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To give somebody a Self-Help book as part of their Christmas present.

(27 Posts)
ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:16:19

Is it okay?
Would you be offended if you received one as part of your gift?
Is it a complete no-no in the world of gift giving?

My MIL would really benefit from Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. She criticizes everybody and everything and finds fault in everything. Everyday. It's her main hobby in life.

I'm worried she wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the year and would it be especially cruel if I underline certain parts to draw to her attention?

Okay, I wouldn't really underline anything - as tempting as it is grin

Nothavingfunrightnow Sun 23-Nov-14 15:20:02

If you want her not to speak to you for the rest of the year then YANBU.

temporarilyjerry Sun 23-Nov-14 15:20:36

I'm worried she wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the year.

That would be a shame. grin

Hatespiders Sun 23-Nov-14 15:20:49

I'd be very offended, especially getting one as a Christmas present.
I expect you're only joking though.
Your OP has made me smile, thinking of some good titles to send various friends!
eg "How Not To Be Bossy" for my sister!

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:22:08

It's tempting grin

I think DStSS makes a great little coffee table, dip in, dip out book - so surely it wouldn't offend someone? hmm
hmm It could be a bit risky.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 23-Nov-14 15:22:50

No because such people like your MIL already know what they are doing and enjoys doing so to boot. It would not surprise me at all if you were to write that the woman has no friends and is overtly reliant on family (those family who are daft enough to put up with her and not pull her up every single time on her behaviour. They reward it instead by not challenging it).

A self help book will be used by her as ammo against you.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:23:47

I expect you're only joking though.

I'm only half-joking. I seriously think she would benefit from it. Then we would ALL benefit..

Summerisle1 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:25:56

I doubt she'd benefit one iota. Almost certainly because she views the rest of the world as the problem. Not her! So all she'll be is offended and quite probably baffled.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:27:48

The title would be fairly general (non critical).

It wouldn't be as if I'm gifting her a book that is titled:

50 Ways on How to Stop Interefering, or
10 Ways to be a nicer person. hmm etc.

mynewpassion Sun 23-Nov-14 15:28:00

Get one for every person.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:29:11

Get one for every person.^

Brilliant! I could say they had a special offer on.

Buy 10 get 1 FREE grin

tiggytape Sun 23-Nov-14 15:32:36

It would only work though if she recognised she had an issue and also decided she wanted to work on it.
You buying the book for her, her feeling offended and it being sent to the charity shop in January aren't going to help her (or you).

I think it is unkind to give someone a gift aimed at rectifying their faults.

Teeb Sun 23-Nov-14 15:35:16

It's a pretty passive aggressive thing to do, plus wrapping it up as a gift to someone? Meow.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:35:41

I think it is unkind to give someone a gift aimed at rectifying their faults

I think she would really benefit from some of the advice.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:36:15

But it would be part of other really nice, spoily things hmm

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:41:25

I have a plan.!
I will get together a bag of books (including the self help book) and say to her that I'm having a clear out and I camE across some books, and rather than throw them out - would she like first dibs on reading them? These books would be a mixture of fiction and non-fiction.

So, any MIL's out there - if you get a little yellow book, in amongst the Catherine Cookson from you DIL ...........grin in the next few days.

Summerisle1 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:42:18

Sorry to come across as po-faced here but I can't see how any sort of self-help book makes other than a thoroughly passive-aggressive gift.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:42:54

Yes, it's agreed. As a gift is not a good idea.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:43:37

Somebody bought me Chicken Soup for the Soul one year.
do they hate me? shock

Summerisle1 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:44:04

That said, the year a previous boss got given "Mr Uppity" as his Secret Santa gift was a moment to relish!

MillionToOneChances Sun 23-Nov-14 15:46:30

I don't think she'd read it in a bunch of handmedowns. You might have more luck with 'I read this book and it's changed my life! It's so brilliant, I think you might like it, I'll lend you my copy'

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 15:49:30

We have all had strict instructions: No more smellies and definitely No ornaments this year (because you can't take ornaments with you when you die) - her words miserable *
She doesn't like or understand technology, so that's out.
Has tons of dietry requirements. So no choccies etc.
I was told when children were little that she was fed up with them giving her 'tat'.
Deosn't like getting clothes.
She is difficult to buy for.

PerpetualStudent Sun 23-Nov-14 15:55:44

Oh crickey, say you couldn't think of anything and get her a gift voucher, the picky cow.

aermingers Sun 23-Nov-14 16:00:12

YABU. It would be a nasty and unkind thing to do and it would humiliate her to open that in front of other people. Which I suspect is the general idea.

If you genuinely wanted to help her you would perhaps give her the book quietly in private and have a kind word.

This just smacks of nastiness, wanting to make a point and probably being just as bad a she is.

ginnycreeper5 Sun 23-Nov-14 16:01:46

Perpetual,
A gift voucher would be the best bet.

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