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To want to know how to limit baby photos on FB etc?

(19 Posts)
NormaStits Fri 21-Nov-14 09:28:53

I was talking about this on another thread but would love some advice & more traffic from AIBU.

I'm due my first baby any day now, have several grown up and almost grown up stepchildren. I use FB on a fairly regular basis, as in I post roughly once a week, sometimes less. I only have about 35 friends on, they're all either family or actual proper friends who I speak to on a regular basis. I plan to put up a select few but not loads of baby photos so my friends and family can see them, with the usual 'friends only' privacy settings.

However, I'm concerned about how to limit what other people put up. My stepchildren have a ridiculous amount of FB friends. They're of the generation of, if you ever spoke to the person you friend them on FB. All old schoolmates (primary, secondary, college), uni friends, work friends past and present, people they've met casually in pubs, people who are friends with their friends, all on FB. They are madly excited about a new sibling and I know they will want to spam FB with photos. I feel, being my stepchildren, I can ask them to create a 'family and close friends only' album for baby photos, but AIBU to extend this request to other people who have similarly poor levels of privacy? Can I ask my aunties, cousins, nieces etc to do the same? I know at least three of them will also think it's fine to spam their timeline with 'cute' baby photos of my kid.

I'm not comfortable with my child's image being online to this extent. Between the people I'm thinking of, they have several thousand friends, the vast majority of whom are strangers to me and always will be. It's not a 'oh no, paedos!' kind of thing, it's just that I feel quite strongly about having my own photo splashed all over the internet, so I don't see why my child's should be without their consent. Someone pointed out it's just like showing friends your photo album but it's not really. Think of all those really cringey photos your parents have of you from when you were in an 'awkward phase', then imagine that those photos are online for everyone your parents and extended family ever met to see. To me, this is the equivalent and it's taking away my child's right to privacy before they've even had the chance to exercise the choice.

But I don't know how to control it. I don't want to say 'no baby photos' to everyone but I don't want the photos to be so accessible to strangers.

Altinkum Fri 21-Nov-14 09:34:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

makeitabetterplace Fri 21-Nov-14 09:40:55

You can't differentiate between what you put online and what anyone else does. If you feel that strongly about it you should cancel your own facebook account. I understand your reticence but if you put an image out there you can't complain if someone else does too.

BaffledSomeMore Fri 21-Nov-14 09:41:15

If you feel that strongly then your choices are really only asking and not putting photos up at all. Very difficult to stop it without looking fussy.

confused79 Fri 21-Nov-14 09:45:22

Thing is, even if just you put the photos up, then anyone that likes or comments on it will have it show up on their friends news feed (you've probably noticed yourself, it says so and so has liked this picture). So, of you're that concerned about people you don't know seeing them I'd not put pictures up full stop.

ChickenMe Fri 21-Nov-14 09:45:48

I think you can disable tagging but people can still title the photo or identify the baby in the comments.

I hate it too. Even if you come off FB what's to stop s/o taking a pic of your baby and putting it on FB? Only you asking them not to I suppose.

In twenty years will people be taking action about photos of them which became FB's property without their consent?

peggyundercrackers Fri 21-Nov-14 09:50:48

don't put your babiess pics on FB - if anyone else puts them up ask for them to be removed. thing is if you put your babies pics up other people will think its OK and they will do the same.

NormaStits Fri 21-Nov-14 10:05:02

If I come off FB or stop putting photos up myself, that doesn't stop my friends from taking photos and putting them up.

My partner is not even on FB and hates her photos going on it but it doesn't stop people posting photos of her on their pages anyway.

As for things showing up when 'liked' etc, only if the privacy settings allow it. So if I put a photo up and my friends like it, it won't show up on their timeline to their friends, because I have my settings done so it won't. When stuff like that shows up on my timeline, it's always photos that have a privacy setting of 'friends of friends' or 'everyone' or similar.

I know it's within the law that they can put photos up, it just really pisses me off that the likes of my stepkids and cousin are so indiscriminate with their friendship groups online. Obviously I don't mind that they choose to do that with their own photos, that's their business. But my cousin put up a video of her nephew being bathed naked a few weeks back, she has 1200 'friends'. I'd hate to have naked baby bath videos of me floating about online!

ChickenMe, I agree, I wonder how it will play out in the future? One of my friends puts SO many photos of her kids up. They are cute kids, lovely photos but there must be close to 2000 photos on her FB now, of every little thing they've ever done and I do wonder how the kids will feel about it in the future.

Or will it just be something that all of today's generation are used with and don't think about?

redexpat Fri 21-Nov-14 10:51:19

I'd just ask them when they take them, would you mind not putting those on FB? If they do, then you report the photo to FB.

youareallbonkers Fri 21-Nov-14 11:00:15

It is unreasonable to dictate what other people do with pics they have taken. If you don't want your child seen then the only options are to cover from head to toe or never take the child out.
But your reasons are not reasonable either

specialsubject Fri 21-Nov-14 11:15:53

you tell them not to do it. It is PERFECTLY REASONABLE to tell people not to put your child's face and name all over the internet, from which there is no erasing.

that is NOT the same as covering them in a burqa. Obviously.


let the child choose when it is older. It is extremely arrogant for other people to make the choice for it.

Bluetonic123 Fri 21-Nov-14 11:20:12

Some of my friends don't want photos of their children on Facebook and so have asked people not to put them up. They also don't put pictures up themselves.

I think if you ask people not to most people will respect that but if you put pictures up yourself then most people will assume that you don't mind.

WorraLiberty Fri 21-Nov-14 11:27:10

I think you need a no online photos policy and stick to it yourself

Of course it might not stop other people from disrespecting your wishes, but you'll look a lot less hypocritical when you tell them you don't want baby pics online.

I think you should stick to one or the other.

OwlinaTree Fri 21-Nov-14 11:32:58

Me and dh use a Google+ group for this. People have to be accepted as friends of the group, and you can't then share with others who are not in the group.

My dh is on face book but doesn't put much on their for our son's privacy in future years.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 21-Nov-14 11:42:34

I never put photos of DD online and have told everyone that they're welcome to take pictures eg at a birthday party but to respect our decision not to put photos online. With most friends and family we explain (or they already know) that this is because DD is adopted. With those we don't want to explain to we don't - if they think we are being weird or precious I don't actually care, given the potential ramifications of this.

And no, I don't dress her in a burqa when I take her out either hmm

lomega Fri 21-Nov-14 11:45:42

I banned pics of my baby off FB for several reasons and people SHOULD respect the parent's wishes. If anyone happens to 'forget' and post pics I report the picture and send a message to whoever put it up. They do all know about the embargo and often test the water to see if I mean it, which is really irritating.

YANBU at all. It's the parent's CHOICE if they don't want pics of their kids on FB and it should be accepted without explanation. If the kids grow up and want their own account that's different but baby pics lie with the parents decision

sunshinemeg Fri 21-Nov-14 11:58:02

Fully support you here.
Had similar with our DD. Got sick of one close relative posting photos of her every week. We ended up sending a blanket message explaining that we had streamlined our own friend lists, but we didn't know all the people on everyone else's pages and therefore felt we needed to give DD some protection. We didn't want to stop people sharing in her development, but hoped they understood in limiting her photos and keeping her name off the posts.

Everyone was fully understanding and supportive. I can pm you the message we sent if it would help

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 21-Nov-14 12:02:26

FB will delete photos of children if you report them as not published with consent or something like that it was on a thread on her a few weeks ago

Sarkymare Fri 21-Nov-14 13:49:11

If you don't want your Childs photos on the internet then just say so. Tell your family and friends your wishes and make it perfectly clear they are not to go against them.

I don't understand the obsession with Facebook. I could click on any number of profiles and instantly know: their name, location, age, where they went to school, who they are friends with, their family members names and location, where they work, when they work, what music and films they like, where they go at the weekend, what they do at the weekend, , likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, what games they are into, where they last holidayed, when they are next going on holiday, how long they are going on holiday for, their childrens names/location, childrens school location, childrens grades, medical problems, bereavement

How many Facebook users do you think would be happy to divulge all this information to a random person on the street? But to share it with thousands of strangers behind a screen is fine.

I can understand why people use it, its great for keeping in contact with friends etc. I just don't understand the need to share absolutely every detail of your life online.

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