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Phoning ds mobile instead of landline when talking to him

(41 Posts)
Crockershite Sat 22-Nov-14 16:26:19

Dil thinks I'm rude to only ring him on his mobile or work when I want to talk to him.
AIBU or should I phone land line, dil or dgc usually answer, then I find out what I wanted anyway without even having to ask my ds how he is. I want this conversation myself.

RedButtonhole Sat 22-Nov-14 16:29:56

Well, if you're phoning the landline, would you not ask to speak to him anyway, so what difference does it make?

Seems a bit of an odd thing to be bothered about to me, maybe she just likes you and likes a chance for a quick chat when she answers the phone? I certainly wouldn't say it's rude to call your son when it's him you need/want to speak to.

WorraLiberty Sat 22-Nov-14 16:32:51

I don't think it's actually rude, but I'm glad my MIL rings our landline because me or the kids get to chat to her, before we pass her on to DH.

seaweed123 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:33:18

Are you sure your son isn't actually annoyed at you calling him at his work, and is just using his wife as a way to get you to stop?

I only ask because my MIL does the same, and I find it weird. If my mum phoned me at work I'd assume someone had died. DH rarely answers, but she doesn't take the hint.

Iggi999 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:38:02

I would be totally fine with my mil doing this wink
But why does it have to be just one or the other, make both types of calls for a bit. Though don't phone him at work that's just daft.

Monathevampire1 Sat 22-Nov-14 18:39:50

Does sound as though you are trying to avoid talking to dial and the gc, are you?

Phoning someone at work should be a last resort. My DM does it to me and its very annoying.

RedButtonhole Sat 22-Nov-14 18:52:39

Just realised you also mentioned work. It's a bit silly to disturb him at work if it's not urgent
and you can find out what you need to know
from her.

Is there a reason you don't want to talk to her?

Crockershite Sat 22-Nov-14 20:17:42

Thanks ladies, or gents.
It never occured to me ringing him at work was a problem. Dil is usually out or busy, not avoiding gc.
It's just I actually prefer to ask my son how he is rather than be told. I can't be the only one, can I?

Goingintohibernation Sat 22-Nov-14 20:20:51

Do you not get to speak to your DS if anyone else answers? That seems a bit odd.

Crockershite Sat 22-Nov-14 20:22:31

Yes of course I do, but I don't usually phone the landline. I phone his mobile, he answers that, or speak to him at work.

DuelingFanjo Sat 22-Nov-14 20:23:57

Ring him on the landline and ask to speak to him. Though I would wonder how SIL fobs you off if DS wants to speak to you. Does he want to?

DuelingFanjo Sat 22-Nov-14 20:24:34

Has DIL told you she thinks it's rude?

Monathevampire1 Sat 22-Nov-14 20:25:12

If my mil rings and I happen to answer the phone we have a natter and then I say 'would you like to speak to Mr Mona?' and she says 'yes please' no drama.

CMOTDibbler Sat 22-Nov-14 20:27:17

If my MIL phones and I answer, she'll ask how I am, and then to speak to dh.

Phoning someone at work, unless it is an emergency is not on.

Anthracite Sat 22-Nov-14 20:29:10

My DCs don't have landlines, so mobile is their only option.

As a 50 year old, I prefer people to ring me on my mobile as the landline has been completely hijacked by spam callers. I never answer it, even when standing next to it.

If it were during work time, I would text.

Tactleneck Sat 22-Nov-14 20:30:26

I wish my Pil would do this then we could avoid the awkward conversation before I inevitably ask if they want to speak to Dh. Having said that I hate talking on the phone, it makes me uneasy not being able to see facial expressions. So I think yanbu but it offends your dil maybe occasionally ring the landline just to keep the peace.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 22-Nov-14 20:32:13

It hadn't occurred to you that his taking personal calls about nothing urgent, at work, could be a problem? Seriously? Let's hope he has a really unimportant job, where's he's basically paid to drink tea and gossip all day!

lottiegarbanzo Sat 22-Nov-14 20:34:39

But why not try using the landline and asking to speak to him each time, for a while?

Is it possible he's the one who doesn't like your current practice and has asked his wife to help keep you at bay? How often do you call?

UncleT Sat 22-Nov-14 20:38:28

I totally fail to see why you can't have a chat with him anyway just because you already got the information you're after from DiL.

ENormaSnob Sat 22-Nov-14 20:41:32

Phoning anyone at work is a no no imo.

Except emergencies obvs.

Otherwise i really couldnt give a shit how ils contact dh.

Crockershite Sat 22-Nov-14 22:18:16

I'm surprised ringing at work is a no no, I wasn't expecting that.
Perhaps I could ring the landline, it just seems silly to face the same conversations twice.

IsabeauMichelle Sat 22-Nov-14 22:19:28

Well it's kind of frowned upon to keep calling someone at work, isn't it? I would have thought that was obvious.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 22-Nov-14 22:33:31

Really? Don't you understand that when at work, his time is paid for by his employer - it is their time, not his to do with as he pleases?

Is he self-employed, is that it? Even so, his work time is just that. I'm sure he'd rather finish his day a phone call's length earlier and get home.

I'm not a surgeon or an air-traffic controller, just someone who works in an office doing things with no immediate impact on anyone but, if a colleague regularly received calls from their mother, just for a chat, they'd be a laughing stock, in a sympathetic, eye-rolling way and, depending on how much work-time this took up, their boss might be speaking to them about conducting their personal lives outside their work time.

You haven't said how often you call.

Crockershite Sat 22-Nov-14 22:41:32

I don't phone every day, But it's at least once or twice a week. It depends if I have been away, I do phone when I get back. He is a director, so can take phone calls at work.
I can't see a problem with this, I really can't. If he is busy or out I have a quick chat with someone else, they are interesting people.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 22-Nov-14 22:49:21

I'm sure they are delightful people - to socialise with.

If you don't want to understand why using company time for a social chat with someone's mother would be a problem, we can't force you to try. It is really, really not normal though.

Maybe your son is quite happy to chat to you in between things, or have you taking up his staff's time and preventing other people from getting through to them. Has he said so?

Generally, have you asked how he would like you to communicate with him? Would you listen to an honest answer? (Or just repeat 'but I can't see the problem', as if it can't be you, so must be everybody else)?

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