Another au pair story AIBU

[Thewiseonenot]

Friend has au pair, things haven't worked out OK and friend gave au pair 6 weeks notice to leave or find another family. This because friend is thoughtful that au pair had booked flight to go home for Christmas and didn't want her to incur extra expense.
3 weeks after au pair hasn't done much to look for anything, still out partying every week end and spend every free time in her room. Quality of her work OKeish but she has stopped trying and to build relationship with kids. This Under-stably.

When friend asked her a couple of days ago what her plans were, she said very matter of fact:

I am sure you don't mind kerping my stuff until January. When I come back I will look for a room and a job....no point looking now before Christmas!

She doesn't want to be an pair anymore so no looking for a family...

Friend explained that room will require a deposit to rent and that job might take months to find especially as she doesn't speak English.

She looked surprised, said uh oh.... My friend explained to her that she has got to go...cannot hang around until January.

But not much has changed as she is still going out week ends at night and staying in during the day...no showing any urgency in looking for anything.

My friend feels bad about it as atmosphere is not great and the au pair looks depressed when in and it's a very sad figure to see moving around the house.

I think that 6 weeks notice is more than enough and by end of it she should get key back and wave au pair goodbye without feeling responsible for it.

AIBU? Am I horrible?

[puntasticusername]

YANBU. Au pair is taking the piss.

[Thewiseonenot]

Thanks, that's what I thought.... In fact she looks absolutely fine when out with friends... I have seen her at the local cinema laughing and eating ice cream... While at home she mops around in her pyjamas and says she can't eat much as has her stomach in knots...

[TrendStopper]

6 weeks is plenty of notice.

I wouldn't be keeping her stuff either.

[Thewiseonenot]

Apparently she has asked today if my friend could at least keep her stuff... I said she shouldn't

[LIZS]

what nationality is she , is she entitled to stay with no job, how easy is it likely to be for her to rent with no work, references etc ? Friend may be better buying her a one way ticket so she has a fixed departure date.

[fifi39]

Thewiseone- it's easy to go out and be something different when your not in an awkward situation. When my Mum was ill if I popped out for a couple of hours and did something I enjoyed i'd start to feel a little better but would soon return smash back into reality when I went home. So I don't think you can assume because someone is laughing and joking with friends means they aren't anxious about something. Anyone can put on a brave face if they try hard enough.

[Thewiseonenot]

She is from EU, LIZS, shouldn't have problems from that angle. She has already ticket to go home for Christmas where she has loving family apparently. But has return ticket and wants to come back .,

Fifi39, I agree you can switch mood, however she seems to have been like that from day one and this was one of the reasons things didn't workout.

Happy when going out, homesick and miserable when home with kids.
She now freely admits that working with kids it's not for her...

[OpalQuartz]

Do you know what the problem was that led to it not working out? I don't see any problem with "out partying every week end and spend every free time in her room."

[Aeroflotgirl]

She is a piss taker, 6 weeks notice is more then enough. Mabey she can stay with some if her friends.

[OpalQuartz]

Crossed posts.

[Aeroflotgirl]

When notice period is here, she is out.

[Thewiseonenot]

Opal quartz, no problem with that when she was their au pair, but now she should be looking for another accommodation... Not spend the time like before

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

If she didn't have any friends I would happily keep her stuff for her. However, I would tell her that her room would no longer be available as we would have another au pair by then, so when she comes back she would need to have arranged to stay with a friend or booked a hostel.

That said, I have a large garage and a huge loft, so it wouldn't be an inconvenience, other than possible pressure for her to stay when she gets back, but tbh, as long as I had a free room I wouldn't mind that either unless she'd really fucked me off!

[tippytappywriter]

Surely 6 weeks notice is plenty for an au pair? I'd get less for my job.

[FreeWee]

I think your friend should be clear. She's given the au pair 6 weeks notice that her job will end. The accommodation comes with the job so when the job ends the accommodation ends. There's no staying in the accommodation when the job has ended because the contract for the job and the accommodation are one and the same.

[Tobyjugg]

On six weeks and one day any stuff left will either be in a black sack on the drive or in the house charged at £100 per day storage. Her choice.

[rollonthesummer]

On six weeks and one day any stuff left will either be in a black sack on the drive or in the house charged at £100 per day storage. Her choice

This.

If for some reason, you end up storing her stuff. Get her to box it up and put it in x place and by the time she is back-the room is used as something else. Not her room. Then she can't come back. You're not a youth hostel!

[LeopardIsTheNewBlack]

I'm struggling a bit here to understand what the AIBU actually is...So from what I could make out OP's friend has an AP. AP wasn't working out so friend said let's end this working relationship when you go back home for Xmas.
Friend chose to keep AP until she flies home and her standard of work is "okish". So she goes out partying...who cares! She isn't looking for a job...who cares! I would presume she brought all her stuff with her on the plane when she came over so now she can take it back with her.
I really don't think AP's future job or lack of it is OP's friend's concern. She's given her six week's notice which is more than generous and AP already has a flight booked to go home. So YANBU.

[Thewiseonenot]

Yes, I said same about having her to clear the room and at most keep some of her stuff.

Au pair hinted that she has friend who could give her a bed for a few days in Jan....but she seems to think that she will find room and job in one week.


Good luck to her....but I really hope my friend is not sucked into all of this as au pair seems to be the entitled type.... Which is another reason why relationship didn't workout I think.


My friend is extremely nice and understanding as she has 2 daughters early teens and so feels she should help au pair as her girls might find themselves in similar situation and so she empathises a lot... Not sure if it makes sense...

[cheesecakemom]

If the contract ends in 6 weeks then she should take her things and leave. Your friend should tell her that she won't be keeping them. By law she can give her notice re when she should take her stuff by. If she doesn't the she has the right to throw it away.

[Thewiseonenot]

Agree with Leopard! I will get my friend to read your post....:)

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

Not unreasonable, au pair has had ample notice and it sounds like pleasant treatment too. Au pair should take her stuff with her or consider it forfeited imo.

[FishWithABicycle]

AP needs to return the doorkey when leaving for Xmas and is not allowed back over threshold again. Any items left behind go in black sacks in garage. The room is no longer anything to do with the ex-AP when she returns after Xmas.

What the AP chooses to do or not do about job hunting and finding accommodation is none of her STBX-employer's concern, she's had ample notice.

[LIZS]

Offer to reimburse the return portion of the ticket so she goes home for Christmas with her stuff and is no longer friends' problem. If she want tor return come NY she is free to dos o but has no ties .