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To not feed next door neighbour's cat?

(30 Posts)
DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot Fri 21-Nov-14 14:50:16

NDN's have recently acquired a cat. I think they put her out when they leave for work in the morning, and let her back in later in the evening/night. They have no cat flap.

Since the weather has turned colder, the cat saunter through my cat flap and sit in my house all day. I don't mind, but at the same time I don't want the NDN to think I am encouraging her. I tried putting her out every time she walked in but she'd just instantly come back in.

DH thinks I'm being cruel by not feeding her, but I don't want to encourage her or let her think this is like a second home.

I don't want to change my cat flap to one of those tag accessed ones, I'm perfectly happy as it is, but AIBU to not feed the cat at all? She's very bold and demanding and she hisses and swipes at my cats, all the more reason I don't want to give her more incentive to keep coming in.

whois Fri 21-Nov-14 14:56:19

You let a cat some in your house who hisses and swipes at your own cats?

Either pony up the cash for a magnetic cat flap, or do some hissing and chasing of this other cat away.

DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot Fri 21-Nov-14 15:02:47

Whenever she hisses I always put her straight out. She doesn't scare mine, she's a tiny little thing, harmless, she just has an attitude problem.

Thursdayisgoingtobehard Fri 21-Nov-14 15:38:41

This sounds like my horror. I am home all day but he much prefers his "other mum" in the downstairs flat. We have had a chat about it as I felt terrible that he was in their flat for a few hours each day. We have come to the conclusion that she doesn't feed him but let's him in/out when her cat does. However the little shit won't let her cat in our flat confused. I tend to buy my neighbour the odd bottle of wine/chocolates which she loves! Hopefully your neighbour would be up for a conversation about what to do next.

Lilicat1013 Fri 21-Nov-14 16:33:47

I have that problem! My neighbour's cats are near constant visitors. She got a puppy and they are a little put out.

I don't feed them but they do steal any food my cat doesn't eat. At the moment my rule is they get sent out every evening at 5pm so my cat can eat his evening meal in peace. The house is then locked up and they don't get in again till we open the door to let him out in the morning after he has had his breakfast.

The boy cat is very sweet and the girl cat has a bit of an attitude but they are harmless and it generally isn't to much of a problem. I speak to their owner on Facebook and confirmed to her I wasn't feeding them and really, really didn't want them to move in so all is ok at the moment. My cat has visited hers in the past but probably wont now because of the puppy.

Maybe you could speak to your NDN but definitely don't feed the visitor cat otherwise she will move in.

outofcontrol2014 Fri 21-Nov-14 16:37:14

Of course YANBU!

I would definitely think about getting a different cat flap - I know you say that you don't want to, but they are cheap compared to the vet's bill when one of your cats gets so stressed by a new, aggressive intruder that it gets unwell.

I have a big black tom cat who used to be indoors-only, but developed a thing for going outdoors after a house move. The poor little cat next door who is literally half his size developed an anxiety disorder for a bit. Things settled down and they avoid one another quite happily now, but cats are very sensitive to these changes and it can take months for them to adjust.

BrainyMess Fri 21-Nov-14 16:39:07

A feral cat adopted us a few months ago.

As he never knew where his next meal was coming from he's a bit of glutton and is getting fat.

He now is brave enough to visit one of our neighbours, we have asked them not to feed him obviously.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Fri 21-Nov-14 16:41:20

In my experience of cats it matters not what a jot you do as they have already assessed the situation and lead the agenda.

Rebellion is futile. grin

Preciousbane Fri 21-Nov-14 16:47:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoraGora Fri 21-Nov-14 16:48:39

It's not the cats, it's the humans that are the problem. In our road the visiting cat is locked out when they go away, sometimes, it seems, for weeks. We do feed it. But, if we don't, according to the neighbours, that I've spoken to, they'll do it instead.

LST Fri 21-Nov-14 16:50:50

precious I disagree that it's mean. I go to work and mine are out all day. I think they'd prefer to be out than locked in all day with no choice!

WooWooOwl Fri 21-Nov-14 17:04:53

Of course you shouldn't feed anyone else's cats, and in your position I'd be telling the neighbours what's going on and tipping buckets of water over the cat every time it came anywhere near my house.

PestoStormissimos Fri 21-Nov-14 17:06:31

Just get a SureFlap.

Hatespiders Fri 21-Nov-14 17:09:47

Poor thing, it probably doesn't understand about which house is his, and he's cold hanging about outside. Please let him come in, and surely a little tiny bit of food won't hurt? He'll eat his main meal when his owners get home.

Our lovely neighbours have 4 cats and we have 3. The place is awash with them all! They all seem to mosey in and out of our two houses at will during the day. I often find Alfie (theirs) curled up in our kitchen, and Squiggly (theirs again!) on the soft sleeping pad in the utility room. Apparently, our SmokyPoky visits them, but sadly he sprays (he's a terrible wee-er) on their furniture so they have to keep an eye open. Our Minty thumps about on their roof ('mountaineering' fanatic)
There is a bit of hissing and swiping, but that's nerves. They have to maintain some sort of pecking order.
I'm sad to think of that poor little chap out in the cold during the winter. The best solution is a catflap on their door. But will yours go in through it too?

thecatneuterer Fri 21-Nov-14 17:11:04

'Tipping buckets of water of it'?? Fucking hell WooWoo. That's horrific. A cold, wet cat, with no way to get inside, could well die of hypothermia in this weather.

The neighbours need persuading to get a cat flap ideally. Otherwise they shouldn't be shutting it outside. Cats don't like the cold. No wonder the poor thing is looking for warmth. If you can't talk sense into the neighbours then it would be a bit cruel not to let it inside in awful weather

thecatneuterer Fri 21-Nov-14 17:11:58

over it

JoffreyBaratheon Fri 21-Nov-14 17:46:52

I'd let it stay if it is only little and not distressing your own cats. But YANBU to not feed it. I would never feed it. Slippery slope. I've been there.

When my cat hoarding/feral cat feeding ex neighbour moved out, she seemed to leave a number of cats. We realised amongst those she had left behind, was her old original and for many years only cat. The cat hoarding just started in the last 2 or 3 years she lived next door. The original cat was 18. Horrible that she was left and the younger, cuter ones were taken.

She took 'only' 3 with her, I was told. She was a great neighbour in many ways - we always got on well. And we had no idea of the extent of the cat problem. Apparently the council had to fumigate the house twice. We found empty feed sacks of expensive cat food out in the outhouse - stacks of them. She was presumably not paying the rent to pay for the cats. We live near lots of farms and barns and feral cats soon vanished. All except 4.

Upshot was, our own 19 year old cat - who loathes all other cats on sight - ended up with a new 'sister' - a fugly, cross eyed, mahoosive moggy (who also looks old). She just moved in with us after spending a couple of weeks crying behind the freezer in the neighbour's old outhouse. She had been the only house-cat and was bereft to be left behind when the prettier cats were taken. My sons kept going round there and getting her out from behind the freezer, to feed her. Slowly, she decided to move in with us.

I rang all the local charities but they all said they were full and I knew the 18 year old and the fugly black cat would have been PTS immediately by the RSPCA.

There were 2 other ferals that lingered.

Another neighbour fed all 3 for a while but fugly cross eyed decided she was living with us (ignoring my own cat's hatred of her). SO now we feed her and neighbour feeds the elderly cat and one feral. The other feral got run over. We buried her in our garden.

18 months on they now tolerate eachother. Fugly cat is friendly and the sweetest natured cat I have ever known. Our evil cat now sleeps next to fugly cat in the daytime, inside.

JoffreyBaratheon Fri 21-Nov-14 17:51:09

Forgot to say these are council houses and when we rang the council they said there was nothing they had to do about it in law. SO many cats have died on the road outside these houses (cat hoarder lost 5 in one year) we felt it was too dangerous. But apparently abandoned cats are nothing to do with them. I found one charity specialising in feral cats but they were full and have never rung back. The council's only suggestion was that myself and other neighborus feed the cats til the new tenants moved in - then leave it to them as the cat was 'from' their house!

New neighbours are threatening, and totally unapproachable - also announced they hated cats and their dog would chase/kill them. So myself and another neighbour left picking up the slack.

Purplepixiedust Fri 21-Nov-14 18:02:00

OP you do not sound perfectly happy tbh so if you really don't want this cat in get a different cat flap. You are not being unreasonable to not feed it or let it in, it has a home.

If you do let it in, watch your cats are not getting to stressed. We had this a few years ago and my cat stopped using the litter tray near the door for fear of being attacked while in the middle of doing her business. We ended up locking (and coveing up) our cat flap intil the neoghbouring cat gave up and stopped coming.. Maybe move the food and litter tray to an area away from the door.

Purplepixiedust Fri 21-Nov-14 18:02:57

Sorry about the typos. Don't know what's happening tonight!

DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot Fri 21-Nov-14 18:05:32

I do feel sorry for her and let her stay when she behaves. She will just sit on the mat by the catflap for the whole day practically! She obvs doesn't like the cold weather. I think she's intimidated by my boy cats, which is why she hisses and spits at them, but it's only when they come near to her, and I always put her out when she does it so she knows it's not ok and so that my cats know I'll always protect them from threats.

I have asked the NDN if they're getting a cat flap a few weeks ago but I don't think they have plans to.

The reason I posted an AIBU is because I did feel really mean today when I came home and fed my cats and she was quite obvs starving as she bolted and grabbed a chunk of their food and then ran to the door. I put her outside while mine ate but I felt so mean. But I thought NDN would prefer to feed her when they got in from work and so I would be out of order.

It's really difficult seeing her hungry but it's not like she'll starve, if that was the case I def would feed her.

It was when NDN mentioned she'd been eating much less at home that I realised she was getting full off the scraps mine were leaving in the bowls so I've started moving them out the way when mine are done.

Hatespiders Fri 21-Nov-14 18:40:49

By the way OP do those NDN leave water outside for their cat? Cats don't drink a lot, but must always have access to clean water.

Selinasupreme Fri 21-Nov-14 18:46:25

WARNING! A friend had a magnetic catflap that somehow managed to malfunction while he was away for a weekend (left the cat with a slow release feeding bowl) and he came back to 4 very scared, angry cats and a house covered in cat shit and piss as they managed to get in the flap but couldn't get back out again. He only had one cat.

DHandhisghastlyhauntedfoot Fri 21-Nov-14 18:50:52

I don't know if they leave water out or not, I haven't checked.

That sounds horrifying Selina!

I would not feed the cat but, if you can have any influence over the situation at all, try to get them to fit a flap. The cat obviously doesn't want to be outside the whole time they're away, or it would stay outside.

Wonder if they've considered what the cat will do if you're away at all? Perhaps asking them that would encourage them to think.

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