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To let this one drop?

(46 Posts)
in2theblues Wed 19-Nov-14 19:59:52

DH had a PPI repayment into his account two weeks ago - just over 1.5k. So we got a new cooker; a few other bits and pieces. Paid some bills and gave our DSs a ton each.

Last night an unexpected bill came in via email. I asked if the PPI would cover it for now. He's got nothing left when there should be over £700. I asked where it had gone and his immediate response was 'I didn't gamble it'. Eh!? Who mentioned gambling? The thought actually never crossed my mind.

Little bit of squeaking later, and him with lying eyes on all the way, I got his account and password out of him - he promised that he'd only 'tried to log on'. I constructed a 'self imposed' five year ban from all casinos right in front of him.

Went to work today still cross. Money is gone, lying is proved, as I looked into his internet history, ban is imposed. Not a thing has been mentioned since I got home.

We're living on just my part time income as he's not fit to work following illness. The money was supposed to see us warm through the winter. He's not a gambler in day to day terms but fancies himself as a bit of a hustler.

Should I torture him with sarcastic digs to eternal hell, have it out once and for all or just drop it?

grumpyoldgitagain Wed 19-Nov-14 20:02:40

Personally I would be having it out once and for all and torturing with sarcastic digs in the process

grumpyoldgitagain Wed 19-Nov-14 20:03:19

But I'm sure someone much more sensible than me will be along with advice soon

WipsGlitter Wed 19-Nov-14 20:08:10

He's gambled away £700 shock

Calloh Wed 19-Nov-14 20:08:47

Has he form for this sort of thing and is he apologetic?

If he is genuinely apologetic and hadn't done it before then I would try to let it go (but my god I'd find it hard).

If he's done it before or doesn't seem remorseful then there would have to be a series of long conversations and probably a separating of finances.

I would try and avoid sarcastic digs as they usually just make the person feel more justified and less contrite.

Jolleigh Wed 19-Nov-14 20:11:43

Have it out with him. Have you let this type of thing drop before???

DoJo Wed 19-Nov-14 20:15:28

I would have it out with him - how dare he spunk away money that the family needs on something that didn't even benefit him and then lie about it right to your face (and only when you asked him, not coming clean immediately)?! That would put me over the line of 'pissed off' and into 'seriously reconsidering relationship' territory. What has he had to say for himself thus far?

pauline6703 Wed 19-Nov-14 20:16:38

If you are sure you have blocked him from gambling again then let it drop and work on being together. I think your relationship is worth more that £700 (I know mine is priceless)

angelohsodelight Wed 19-Nov-14 20:23:45

At least have it out with him.... What a selfish arse.

bodhranbae Wed 19-Nov-14 20:32:13

He pissed away £700.

I'd kill him. Slowly. With Paddington stares.

in2theblues Wed 19-Nov-14 20:32:54

I'm sure I have blocked him from gambling again. He's such an arse though isn't he?

If I say anything he'll deny it. I'm too busy to provoke more squeaking and lies and it wouldn't get us anywhere anyway.

I know how easy it is to be sucked into internet gambling as I once spent £10 of my birthday money on stupid bingo when I was feeling sorry for myself that he was down the pub. All that 'free credit' - what a rip off. You have to win more than 'they' give you before you can even start getting your own stake back - or something like that.

I regret that tenner but it taught me something for sure. These people are so keen to call or chat live - well they would be. I banned myself instantly and that's how I knew how to do it last night.

As for £700 being worth more than a relationship; there isn't one.

It breaks my heart though that my friends and relatives had been so generous with money when he was at death's door. It's like what he's done is negating all that.

I'm sure he thought he'd win a life changing jackpot but that never happens.

I hate gambling.

KnackeredMuchly Wed 19-Nov-14 20:33:47

Have a look on gambling anonymous website - they will have advice on how to 'ban' yourself from casinos and online gambling websites (if you put in a request to be barred, they have to do it)

It will have a list of who to contact and what to say.

AllOutOfNaiceHam Wed 19-Nov-14 20:39:19

You are way calmer about this than I would be.

Leeds2 Wed 19-Nov-14 20:42:43

I would be beyond livid. No real advice though. other than to wonder about the relationship if he refuses to apologise/discuss the matter.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Wed 19-Nov-14 20:45:25

Id be asking him what he plans to sell to recoup.some of that money - does he have any personal luxuries (golf equipment, ipad, xbox)?

ceeveebee Wed 19-Nov-14 20:50:33

I'm not sure you can self-exclude from all online operators at once, each operator has its own list of self-exclusions and they don't share that with each other (unless you are not in UK as some countries do have a central list)

ThreeQuartersEmpty Wed 19-Nov-14 20:55:16

He hasn't even apologised?
And you're too busy to express how you feel about it?

That's not going to happen again then is it? All sorted.

in2theblues Wed 19-Nov-14 20:58:46

Thank you for making me laugh re: 'golf equipment' - alas no. He's a rock star, a high roller, an entitled little Italian boy who is currently queuing up biscuits to stuff into his mouth.

This man has never matured beyond 7yo. I blame his mother, who, if you chucked her into a lake would bob about like a ping pong ball.

in2theblues Wed 19-Nov-14 21:21:15

I have to let it drop tonight - up at 5:30.

I will have such revenge,
That all the world shall--I will do such things,--
What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be
The terrors of the earth.

I.E. very grumpy.

ThreeQuartersEmpty Wed 19-Nov-14 23:50:32

Nah, you're not that bothered. Not a big deal.

Hatespiders Thu 20-Nov-14 08:58:17

Good grief, that's a whole winter's worth of oil for us, and one car's Road Tax too. Blimey! I think I'd explode and then commit murder. No, I couldn't let this pass, I'd have to have a huge go at him. But seriously, I think I'd be re-evaluating the relationship. The way you describe him he sounds like a liability. Sorry.

Nanny0gg Thu 20-Nov-14 09:07:58

How long have you been together? It's a bit late to be blaming his mother...

Phalenopsis Thu 20-Nov-14 09:10:35

I'd hit the roof and would not let it drop. You sound far more laid back than I am OP.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 20-Nov-14 09:11:51

I wouldn't play games and make digs. but I couldn't live with someone who could gamble away money like that. You don't loose 700 pounds that quickly and not have a problem. and that problem isn't solved by blocking accounts. your extremely mistaken if you think. That's going to.stop him.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 20-Nov-14 09:13:47

It's not about the money. It's the lies can you live with those.

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