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Christmas related Aibu...

(65 Posts)
LokiBear Sat 22-Nov-14 10:41:25

We moved to a much bigger house in the summer. Our 32 in tv now looks a little small in our lounge. PIL and DH have mentioned about how we 'need' a bigger tv pretty much constantly. DH is desperate for one but we can't afford it atm. Especially when there is nothing wrong with the old one. So far, we have had several conversations with pil about the TV. The first, asking us why we didn't treat ourselves to a bigger one. We said that we couldn't afford it. The next, offering to give DH half towards a big tv as his Christmas present (they buy it, we pay them our half back monthly). DH said no, again because we don't need one and the house is much more expensive than our old one; we are still getting used to higher monthly out goings and do not want to over stretch ourselves financially. Today, DH has had a phone call from pil suggesting that they buy it for us as a joint present. PIL asked dh to ask me if I was ok with that and then let them know. I can't say no, can I? DH would agree in a heartbeat. PIL really want him to have his tv. If I say no I'm being a complete cow. I'm not bothered about actually having a bigger tv. However, I would never dictate to pil what to buy me for Christmas. I just wish they hadn't asked because I feel like it is all on me. I'm uncomfortable with the amount of money they spend on us anyway. I worry that my parents compare and feel bad as they spend a more modest amount. I dont want to be in this position because I want to say no but I cant without looking like a selfish bitch. For the record, my pil are lovely people, I love them to bits and there are no issues. I do know how lucky I am.

IHeartKingThistle Sat 22-Nov-14 10:46:25

I'd let them buy it, though I do understand how you feel.

jaynebxl Sat 22-Nov-14 10:46:51

If they're happy to do it, your dh is keen and there's nothing else you would particularly want them to be you then go for it. I was against having a big TV but it does make sense in a bigger room. However if you really wanted them to buy you something different tell your dh that.

Hatespiders Sat 22-Nov-14 10:49:31

It would probably give them enormous pleasure to give you the TV as a Christmas gift. I'd accept with good grace and a big 'thank you'.

dancestomyowntune Sat 22-Nov-14 10:50:02

I totally understand how you feel. We have a 20inch tv in our lounge and you would think, from the reactions of lots of family members, that we were living in the dark ages! Why do living rooms need to be dominated by a massive tv??? It does the job and we are happy with it.

However if your PIL are so keen to buy you a new one I'd be tempted to let them. It's a nice gesture and your dh would probably be thrilled!

Nanny0gg Sat 22-Nov-14 10:56:16

Not much of a Christmas present for the OP though, is it? I think your PiL are trying to be kind and your DH should have said No on your behalf.

LokiBear Sat 22-Nov-14 10:58:31

Honestly, there are a million (much cheaper) things I'd sooner have. They know this which is why they are asking me to make the decision. It is out of kindness and consideration and I do appreciate that. However, I can't say no. I wish they'd just bought it and not asked.

SaucyJack Sat 22-Nov-14 11:07:23

If it was anyone else other than your PILs then I'd say YWNBU.

But your DH wants a bigger telly, and his parents want to buy one for their son.

It's not really about you tbh.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 22-Nov-14 11:08:13

Of course you can say no. TV Sucks the life out of life, nobody really needs a bigger one.

puntasticusername Sat 22-Nov-14 11:09:02

Tricky situation. What would you do with the old TV? Could you at least sell it and recoup some cash to buy some of the other things you want?

LokiBear Sat 22-Nov-14 11:27:11

DH won't sell it and I wouldn't ask him to. His parents bought that one for him a couple of years ago so he'd want to keep it. I agree that it is about pil wanting to buy something for their son. They know I don't want a tv. I just wish they hadn't insisted on asking because it puts unwanted pressure on me. DH has just said 'are you sure you really want a tv?' I've had to lie. He knows I'm lying and feels guilty. I don't want to be in this position.

Floggingmolly Sat 22-Nov-14 11:36:43

How much bigger is it? 32 inch is hardly tiny?

SaucyJack Sat 22-Nov-14 11:39:12

You don't need to lie to your husband. Just tell him you don't mind either way, and to crack on with it if that's what they all want to do.

foslady Sat 22-Nov-14 11:45:12

Tell them what you want is an end to the damn conversation - if this is what will cure it fine, but don't expect you to kiss their feet about it......

LokiBear Sat 22-Nov-14 11:46:05

Yeah I did that. Obviously, my DH knows I don't want one as we have discussed it before. He doesn't believe I'm not bothered and knows I'm agreeing to it for him.

JADS Sat 22-Nov-14 11:51:34

Well. It's a shit Christmas present for you but I would probably suck it up and accept it gracefully

Also I would be insisting that the 32 inch is sold and money given to pil. If they won't accept it, I think it should be used to buy you a small cheap present you really want. However my dh doesn't value birthdays or Christmas so I tend to have to be a bit mercenary to get something I really want <bitter>

diddl Sat 22-Nov-14 11:57:42

So ypur Christmas present from them is half of something that you don't want??

How big is the room & how is it arranged?

We've got a tv area & a sitting area iyswim.

So the tv doesn't need to be big enough to be seen from the other side of the room.

Thehedgehogsong Sat 22-Nov-14 12:00:02

My in laws do things like it's all the time! They know I don't like having lots of money spent on me , I'm not ungrateful of course and they're very lovely it just makes me so uncomfortable! But they can't help it, so they try and find a way to still get us what they want without it being a direct gift. It's so hard not to squirm! I defer all the decisions to DH regarding them, as he is less likely to feel angry and imposed upon. If he thinks it will make them and him happy, and not inconvenience me too much, I will go along with it.

This year I think we are getting a dishwasher. Because DH wants one!

Oldraver Sat 22-Nov-14 12:02:28

I think its selfish of both PILs and you DH. They both have an obsession with a bigger tv and expect you to forgo a present as a result.

If they want to be oh so generous then it should be DH's whole Christmas present.

amidaiwish Sat 22-Nov-14 12:04:54

let's be clear. your inlaws buy presents mostly for their son
your parents buy presents mostly for you
let them buy the TV
yes they should have just done it but they sound nice, they want you to be happy with it as they will know it's not what you'd choose. but really you don't get to choose presents. accept it with good grace and a smile on your face.

Nanny0gg Sat 22-Nov-14 12:12:33

yes they should have just done it but they sound nice, they want you to be happy with it as they will know it's not what you'd choose. but really you don't get to choose presents. accept it with good grace and a smile on your face.

Why? Though it's her DH I have a problem with. He wants the TV and he will get it any way he can. And his wife can whistle for anything she might want.

Selfish.

Nanny0gg Sat 22-Nov-14 12:13:28

Tell you what, OP. Whatever you were going to spend on your DH, spend on yourself.

DaisyFlowerChain Sat 22-Nov-14 12:18:19

His parents so upto him what he chooses to accept as a gift. Just as what your parents buy you is upto them. I can't imagine telling DH he can't have x gift from his parents as I want x.

Castlemilk Sat 22-Nov-14 12:20:36

Your DH needs to step up here and say to PIL 'Sorry, Loki really doesn't want one. She agreed, by the way, for my sake - but I know she actually really doesn't want a bigger one. We've already got a tv which does fine, it's not fair to keep pushing on this when we all know she doesn't want it. Please get us something else for Christmas and also, can you drop the subject of what TV we should have in OUR house? Thanks'

RunawayReindeer Sat 22-Nov-14 12:25:11

I agree with a PP regarding inlaws tend to buy for dh and my parents but for me.
They are asking you because they want to make you feel like you have a say when realistically all parties involved know you kind of don't....

For what it's worth my 'd'inlaws tend to spend around ££150 on dh, £120 dd, £50 dd2 (but only just 7 months, so obviously doesn't need to be equal to dd1) and £20 on me smile

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