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to think it must be possible for a parent to spend time at your house, not make you feel judged and not make any unwanted comments?

(79 Posts)
kim147 Sat 22-Nov-14 19:25:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyWearer Sat 22-Nov-14 19:28:16

Not in my experience!

To be fair, my Dparents try very very hard, and my DDad will pull my DMum up on whatever comment she makes, but there is always some comment that riles.

SASASI Sat 22-Nov-14 19:28:24

My mum can be a bit like this but I just tell her to shut up..I remember she once told me my floors were sticky & my garden a State...not that exact wording but you get the picture. I think I told her to fuck off!
She genuinely doesn't even realise she is doing it & how rude it is!!

StickEm Sat 22-Nov-14 19:32:44

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olbas Sat 22-Nov-14 19:37:21

Tell me about it...apparently my toilets are too low, my mugs are too old, I haven't got a " bread and butter" plate confused

shushpenfold Sat 22-Nov-14 19:42:11

Laughing at this....my parents are pretty much the opposite (apart from my DM and my hairstyle, which she has disapproved of since my teenage years!) We often remember my DBIL who has a habit of finding fault.....running his hand along the top of fridges to check for dust (he's damn tall!) and also complaining that there is no semi- skimmed milk for his coffee, 20 minutes before Xmas lunch is being served. I'm afraid I shouted none too subtly, to just mix skimmed and full fat together and you won't notice the difference (luv) This still makes us chuckle several years later as he really should know not to even chance this with his wife, SIL, MIL as none of us put up with any of that kind of shit nonsense.

clam Sat 22-Nov-14 19:45:29

My mother wants to know why my stairs are too steep ("lethal," apparently), why we don't use soup spoons and why we never have Ovaltine in the house (because it's disgusting and makes me want to heave).

She recently informed me that she was throwing out her old kitchen crockery (the set before last, so around 20 years old) and would I like it?

redexpat Sat 22-Nov-14 19:49:24

Well not if my mother is staying. Dad will call her on something if I give him a look.

balia Sat 22-Nov-14 19:55:11

My Mum and Dad have been living with us for the past year (my mum has been having cancer treatment and we have a downstairs bathroom and converted the dining room into a bedroom so it was more practical when she was very poorly). They have recently started to go home at weekends now she is a bit better and I can honestly say DH and I miss them. I guess culturally this is very normal for me, so that might make the difference? But generally they are just lovely, generous people and I've really appreciated the time with them.

LL12 Sat 22-Nov-14 20:11:35

Where my Mother is concerned, no it's not possible

stokiemum62 Sat 22-Nov-14 20:13:14

balia what a lovely post. You sound a very nice person.

Sunnyhaze Sat 22-Nov-14 20:19:52

My experience (unfortunately) is that once you have kids, the level of judgmental comments from ones parents go off the scale. I haven't spoken to mine for the best part of a year as a result. Shame but life is stressful enough trying to bring up kids and hold it altogether without parents commenting on your child's behaviour (too sulky) / language skills (should be saying 'bird' not 'birdie' at 2yrs old) / diet (they eat too much pasta apparently) / the fact they go to a nursery in the week (not fair on them) etc etc etc. I have just cancelled Xmas with them and feel all the better for it.

rembrandtsrockchick Sat 22-Nov-14 20:30:54

Bloody hell...what is it with these mothers? I would not dream of criticising my son and DiL. To be honest they are a great deal better at this parenting/home building lark than I ever was.

clam Sat 22-Nov-14 20:44:12

My dad picked up my niece (18mo at the time) for saying 'Can I' instead of 'May I?'

EatDessertFirst Sat 22-Nov-14 20:44:44

YANBU. DM has always been like this.

'Why don't you move that coat rack away from the front door?" (Away from where people enter the house and take off their coats hmm)

"Why don't you build a lean-to outside for the washing machine?"

"You should have given up that breastfeeding lark much earlier! MiniDessert needed more!" (I had to give up at six weeks).

Now, I just let it go over my head. Nod and agree. Then change the subject.

5ChildrenAndIt Sat 22-Nov-14 20:51:41

My mum's speciality is sock-puppetry.

"Oooh - I notice Mrs Lawson next door was gardening - and she gave your garden a funny look. Do you think she's upset about your weeds spreading?"

"I took Polly to the park, and Maisie's mum had some great tips to get her off the dummy"

"Mrs Smith from church has a new cleaner. I think it's wonderful... Like she says, not fair for a man to come home to a messy house... "

It's really annoying because I end up having awkward conversations with Mrs Lawson/Maisie's Mum/Mrs Smith when they come over all sympathetic about the 'difficulties' I've been having.

LaQueenIsKickingThroughLeaves Sat 22-Nov-14 21:01:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam Sat 22-Nov-14 21:03:24

My mother likes to point out that my hair needs cutting. She'll look at photos from way back and say, "Of course, your hair suits you short."

clam Sat 22-Nov-14 21:04:43

And for the record, I refuse to take hair advice from someone who's had the same style (a la Queen Elizabeth) for 60 years.

motherofmonster Sat 22-Nov-14 21:05:30

These always make me really thankful to have wonderful parents.
my mum comes round, sticks the kettle on, always brings cake and is known for making me cry with always telling me what a good job im doing bringing ds up on my own and how proud she is that in independent. Then she sends me to bed for a nap as god knows raising a child is hard and i had your dad to help' i then get packed off to bed with a mug of tea grin

kim147 Sat 22-Nov-14 21:09:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Timeforanewname2014 Sat 22-Nov-14 21:11:09

My mum is brilliant, does loads for us but never offers advice unless asked. Never makes me feel judged and like motherofmonster makes me cry telling me what a good job I am doing. My dad on the other hand.......

FaFoutis Sat 22-Nov-14 21:12:24

My mother makes me feel judged by never making any comments - positive or negative. It is quite a skill.

Motherofmonster that sounds lovely, you are lucky.

BramwellBrown Sat 22-Nov-14 22:00:09

It is possible, my parents never make judgy comments or make me feel uncomfortable, if Mum would quit helping herself to my wine they would be the perfect guests.

valrhona Sat 22-Nov-14 22:47:54

My Dad is notorious. Last time he visited he told me myself and dh were absolute idiots for not being on the pigs back financially with two good jobs and it's all our own fault for overspending we didn't and how the recession is because of people like us who went mad -we didn't-- (no holiday for years and 1 x 14yo Toyota outside the door) but we did extend our home rather than trade up to a house that we'd long have had to given the keys back by now and of course I foolishly took extended leave to spend time that I'll never get back with my children when my 2nd and last baby was born. No point explaining to him about soaring taxes and charges and massive paycuts, oh no, they just made do in their day and weren't ye all grand not really, didn't get to college until I was 24 and under my own steam thanks RANT OVER!!

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