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To Expect a Vegetarian Option at Christmas Lunch?

(612 Posts)
HedgePony Sat 22-Nov-14 20:06:19

I am a vegetarian but for the last two Christmasses at my MiL's house, there has been nothing for me to eat at Christmas lunch! Literally all I can have is the peas! (I can't eat the potatoes as they are cooked in the goose fat and I can't eat the stuffing as it is cooked inside the goose.)

Then, for supper, there is only scraps - i.e. whatever is leftover from lunch and whatever else might be in the fridge. For everyone else this means cold goose or turkey, cold ham, cold pigs in blankets, etc. For me, this means wilted old salad and a wedge of cheese if I am lucky.

The first year, I thought it must have been an oversight (although I was upset about it as I had only had DD a few weeks before and was breastfeeding so I needed to eat). But when it happened again the next year, I was actually really upset.

I don't get on with MiL very well and she is quite a passive-aggressive person. So I sort of think maybe she is doing it on purpose. (Money is absolutely no object for her and I don't think it's that she doesn't have time either - she pretty much does the minimum for Christmas lunch/buys ready made stuff.)

I have on occasions when staying there taken veggie tarts, etc with me, but I am not sure if I should do this (as a host, I would be embarrassed if a guest felt they had to bring their own food!).

I should probs help more in the kitchen tbh but then I am busy looking after DD and I do help a bit.

Am I being unreasonable?!

AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves Sat 22-Nov-14 20:07:45

No, she is. What does your husband/partner say about this? Have you told him how it makes you feel?

Starlightbright1 Sat 22-Nov-14 20:09:58

I would ask you OH to have a word. I would tell him if you can't eat there then you will just have to pop in for an hour/ not go.

In my head I would want to take a packed lunch and get it out stating oh I bought my own...Shame her but as there are children probably wouldn't

Steben Sat 22-Nov-14 20:11:13

If you can't eat there don't go there. V rude and YANBU

Aeroflotgirl Sat 22-Nov-14 20:11:19

Yanbu how absolutely rude of her. I woukd talk to your dd. I woukd nit go, does not sound enjoyable at all.

LadyLuck10 Sat 22-Nov-14 20:11:29

Surely your DH would have noticed this and has something to say? I don't eat a few things and DH always makes sure to mention that before we go any of his family members get togethers.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 22-Nov-14 20:11:31

Why even go - stay at home and have a lovely veggie roast.

puntasticusername Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:00

YANBU. It's very rude not to cater for guests' reasonable needs and preferences - and your requirements sound totally reasonable.

Given that this situation has been going on for a few years, I'd probably take the direct-ish approach and take her a bag full of food I liked - saying "I know you find it difficult to provide food I like, so I thought I would make it easier for you and bring my own". This may, possibly, shame her into doing more - or if not, at least you'll have something to eat! Just make sure she doesn't let the carnivores scoff it all...

Also, I'd stuff my suitcase full of chocolate, crisps nuts etc, just in case..

ouryve Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:10

YANBU. She's being a bad host.

if she wants you there, then she either needs to feed you something that you can eat or accept that you're going to take your own food.

MrsPnut Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:14

I would refuse to go to her house again.
What a shit hostess she is, I would be ashamed if someone left my home with even the smallest corner of their stomach unfilled and catering for a vegetarian is not difficult.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:16

Talk to DH I meant. Wjy not have main Christmas at yours and go in the adternoon

gamerchick Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:41

Take your own? or does she not do any other veg to go with the meal?

I have a veggie person who comes when I cook the christmas shizzle and she brings her own i'm happy to heat up for her.

Don't be embarrassed to take your own or come across as rude.. you need to eat and just can't whats being prepared. She's obviously not bothered if you sit and starve or not.

HedgePony Sat 22-Nov-14 20:12:44

:-( . He doesn't say anything (he wouldn't as she is an absolute harridan). His sister did look at my plate of vegetables last year and say "oh I feel so sorry for you" but his mother, who heard, simply said something like "oh yes maybe I should have done you something else - I must have forgotten". But forgetting for two years is a bit much.

I don't expect anything specially made or anything - just one of those little veggie tarts or something you can buy from Waitrose or something.

I did feel a bit a like crying last year, I was so hungry!

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 22-Nov-14 20:13:08

of course Yanbu.

The first thing you do when you host a dinner is ask if anyone has any dietary requirements.

at the very least the stuffing and potatoes could have been cooked separately.

take your own. It's worse manners to have you go hungry because she won't adapt her food.

Janethegirl Sat 22-Nov-14 20:13:11

Use it as an excuse to start the new year diet (only jokingsmile). Ok not in the best possible taste! Just take a veggie meal in a dish and stick it in the microwave .

OhYouBadBadKitten Sat 22-Nov-14 20:13:16

YANBU. I would take your own food though so that starvation doesn't compound your misery.

makeitabetterplace Sat 22-Nov-14 20:13:21

When I go somewhere for Christmas lunch i always take something I can put in the oven and some veggie gravy granules. Some people don't 'get' vegetarianism and Christmas isn't the time to argue.

ApocalypseThen Sat 22-Nov-14 20:14:09

Why hasn't your husband sorted this out already?

iwanttogotothechaletschool Sat 22-Nov-14 20:14:11

Do you have to or indeed want to go this year?

Think I would say we are having Christmas at home (on our own) this year and tell her you find it too long a day to go without proper food.

ooerrmissus Sat 22-Nov-14 20:14:13

Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

I'd either bring my own and loudly comment 'oh I know you don't cater for vegetarians so I brought my own'. Or I'd stay at home and eat what I wanted.

Littlef00t Sat 22-Nov-14 20:14:52

Take some food, but don't bring it out until you have seen there is nothing to eat. The shops aren't open of Christmas Day and you have to eat, I can't see another option.

Blueteas Sat 22-Nov-14 20:15:16

I'm a longterm vegetarian, and at the kind of Christmas you describe, I wouldn't assume anything, but would bring my own food - especially after the 'oversight' the first year.. Yes, I think it's neglectful, but some people raise such a kerfuffle about making Christmas dinner, that it's possible there's perceived to be no room in the oven etc etc. (And some people genuinely think it's unreasonable of vegetarians not to eat potatoes cooked in goose fat and the like.)

Why put up with being hungry, though? You know perfectly well what will happen this year, so if you're happy to keep going for Christmas dinner to someone who doesn't seem to mind if you're hungry or not, bring food!

Where is your husband/partner in all this? I can't imagine sitting through Christmas dinner with my family with my OH not being given any suitable food!

TheAwfulDaughter Sat 22-Nov-14 20:16:03

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MidniteScribbler Sat 22-Nov-14 20:17:52

Make your meal in advance, take a plate and heat up when you get there. She's a bitch, but your husband sounds too wet to deal with it, and I doubt she's going to change.

ApocalypseThen Sat 22-Nov-14 20:18:02

And then came back the year after.

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