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AIBU?

..to NOT be scared of DS's delay?! WTF?!

47 replies

TooGood2BeFalse · 20/11/2014 19:37

Hi all,

This isn't an 'is he or isn't he' kind of thread. Honestly. More of an 'AIBU in my approach' IFYSWIM.

My young sir is 2yrs and nearly 9 months. He was always physically on time, crawling at 6 months, walking by 11 months etc. However, communication was slow. He has always been a non-stop babbler, but actual words took a while (around 2).

My DH has been obsessed, and I MEAN obsessed with DS being autistic. My lovely nephew who is nearly 5 has been diagnosed very recently with moderate-severe autism; DH saw on Dr. Google that there were links to genetics and from the time our son was 12 months was 'searching for red flags, just in case.'

To be fair, when he was much younger (around 12-18 months), he was a different child. Loved things than spun, speech delay and a tiptoer. I kept a very close eye on him, checked in regularly with his doctor - who believed DS was just a trifle behind, but as he is and always was interactive, would turn a corner as he got older.

Speech didn't come for ages, however. He was always interest, active, engaged, smiley etc.. but just words seemed to be beyond him.

My DH was a nightmare at this time (12-18 months). He stopped being the involved daddy that he was, was very critical of our son and in his own words, was 'embarrassed' by little man's lack of speech.

I watched and watched and WATCHED my son like a hawk, trying to see what he did. But I didn't.

Because of DH's concerns, I took my son (alone, he will never come to medical appts for DS with me as he says he is 'dreading' hearing 'the news of his special needs') to a specialist child development center, which has a autism unit. I live in Cyprus, so it is a very different system here - we only had to wait a week to see an autism specialist.

The doctor we saw told me DS had a 'very strange mouth presentation with very low muscle tone' and to take him to an ENT specialist immediately.

Turned out DS has ridiculously enlarged adenoids and tonsils, and is 60% deaf in one ear. He was completely unable to breathe through his nose, which explained why he was having issues with harder foods (choking!). Go figure.

He has now had the offending tonsils and adenoids removed.

We later returned for 2x 2 hour 'play sessions' where the child development team worked with our boy, and basically told us they see no cause for concern regarding autism, but just that he needed speech therapy and to attend nursery ASAP to improve his social skills.

Over the past 4months and particularly since his op, my son has had what I can only describe as a crazy progression. Pointing and naming everything he sees to show you, has learned over 200 new words (pronunciation is a bugger, but Rome wasn't built in a day). He is loving, laid back, a great sleeper, trying new food, walking better and is generally HAPPIER. Loves to be played with, loves to go out and be entertained - I can only describe him as loving life. Literally.

My DH still believes he is autistic, and that I am being negligent by not taking further action.

I don't get it. Yes, I can see that my son is a bit behind his peers. Yes, I know his language is delayed, but I take him 2x a week for speech therapy and he's doing incredibly well.

BUT - he is the happiest, most loving little boy I know. If he eventually DOES turn out to have autistic traits or even a real diagnosis.. should I be scared? Because I'm not. My DH acts like some massive tragedy has fallen upon us, but all I see is a cheerful little chap that hugs his teddies. I'm being told that I'm in denial, blinded by mother's love and that I'm wasting precious time. I have told him that I have ALREADY taken him to several doctors who all say the same thing - but he says that they've missed it and he sees what we don't.

My marriage is falling apart over this - I feel like my son is being observed constantly, I feel like I am constantly doubting myself and my ability as a mother for 'missing' a disorder that DH is convinced is there.

From my POV, I adore my son, he will be a fabulous person whoever he turns out to be - I just don't see the cause for panic or horror if he functions a little differently. So... I guess what I'm asking is, if one parent continues to have doubts about his son's development, AIBU not to a) find yet another doctor to assess him and b) to not feel like it's the end of the FUCKING world if he is delayed/ not neuro-typical etc.?

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lljkk · 20/11/2014 19:41

when he was much younger (around 12-18 months), he was a different child. Loved things than spun, speech delay and a tiptoed.

All very normal for that age. The boy sounds completely "normal" in every way from every word you've written.

I don't know who to feel sorriest for, your DH, you or your boy.

Only question, when did your son actually start pointing & which finger did/does he use?