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To ask for help to get my 9mo to sleep through the night?

(16 Posts)
Changedmyusername Thu 20-Nov-14 07:35:25

I have a 9mo who has started waking up multiple (4-5) times each night. When she was tiny she used to sleep about 12 hours - but now boy am I paying for it. I feel like we have a newborn! She's bf and on three meals a day, will also drink water from a cup. She's always been a bit of a boob monster and when she wakes at night she won't settle without a bf - although i think this is more for comfort than food.

Im shattered! She usually goes down well at about 6.30 but the waking starts from about midnight. Am I putting her to bed wAaaay too early? She seems shattered by then! Probably because also doesn't nap for more than about 20 mins in her pramwhen we're doing the school run with my older dd! Hence the early bedtime. Should i try and introduce naps so I can push her bedtime back?

I want to continue bf until she's at least a year but wibu to not bf when she wakes at night? Does anyone have any tips for settling her in the night - can I do controlled crying or is that just for when you initially put them down to sleep?

Im frazzled. Thought it would be easier with second baby but there's a big gap between them and I seem to have forgotten everything and mucked up the sleep thing!

Anyone got any wisdom for me?

ArthurShappey Thu 20-Nov-14 07:47:19

My DS was like this and at 11 months I cracked... I couldn't breast feed to sleep anymore so we had to get him to sleep without breast feeding.

What we did was breast feed him in our bed while DH read a story. And then DH and I took him to his room. Said goodnight and I left, DH stayed at his door. We had protests and it broke my heart, for 3 nights. But I wasn't allowed back in, I couldn't give up and feed him because we'd be back to square one (I know this, my DS is stubborn). DH would go up to him and stroke him, tap him, soothe him, give him milk from a cup and then go back to the door. After 3 nights he slept through. DH continued to wait at his door until he was asleep for 2 more weeks and then we cracked it. Either of us could put him to bed, comfort him, and he didn't demand feeding to sleep anymore. We still went through the odd bad patch. But we has to do it because I was beginning to resent breast feeding. I went on to breast feed for another 15 months after this and felt much better about it. My DH was amazing, do you have a supportive partner?

MildDrPepperAddiction Thu 20-Nov-14 07:52:17

Have you tried changing her bedtime? Not by much, say to 7/7:30? 6:30 seems a bit early (maybe just me)

You should read The Baby Whisperer.
Hope she starts settling soon.

Gilraen Thu 20-Nov-14 07:55:22

Sorry this is short because I'm in a rush! If you want to think about night weaning Google the Dr jay Gordon method. He recommends it for over-1s but we did it just before one because I was ill. It's a gentle way to stop night feeds. We took it slower than he suggests but it definitely helped.

Stonechat Thu 20-Nov-14 07:56:19

All of our kids went through a time of bf for comfort and poor sleeping at around that age, same time as they went into the clingy phase. Personally I'd continue with the nighttime bf for that reason, but of course YANBU to limit it if that feels necessary. Maybe push her bedtime back and try to up the naps (6.30 is quite early IMO). Co-sleeping worked for us to minimise nighttime disruption, but I know it doesn't work for everyone. Beyond that, lots of sympathy!

wheresthelight Thu 20-Nov-14 08:31:04

My dd goes down at about 630 so I don't think it's that unusual if they are tired (she never naps either) but maybe try introducing a dream feed from a bottle at about 10?

have you looked at whether the temperature in the room drops about that time? my heating goes off at about 1030 and by midnight it can be quite chilly so I put an extra blanket over dd when I come to bed and that helps.

hope you cracking soon but Google sleep regression as there are lots of tips on there

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Thu 20-Nov-14 08:34:25

I would stop bf through the night. Get your partner to do a few nights whilst you get through it, as it would be v difficult for you to go to her and refuse bf.

3 nights, he goes in to her, no bf = she should start sleeping through

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

DoJo Thu 20-Nov-14 08:36:13

How long has it been going on? I only ask because it might just be a phase where she needs the comfort of you reassuring her and will get past it. If she is only napping for 20 minutes a day, then it is possible she is over tired - I never believed this as a reason for night wakings, but even in my toddler his night waking is noticeably worse when he has got to the point of dropping before bed...

Themirrorcracked Thu 20-Nov-14 08:53:36

Hi op,

My 8 month old has been doing this for a month about 6 times a night, and 3 times before that in the evening before I go to bed, and I am knackered. He is bf too, and co sleeps because he has never been a great sleeper. If he wakes in the night he always wants milk and either cries or just won't sleep without it.

Something had to change so last night my DW slept with him as usual and I slept in a different room, and I only had to feed him once. Apparently he woke, cried for a few seconds, saw I wasn't there and let my partner comfort him happily enough. Apparently when I heard him crying and went in he had only woken right then and my DW says he was actually on the verge of going to sleep again and I didn't need to feed him.

Don't know if it going to solve the problem long term, but might be worth a try? Send your partner into her?

TarkaTheOtter Thu 20-Nov-14 08:59:09

I've been waiting since 8 months for this to pass and baby is now nearly 11 months. I'm now night weaning. I give water from a cup instead and cuddle/pat but just don't feed. Last night I didn't feed at all from 8-6 and wasn't even engorged in the morning despite normally feeding through the night so am pretty sure it was "comfort" not hunger and I'm happy to provide the comfort in other ways.

EEVEElution Thu 20-Nov-14 09:03:42

These details are so similar to my DD, used to sleep through, now wakes several times a night for bf. Have you tried a dummy? For DD if she's not actually hungry that satisfies her in the same way that boob does!

Changedmyusername Thu 20-Nov-14 09:05:42

Thank you all so much. My DH is very supportive and helpful, and I know he's more than happy to go in to her instead of me. To be honest he has suggested this several times but when I hear her crying so much I always crack and go and give her the boob - usually to triumphant grins from her! They're not stupid are they, these babies!

I think il try a combination of all your advice! Will put her to bed a bit later tonight, try a dream feed at 10 ish, and then if she wakes in the night il send DH in to comfort her.

And try not to crack myself!

Scotinoz Thu 20-Nov-14 09:20:50

My almost 1 year old has two 90 minute naps and goes to bed at 7. She's been doing that since about 9 months, and once the 20 minute catnaps turned into proper naps her night time sleeping really improved.

I also ditched the night feeds at around 8 months. I started with not feeding between midnight and 5am, and it just sort of evolved. Nightmare for the first week or do but I think you've got to do it. Once sleep is sorted everyone feels much better.

TarkaTheOtter Thu 20-Nov-14 13:05:48

If you're going to get dh to go in, get some earplugs and let him get in with it. You get a chance to have some sleep and you'll be less likely to give in.

ArthurShappey Thu 20-Nov-14 14:11:46

I should add with mine we started what I described at 11 months, but the phase had been going on from 8 months onwards. And I was beginning to resent breast feeding... Night weaning helped me to continue breast feeding until he was over 2 years old.

10storeylovesong Thu 20-Nov-14 14:17:08

I don't really have any tips as I did no sleep training etc whatsoever, but just wanted to offer a glimmer of hope. My ds was a terrible sleeper as a baby. He didn't sleep through the night once until he was 15 months. I let him get on with it , cuddled him when he wanted a cuddle and fed him when he wanted feeding despite advice from HV that I was creating problems for myself. He's now 21 months and sleeps every night from 7pm to 8am with no wake ups and no trouble whatsoever going to bed - in fact he takes himself to bed most nights when he's tired. I honestly think that he is confident that if he needs us, we'll be there so he doesn't feel the need to test the boundaries.

I hope things get better for you soon - I know how hard sleep deprivation is.

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