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People not RSVP'ing to dd's party

(162 Posts)
justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 20-Nov-14 10:03:41

Dd is having a birthday party in just over a week. The invitations were sent out at the beginning of the month. Two people still havn't replied dispite putting last week as the rsvp date. I have since spoken to one of them and they said they still didn't know.
WIBU to presume them as not attending? It really annoys me. It's the height of rudeness, they've had almost a month! The venue said I needed to confirm numbers 2 weeks before, which has now past as I am unable to give them final numbers.

OraProNobis Thu 20-Nov-14 10:08:37

Of course you're able to give them final numbers - ask the person one more time as soon as possible and then say you're sorry but numbers have to be in today so the invitation is withdrawn - make it the venue's fault if you like but people will only mess you around if you let them!

halfdrunkcoffee Thu 20-Nov-14 10:25:03

It really annoys me too. I had about six no-replies for DS's party so I've assumed they're not coming.

Artandco Thu 20-Nov-14 10:31:25

I think it's fine tbh. If numbers that important just say it's too late and no space

I personally hate these invites. A month in advance for a child's party is mad as I have no idea if we will be free then as so far in advance. So I just don't RSVP. If I see parent I might say not sure until a few days before, if a problem put us down as a no, if fine we might come, we might not.

Iv no idea where/ what we are doing for Xmas yet. Could be in Athens, could be New York, could be at home, will depend on work commitments etc in a few weeks. So arranging an hours party play on a Sunday afternoon in 4/6 weeks time is not on my radar

sparkysparkysparky Thu 20-Nov-14 10:40:00

Or you can make a firm commitment to a date for your child's sake and work around it to make it happen. If something else crops in the meantime, let the party giver know. It ain't hard to be polite.

mumofwildthings Thu 20-Nov-14 10:41:17

I find it extremely rude too. If you don't know what your child will be doing in 4 weeks it means s/he's doing nothing and can commit to the party. That's the point of giving notice, not to wait until there's something else on and s/he can't come!

Say no if you're hanging out for a better offer, and if it doesn't come along then ask at the last minute if you can switch to a yes. If not it's your own fault. But much easier for the party planner to be on top of the catering, party bags, number of layers in the pass the parcel etc etc

We had 2 offenders this year. One replied the day before the party to say yes she could come, but then showed up 20mins before the end. The other never replied at all and the poor kid was dropped off 30mins before the party started (we were still setting up the church hall), then picked up before the tea. Not so much as an 'is it OK if I leave her' (they're only 5) or a 'thank you for having her'. It's a child I don't know from my dd's class and I've never met the mum because she works. Big brother just threw her in the door

The height of rudeness imo

DoJo Thu 20-Nov-14 10:43:58

I personally hate these invites. A month in advance for a child's party is mad as I have no idea if we will be free then as so far in advance. So I just don't RSVP.

Why not just contact the person who has invited you and explain that your work patterns are irregular and ask if you can let them know nearer the time? Not replying at all is rude, even if do have a good reason not to know for sure.

Artandco Thu 20-Nov-14 10:53:51

Dojo- because now at school and nursery we can be getting an invite almost daily of this nature. I don't have time or inclination to constantly be calling to explain our life

Ie last weekend we were free in advance, then weds night dh work meetings were cancelled fri and sat, so we picked kids up fri afternoon from school and went straight to airport for weekend visit to dh parents in Greece. A month earlier that weekend was free. This weekend we should be free sat, but now I might have a meeting in Manchester so kids will be there with me if so, if not they would be able to go.

Most people we know do casual parties of it's at our house. Come if your free style. We do the same. Most people we know have the same potentially changing schedule as we do

jellybeans Thu 20-Nov-14 11:25:41

YANBU. I had this recently. Had 5 who didn't reply. I gave them all new invites in case they were lost and spoke to 2 directly but they still didn't reply. On the day 2 of the 5 turned up. Also 3 who did say they were coming didn't turn up. It pisses me off tbh a text doesn't take two mins. Rude.

justalittlelemondrizzle Thu 20-Nov-14 11:29:34

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to try to collar them after school this afternoon but as with a lot of you I dont know who one of the mums are so will rely on Dd to point her out.
I didn't expect a reply a month before. I sent the invites out that the beginning of the month so 3 and a half weeks before the party to give people time to reply. I didn't start to think it was rude until the rsvp date had passed 3 days ago as I think 2 weeks before is fair and due to venue I had no choice. If peoples scheduals are erratic and they wont know till say a day or two before they should just deline so I don't waste my time and money preparing party bags and paying for children who have no intention of coming.

WaroftheRoses Thu 20-Nov-14 11:34:43

Artandco in your case why not just decline everything.
I don't have time or inclination to constantly be calling to explain our life hmm

DoJo Thu 20-Nov-14 11:37:43

Dojo- because now at school and nursery we can be getting an invite almost daily of this nature. I don't have time or inclination to constantly be calling to explain our life

Then why not reply saying you won't be able to come? Just not acknowledging an invitation leaves people hanging on waiting, paying out more than they might otherwise have needed to or unable to confirm numbers until the last minute. You don't have to explain your whole life just say that you won't be sure till nearer the time and say that if they need numbers now not to include your child.

If it's not a common problem for you because most parties are fairly casual, then even more reason why you should make the effort to respond when someone has an activity planned or a party at a venue where they require advance notice of who will be there. It seems mean not to respond simply because you 'don't have the inclination' when the lack of a two minute text could see children disappointed and parents out of pocket.

Tinkerball Thu 20-Nov-14 11:39:53

Art I you sound very rude - it us rude not to reply to an invitation. And how us declining a party invitation for your child having to "explain" your life to anyone??! It's not and that statement just makes you sound very self important.

tobysmum77 Thu 20-Nov-14 11:40:57

yanbu op but I've had invites up to 3 months in advance so I don't always respond immediately. 2 weeks is totally reasonable though and if there was doubt I's just say no.

Tinkerball Thu 20-Nov-14 11:42:26

Especially if you hate invitations that rely on numbers, just say no right away.

BitchPeas Thu 20-Nov-14 11:45:43

Art you are joking aren't you? I have a hectic life and work pattern. I always reply, even if it's to say, sorry don't know yet could I RSVP nearer the time. Once I had to tell the party mum 2 days before the party that sorry, actually DS could not come, and I handed her the present Id bought for her DD. Manners are free and take mere seconds. Organisational skills are also free hmm

You sound very rude and self important.

ScrambledEggAndToast Thu 20-Nov-14 11:47:15

This is a regular thing on MN. My stance would be the following. Ii would give a firm RSVP date and if it was for a venue that needed numbers then after that date, no-one else could come. If it was a home party, same RSVP date but I would do slightly more food/extra couple of layers on pass the parcel in case any extras turned up knowing that it would all get used anyway. I wouldn't go out of my way to spend too much more though.

Elllimam Thu 20-Nov-14 11:49:04

I think it's very rude, if you don't think you can go or aren't sure RSVP no. That way other people aren't paying for a party place for your child.

Artandco Thu 20-Nov-14 11:57:59

It's not rude. Just because some people want super organised parties , doesn't mean the whole world has to comply.

In an ideal world a kids party at ours is 7-9pm, at ours, no RSVP. Does that make everyone rude if they do RSVP, or complain about the time? No. Each family does what suits them and family.

sparkysparkysparky Thu 20-Nov-14 12:05:26

If you can't make it, send a text as soon as you can. If you change your mind, send a text as soon as you can. If you just plain forget, text an apology. I don't care about your hectic life. I have one of my own. I'm tempted not to invite regular no show-ers again but I always buckle because I don't want to exclude a child because they have rude parents. Maybe I should in future.

TwelveLeggedWalk Thu 20-Nov-14 12:06:37

You don't have to 'comply', you just RSVP to say 'Thank you very much, but I'm afraid we can't commit to that right now'.

Then the host can say 'Ah well, too bad' if they need numbers. Or 'it's not a problem if you drop in last minute', if it's not a problem to them.

WaroftheRoses Thu 20-Nov-14 12:09:17

It is rude! Your child has been invited and the organiser wants to know who will be there, how many to cater for, how many to book for. If you don't care for that kind of party then don't go, but tell the organiser you won't be there! I bet you would kick up a fuss if you turned up at a party and your child was turned away because you hadn't replied....

You also will put your kids at a disadvantage as they grow up, as they will be the ones with the reputation of not bothering to reply to party invites. Which will lead to them not being invited to things any more. Sad fact but true.

Artandco Thu 20-Nov-14 12:10:11

Sparky - I would be overjoyed to receive less invites, then we will offend less people according to this thread

Tbh they probably only attend 1 in 10, as we are busy/ or they don't want to go anyway. Parties at weekends should be banned for kids anyway! Much easier if weekday evenings

kali110 Thu 20-Nov-14 12:27:50

Op presume they are not attending.
If they don't have the courtsey to get in touch with you then give the venue the final numbers.
You can't hold the planning up just because some parents are rude.

Vikingbiker Thu 20-Nov-14 13:14:28

Can they tell you today if they are coming as you are finalising numbers first thing tomorrow

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