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To be feeling a bit, well, suspicious I guess?

(82 Posts)
ShinyToyBuns Sun 23-Nov-14 10:05:09

I think I probably am.

Long story short, DH has recently started a new job, major improvement on previous job, new position is way better financially, long term prospects etc.

Lastnight he announced his sections plans for their work Christmas party.

The plan is a night out in our local city centre. No problem at all.

Then he adds on that they're all booking hotel rooms. I asked why, when we live 20 mins away by taxi. He replied they are all doing it.

I have a feeling I'm being really untrusting and paranoid but I cannot for the life of me see why anyone would need to pay out for a hotel room after their xmas party when they live so close and well quite frankly, unless they are planning on bringing someone back there.

I haven't yet said anything to him about it, as I'm not sure if IABU, or if I need to chill the fuck out. sad

So please, a virtual slap round the face or a grip would be good! grin

Stealthpolarbear Sun 23-Nov-14 10:06:54

I can see both sides
Going out without worrying about disturbing family when you get in is appealing
But only you know if you trust him

fairgame Sun 23-Nov-14 10:07:51

YANBU i would find that a bit odd. Surely it would be cheaper to get a taxi home?

nilbyname Sun 23-Nov-14 10:09:16

If it's on the company dollar I wouldn't care, and assume they are on for a big one, after party etc etc.

If not- totally weird!

LizardBreath Sun 23-Nov-14 10:09:30

Do they all live close? I Live 200 miles away from my work one so obviously have room, but those that are 5 mins away have one booked for them also. Same with partners do, only he's a 5 mins away case.

Finola1step Sun 23-Nov-14 10:10:11

Who's paying?

Bowchickawowow Sun 23-Nov-14 10:10:49

It's part of the party, everyone having breakfast together the next morning, hanging!

glentherednosedbattleostrich Sun 23-Nov-14 10:11:13

DH and I book rooms after Christmas nights out. Means we can sleep off the hangover without the child climbing over us!

ShinyToyBuns Sun 23-Nov-14 10:12:32

I want to trust him, i just can't shake this nagging feeling lately. I am a very insecure person however I will admit.

He's looking better and more handsome as he gets older, just lastnight when we went for dinner I could see he still turns heads. Me on the other hand am looking saggy, fat and downright disgusting no matter how much I try to make an effort. I guess I'm so insecure I feel like I'm waiting for him to cheat on me as I wouldn't blame him. sad Oh god I really need a Fucking grip!

Finola1step Sun 23-Nov-14 10:12:46

I've been known to book a cheapish hotel room as I live 90 mins from work and don't wont the hassle of rushing for last train.

ShinyToyBuns Sun 23-Nov-14 10:13:21

He's paying. They all live fairly close. No more than an hour away for anyone.

TywysogesGymraeg Sun 23-Nov-14 10:15:32

Is there a reason why you don't tryst him? If there is then YANBU. But if not then YABU.

DarylDixonsDarlin Sun 23-Nov-14 10:18:37

DH only lives 30min taxi journey away from where he's going out for work Christmas drinks, I would prefer that he stay out to be honest!

I won't worry about how he is getting home, what time he will be home, I won't get disturbed by someone coming in at 3am, making toast, then falling asleep with the tv on a loud shouty overnight news programme.

I also know that he will probably drink less overall, and just generally be more sensible if he is staying in an unfamiliar environment, and had to be up dressed and checked out of the hotel by 10-11am!

The cost works out the same down our way, either a 3am taxi or a cheap hotel room is about the same price hmm

ShinyToyBuns Sun 23-Nov-14 10:19:02

Honestly? I can't give an actual reason for me not to trust him. Apart from the fact that I know he could do better. 3 children and numerous operations down the line have left my body looking awful.

nilbyname Sun 23-Nov-14 10:20:44

That's a horrible way to think of yourself, and I bet you husband thinks you're gorgeous.

Sounds like you are feeling insecure and projecting, can you talk to him about it?

I joined the gym this year and lost that extra stone I'd been carrying around post kids. It's done wonders for my confidence and self image.

Get a hair cut, buy a new top, be kind to yourself.

BlinkAndMiss Sun 23-Nov-14 10:21:16

Obviously I don't know your DH but this sounds much more likely to be an insecurity on your side than a tendency to cheat on his, IYSWIM.

You've described yourself in an unflattering way, it sounds like you could do with a chat with your DH about how you feel and then discuss this issue from there. I don't think you should jump right in and suggest that he's getting a room for the purpose of taking someone back.

If my DH did this I wouldn't think anything of it, I'd just think that he was doing what everyone else at work was doing and trying to avoid being the one who 'didn't go'. Sounds like it would be fun really.

EllaFitzgerald Sun 23-Nov-14 10:22:41

I think if I was planning a big drunken night out, I'd probably do the same, rather than have to worry about finding a taxi, or booking one and having to leave when everyone else is still having fun.

Has he done anything else to trigger these feelings? I'm a huge believer in trusting your instincts but I'm not seeing anything obvious to be concerned about.

Finola1step Sun 23-Nov-14 10:24:10

So this isn't really about the Christmas do, is it?

Have you tried to talk to him, explain what's going on inside your head?

ShinyToyBuns Sun 23-Nov-14 10:24:30

I know I sound like I'm looking for a pity party but honestly I'm not, I think I just need a kick up the arse to tell me to stop being silly.

Iv lost 3.5 stone in the last 12 months, the majority of it through a traumatic operation but I was a size 18 and am now a size 12-14. I have my hair done, my nails done, I wear make up, do all the grooming stuff I can think of and yet I still feel shit.
I don't want to feel this way, and I certainly don't want to behave in an unreasonable way towards DH.

nilbyname Sun 23-Nov-14 10:32:00

Wow, that's amazing! Obviously not the op, but you sound like you do take care of yourself, if that makes you happy.

Do you think you might be feeling fragile after all your ops? I mean I couldn't Possibly say as I am not a doctor, but maybe it's something worth exploring?

If you're not comfortable with your do staying away, then you should tell him and take it from there. No point being "cool wife" if it's making you feel crap.

Wantsunshine Sun 23-Nov-14 10:32:43

If you book into a hotel you can drink in the bar until really late after all the clubs in town have closed. That maybe why.

ResIpsaLoquitur Sun 23-Nov-14 10:34:06

I suspect the tradition is to carry the party on in the hotel bar. It's what tends to happen with my firm's Christmas do.

eddielizzard Sun 23-Nov-14 10:36:45

well i think if you generally trust him it's ok.

if it were me, it's the appeal of not worrying about the time and just being able to relax knowing i won't be disturbing anyone.

i think you need to work on your self esteem.

vitabrits Sun 23-Nov-14 10:39:00

My partner would prefer to come home, but we've only been together a few years so maybe that's why!! I think you should ask him to come home after the do - just tell him that's what you would prefer.

wasitsomethingisaid Sun 23-Nov-14 10:40:10

At our christmas parties everyone gets extremely drunk, then has an after party in a hotel until about 5am. I don't think much shagging gets done though if that helps wink

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