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To want to meet up for girlie night out before midnight!

(18 Posts)
Mezzalune Fri 21-Nov-14 20:51:50

I'm a mum to a one year old and so my lifestyle has changed. While I used to think nothing of clubbing until two in the morning now it's not so easy to do and on the rare day I have off I'm either too tired to go clubbing or don't want a hangover as I would be looking after my baby the following day.
However, this weekend i won't be having my son until Sunday as he's with my mil so I have agreed to go out Saturday night.

I really want to go out. I am never able to and it will be great to see my friend. She only has me as a friend so I really want to go so that she gets to have a night out and meet new people.

The only thing is, her idea of a great night out is getting to the club at midnight and staying on until 4am. Forgetting about the fact I have a baby, even as an 18 year old that really is my idea of hell on earth!

I feel exhausted just thinking about it! Not only that, I live 9miles from the city so would have to fork out £30 at least for a taxi back to my house if I stay out past 2:30am. I want to get the night bus back at 2:40am and then a taxi the following 2 miles from the bus station to my house. This will then cost £8.

My friend is really upset as she says we will only have two hours to dance if I go back that 'early'. She is right, and if we are only meeting up at midnight it doesn't seem worth it at all. I would love to meet at around 9 and have a few drinks and then hit the club but apparently until after midnight everywhere is quiet and there's no atmosphere so she really doesn't want to get in any earlier than midnight but has compromised on 11:30.

She's really nice but I can tell she is so disappointed about the times I have asked to meet up. I feel really guilty. She was the one who incited me out so I also feel a bit cheeky changing the times she invited me to come. I'm her only friend here as she moved from her hometown to study Up here so never gets to socialise.

We do meet up in town in the day quite a bit but never to a proper club which I know she really likes.

Am I unreasonable to not stay out
Later than 2:30? Should I just suck it up and pay the extra money to
Give my friend a good night out that she will properly enjoy.
Hopefully soon she will meet someone who likes partying until the early hours as much as she does!

maddening Fri 21-Nov-14 20:55:52

Just say you fancy going to dinner and then for a few drinks - it doesn't have to be a nightclub night and surely she is capable of enjoying a meal and a few drinks.

Letthemtalk Fri 21-Nov-14 20:57:33

Meeting up at 12???? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!!

maddening Fri 21-Nov-14 20:57:49

If it a once in a while thing then do the club till late - have a sleep when dc go to bed and get up at 10pm, by the time you hit the club you'll be refreshed from a big nap smile

EatShitDezza Fri 21-Nov-14 20:58:05

Just tell her you can't go out that late and stay out that long.

Go earlier.

Tbh I'm like your friend. We don't go out til 12ish after drinkimg and getting ready but we are out til 8am. Once I didn't get in til 4 the following afternoon!

Mezzalune Fri 21-Nov-14 20:59:13

She would enjoy a few drinks but invited me to go clubbing and I know it is clubbing she wants to go. She wants to Go proper clubbing tomorrow and I completely understand that.

I actually want to go clubbing too and don't mind that I won't have long in the club.

We go for meals a lot but never to a proper club so that's why she is so excited. A meal out isn't the same

Mezzalune Fri 21-Nov-14 21:05:05

It's not the tiredness so much but the fact that I want to be able get the 2:40am bus back rather than pay a lot of money for a taxi when I don't really have the money. I can afford it. But it's a waste of money when I can pay only a few pounds oif I leave at 2:30.

It's very common now to start the night at midnight. The clubs get busy at that time and get less busy about 3:30-4:00. When I was 18(I'm only 24) the clubs all closed at 2:30 and the night started at 11. I used to get there with my friends at 10 while the music was quiet and have a few drinks. We always got in free then too as most places are free before 10(this not why we went at that time though).

We've arranged to meet at 11:30
So the time to start the night has been sorted it's just whether I should go back at 2:30am or go r her a great night and so back later.

I sound geriatric!

MrsMaker83 Fri 21-Nov-14 21:10:21

She should be willing to compromise seeing as its a rare night out for you.

EatShitDezza Fri 21-Nov-14 21:10:47

Depends how much you enjoy it I guess. If you decide you don't to leave yet then don't but if you want to them go for the bus.

I usually regret my nights out on Sunday at 4pmish

JuniperTisane Fri 21-Nov-14 21:16:59

What time are you getting your son back? Could you crash at her place for a few hours and go home late sunday morning?

Mezzalune Fri 21-Nov-14 21:35:33

I get him back in the evening
But can't sleep in anywhere but my own home. :-(

MistressDeeCee Fri 21-Nov-14 22:07:51

Well..just tell her you're in the mood for a catch up over a few drinks, not clubbing. Or, go to the club and enjoy yourself..its not a regular feature is it, and you only live once! I don't understand the "I can't sleep anywhere but my own home" part, surely you've stayed with a friend before? & she sounds like a good friend. If you are looking for various reasons NOT to go out to the club then I say tell her sooner rather than later, tho.

MistressDeeCee Fri 21-Nov-14 22:08:35

Sorry meant, if you are looking for reasons not to make a night of it ie go home early then tell her soon, so she is definite about what's happening.

OraProNobis Fri 21-Nov-14 23:09:21

I think you should ask yourself why YOU are feeling all the guilt. In my opinion she should be feeling some too for failing to understand your situation or grasp the fundamentals of your needs both financial and with regard to being fit for childcare the next day.

Mezzalune Sat 22-Nov-14 10:53:05

Thanks for the replies. I love meeting up in the day. Going for a coffee or to the cinema etc, but I spend most days alone with my son with a few baby clubs to help with the boredom and then I'm asleep for 10-11ish each night. I do feel like I'm wasting my life, playing it safe and not really letting my hair down but since I live far out from the city centre it's quite a lot of effort and expense to have a night out and I am usually very tired for it all.

When I was 18-22 I pretty much went clubbing every other day so I feel like I've had my fun and youth and I've just lost the appetite for it now. I hate the hangover feeling and I hate all the dark, loud, busy atmosphere.

But I am only 24. I may look back and regret all the nights I didn't go on.

I'm thinking of cancelling tonight. My boyfriend wants to come back with baby this afternoon and stay tonight so it means inevitably getting up with baby in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep(my boyfriend is very lazy with our son). He says he will do all the work but he won't and Sunday will be wasted with me exhausted.

I have until 5pm to myself so if I don't go out tonight I can spend the day reading a book in a coffee shop. Now that is my idea of fun!

Any ideas on what to say when I cancel though? My friend will be truly gutted but I'm basically spending money I don't have, on something I don't want to do and won't enjoy.

I do enjoy clubbing. But only when leaving the house and coming back with a group of people and not having my son the next day. For example, when my boyfriend and I go clubbing we meet up with friends at ours and then head to the club and then come back to the same area all together.

Singingholly16 Tue 09-Dec-14 15:12:49


Fallingovercliffs Tue 09-Dec-14 15:16:37

In a way she only has herself to blame if you cancel. She seems to have organised the night totally on the basis of what she enjoys, with no thought to you. Also, she needs to widen her social circle. Then she can have friends who want to go out clubbing until late, friends who she can just meet up with for dinner and a drink etc.
Relying totally on you for friendship and then making you feel guilty if you don't go along with exactly what she wants is unfair on you and she needs to grow up and realise that.

chrome100 Tue 09-Dec-14 15:28:21

She's right in that all the "proper" clubs won't be busy until 12ish but there's nothing wrong with going to a few bars and meeting at 9/10 surely? If you can't handle the tiredness/hangover with a small child (and I don't blame you!) she should be more understanding.

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