) but for heavens sake what kind of friend cant understand how someone can be over stuff like new carpets ? It's that 'brand new' feeling. It's not awful to be a bit excited and sadly protective for a few weeks at least.

Shlurpbop Sun 23-Nov-14 17:40:04

I can see both of your points of view...However, she could have carried him to the kitchen over the carpet. She may have had a real struggle all morning and you were the final straw. I've been the owner of new carpet, and the final straw so I can see both sides! I wouldn't tell her to fuck off - I'd give it a couple of days, laugh it off and carry on. 20 years of friendship is not to be forgotten over a carpet.

Ebb Sun 23-Nov-14 17:40:11

While I wouldn't tell her to fuck off, I don't think yabu. It annoys the hell out of me when people walk their muddy shoes in my house. She sounds seriously OTT and I'd wait for her to get in touch.

ACardiganForCat Sun 23-Nov-14 17:40:24

YANBU for asking someone to take wellies off in your house, child or not, carpet or not.

billyokey Sun 23-Nov-14 17:40:26

saying that, not worth losing a longstanding friendship over, and agree with others that this is probably about something else entirely

honeysucklejasmine Sun 23-Nov-14 17:40:32

I don't think its unreasonable! Brand new carpet does deserve a bit of consideration... But then I always take my shoes off in other people's homes.

I think if she was coming over for longer than 5 minutes then taking his shoes off isn't a big deal. So what if it takes a while to put them on again... Its not like you'll start a clock them kick him out half dressed.

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