to expect an apology?(3 Posts)
So today started out fine - went into our local town with DH and DD (21 months) for some lunch as DH had just been paid. We also needed to drop off some books at charity shop, DH carried those and I held DD on her reins. DD started having a huge strop wanting to hold daddy's hand and was throwing herself on the ground with cars going past. I picked her up and continued to walk with her, meanwhile she's wriggling to get away and kicking me (I'm 39 weeks pregnant so this was not a pleasant experience). I told her off and started to get really flustered. DH says nothing and carries on walking.
Books dropped off and off we go to a little (quite posh) cafe. We had lunch and all was fine and dandy, DD eating well and being a good girl. When it was time to leave DH was stood up getting his coat on and paying while DD was now next to me on the seat and screaming, kicking and fighting to get down to go to Daddy. I said to her quietly 'no, daddy is putting his coat on' and restrained her otherwise she would've been running riot in the cafe. Meanwhile other diners were looking over.
Once we got out I mentioned to DH that I was embarrassed by DD's behaviour at the end and that everyone was looking. He said he didn't know why as I was the one making the scene. When challenged on this he said I was saying other things to her that he didn't approve of though can't remember any of the things I said because he has a 'terrible memory'. (I definitely didn't!)
I'm really peed off about this as twice DD was behaving badly and he did nothing and on the second occasion blamed me! I know 21 months is very young but even so she needs to be told not to behave certain ways.
It's now 5 hours on and he's refusing to apologise to me for accusing me of doing something I didn't do as he's moved on and doesn't care about the incident any more. I clearly do and am upset and hurt by it.
Am I just being hormonal and overreacting or do I deserve an apology?
Hmmm, you made a scene and said things he disapproved of so much that he couldn't remember them by the time you left the cafe? Don't think you caused the scene somehow! Really, I don't think you should be embarassed about your daughter either. Lunchtime in cafes, people expect kids and a bit of associated noise, and you were doing your best to get your child to behave. I think people have an issue when parents let kids run riot, which you did not do. I think your husband should apologise for not backing you up and saying you caused the scene really. You are right I think- 21 months is old enough to learn about good behavior, even if it doesn't always work out!
I would have been pissed off that he left me to deal with her each time and I would have told him so. In the first example I think you should have got him to engage with her "I'll take the books and you'll have to deal with dd, she's too big for me to carry at the moment", the second I would have said that if he couldn't remember what I'd said it's because I didn't say anything and if he had a problem with my parenting he should step up and help out.
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