...and to make it worse she called me "hun"

[tigermoll]

Argh. Just need to let off steam. V old friend is getting married and will be in my city today to look at dresses. I said yes (hellish but that's what friends are for etc). Arranged to meet at five, few hours of shopping then I'm off to another event in the evening. This afternoon she called to ask if we could meet earlier to give us more time. I said yes and set off at the appointed hour. Reached the RV point to receive a text asking if we could actually meet later cos now lunch has over run. Town is mental due to crowds and it's not worth me going home again only to have to turn around and head back out for the evening. WIBU to strop off and get drunk? :)

[ThursdayLast]

Not in slightest U.

Do it.

Mulled wine.

[makeitabetterplace]

Just being called hun enrages me so on that basis alone yanbu

[tigermoll]

I can do what I like now - she's just called to cancel. Is still exactly where she was, so she must have known for a while that she wasn't going to get here on time. Am very much not impressed.

[WerewolfBarMitzvah]

Fuck that. So rude of her.
Cancel the whole damn thing and go do what you want to do.

[Theorientcalf]

What a cheek!

I would send a text saying you're in town and thanks for wasting your time. Don't bother next time.

[WerewolfBarMitzvah]

Just saw your update. How nice of her.
I wouldn't be in a rush to rearrange.

[ThursdayLast]

I wouldn't be either gggrrrrrrrr.
Still next time you're surely well within your rights to turn down the 'invitation' right off the bat

Going to go shopping alone?

[needtomanup]

Awful friend, what a waste of time. Go enjoy some Christmas shopping yourself.

[tigermoll]

There is no way even the most ardent shopper could actually 'enjoy' those conditions - think Oxford Street two weeks before christmas. I have come home for a half hour sit down before going out again.

It's actually the third time she's done something like this to me recently - none of the others were this bad, but stuff like inviting me out for the day to a hotel where she was staying then asking if I wouldn't mind just waiting in the library for ten minutes while she met someone. An hour and a half later I'm still waiting. Or meeting me in town then insisting on driving for forty minutes to a restaurant near where she's staying so she can have a drink (rather than one of the dozens of restaurants were we met), thus leaving me with a mammoth multiple night bus journey home.

I'm not the best at being assertive, especially with old friends, but I'm not sure if I should say something. This behavior has only started since she met her current fiance, and she already knows I'm not keen on him (actually an understatement, think she is making a HUGE mistake but that's another thread) so I'm nervous of rocking the boat.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

t's actually the third time she's done something like this to me recently - none of the others were this bad, but stuff like inviting me out for the day to a hotel where she was staying then asking if I wouldn't mind just waiting in the library for ten minutes while she met someone. An hour and a half later I'm still waiting. Or meeting me in town then insisting on driving for forty minutes to a restaurant near where she's staying so she can have a drink (rather than one of the dozens of restaurants were we met), thus leaving me with a mammoth multiple night bus journey home.

Are you a saint or something?
What do you mean these two weren't as bad? She was beyond rude.

I'll be re-assessing the whole friendship TBH.

[rusticwomble]

Calling you "hun" is bad enough, but to treat you like this is appalling. I think its time to rethink the friendship, because clearly you consider her more of a friend than she does of you. Friends don't treat each other disrespectfully.

[Theorientcalf]

I think you should just not bother OP. She clearly sees her time as more important than yours. Don't pander to her.

You know the phrase 'don't be a priority in someone's life when you're just an option in theirs'? That.

She's bloody rude.

[tigermoll]

Are you a saint or something

Ha! Very far from!

The thing is, usually she's lovely, sweet, caring and utterly supportive - she was the one who encouraged (practically forced) me to apply for a recent course of study and it's been the best thing I've done for ages. I wouldn't have even thought of putting myself up for a place if she hadn't convinced me I could do it.

But whenever she gets a new man, she changes into an airhead who only thinks about HIM. I try not to mention this (for fear of coming across as jealous or bitter) but it is beyond annoying. This one is a right peach as well - calls people who shop in Argos 'chav scum' and doesn't 'see the need for feminism.'

[Theorientcalf]

And actually I've said that completely wrong!

It's 'don't make someone a priority'!

[rusticwomble]

OP, ok...so if she changes from nice to nasty whenever she gets a new man, what happens when she gets married to one? Are you going to be cast aside forever. It sounds awfully like she only thinks of you as a friend when she is between guys. This is called using a person, and you sound better off without her, imo.

[Floggingmolly]

All that and you're still not sure if you should say something?? You definitely need assertiveness training.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

I despise people like that. Sorry, but I really do.

Three strikes and you're out. She has behaved APPALLINGLY - seriously, those three incidents you described are appalling - and you really need to not let her do that to you again. So next time she tries to arrange something - and I'm pretty sure there will be a next time - say no. That she has let you down in every recent arrangement. Remind her of these incidents. Ask her how she would feel if you had done that to her. Ask how does she think you feel about it now. Ask why she thinks you should be allow yourself to be treated like this again for her latest idea of a jaunt.

Maybe, if she's pulled up, she'll get it and stop being such a fuckwit to her friends. Maybe she won't get it and go in a huff. Maybe she'll throw a tantrum. Whichever, you will either recover your friend or be shot of a user.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Bloody hell! After what you've described of her behaviour my response to her second text would have been "Fuck you. Hun." Then her number would have been blocked

[addictedtobass]

Don't let yourself be walked over op, you need to make it clear this isn't Acceptable or you'll always get this treatment and never see her when she's in a ltr.

[tigermoll]

You are all right. Next time she invites me to fit in round her plans I will refuse and say why.

[Wantsunshine]

I can't stand people who do this when they get a new man. It is so self absorbed. I do get why you don't say anything as the usual comeback for these type of people is that you are jealous. I think the best thing is not be so available and turn her invites down for a bit.

[Inkspellme]

I wouldn't wait til next time. I would text her something like " today was very unfair of you. I spent time and effort trying to fit in your arrangements and you made no effort for me. This is not the first time. This is not how a friend should be treated".

[vienna1981]

Sounds like a right self-centred tart. Instruct her to do one with maximum expediency.

[tigermoll]

She called today and I ignored it. No message so I don't know if it was an apology or an invite to do something else inconvenient. To those saying I need assertiveness training I heartily concur - in fact have already been on a course. The problem is that I find it difficult to react in the moment - I m the type who needs to go and think about things before I really know how I feel.

[enriquetheringbearinglizard]

If she invites you to anything else reply that she should text you when she arrives and you'll be right there