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AIBU about unsolicited bump touching

(75 Posts)
Discopanda Wed 19-Nov-14 12:59:50

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and just getting to the stage where I have an obvious bump, not just looking overweight. The other weekend, I was wearing a baggy jumper and MIL reached out and tried to feel for a bump without even asking! I'm worried that as I get bigger I'm going to have more and more people touching me like I'm public property without even a 'How do you do'. I don't like unnecessary touching as it is and I feel very self-conscious about being bigger, especially because people were just plain bloody rude about my size last time round. WIBU to ask people to please refrain from touching my bump? I'm concerned I might accidentally start slapping hands.

Lookslikeimstuckhere Wed 19-Nov-14 13:03:16

Hated it too! So tempted to reach back and rub their tummy grin

LouMum14 Wed 19-Nov-14 13:04:00

YANBU. Slap hands if necessary. It'll learn them! I don't mind MIL having a 'grope' but I love mine to bits and very close with her, but anyone outside of immediate family or extremely close friends can go fuck em selves!

QueenofKelsingra Wed 19-Nov-14 13:04:47

I had a t-shirt printed up with 'hands off the bump' on it, wore it every time I was around people I thought might think its ok to touch. worked well (that or I was giving very good 'fuck off don't touch me' vibes!)

also keeping your arms crossed over your bump helps - less surface area available for touching!

KnackeredMuchly Wed 19-Nov-14 13:04:54

Just slap hands! You can't tell people whi have no intention of rubbing it not to.

If someone dives in uninvited yanbu to slap them off.

There's a really good comedy YouTube video somewhere

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 19-Nov-14 13:05:33

I'm a hand Slapper when it is other adults trying to touch me without my consent

Discopanda Wed 19-Nov-14 13:06:24

I suppose at least they don't grab my giant preggy boobs!

foolonthehill Wed 19-Nov-14 13:07:15

Lordy i hated this....was very tempted to say to the TOTAL STRANGERS who felt me up that "no I'm not pregnant...I have a huge abdominal tumour...just to see the reaction! Never had the guts though.

My friend got a tshirt printed with "Hands off the bump"......I can't remember whether it worked!

DoJo Wed 19-Nov-14 13:25:57

I did tell one person, mid-grope, that I wasn't pregnant. Her face was a picture, but I did feel a bit bad for a couple of seconds so came clean and she did apologise to her credit!

Mulligrubs Wed 19-Nov-14 13:31:22

Slap hands away! If they are shocked or annoyed tell them "oops, reflex reaction." Most people will be embarrassed though and apologise. I hated it too OP! If people asked me I was more than happy to let them touch my bump but it pissed me off that they'd just do it.

avocadotoast Wed 19-Nov-14 13:39:57

Either tell them to fuck off or creep them out by resting your hand on their stomach. And then when they look confused act like you thought it was a thing you were both doing grin

Or just punch them in the face/arm/whatever you can reach.

(That's at least my plan for when I get bigger.)

In all seriousness though, there is nothing at all wrong with a frosty look and a "please do not do that" (to strangers/acquaintances at least). With your MIL, maybe be a little bit more peaceable about it (she's in the wrong, but for the sake of keeping the peace, might be worth it).

EmilyGilmore Wed 19-Nov-14 13:42:15

We'll you won't be pregnant for long so I shouldn't worry about it. I never once had anyone do this so perhaps you've been unlucky. It happens a lot to Mumsnetters. I guess people are happy for you. Let it go, you're not really being violated in the grand scheme of things.

ZingOfSeven Wed 19-Nov-14 13:49:51

say "Oops that was my boob!"

that will teach them!wink grin

StillSquirrelling Wed 19-Nov-14 14:04:55

I absolutely hated this. Had it from friends/family/work colleagues/total strangers throughout all three pregnancies. I probably wouldn't have minded so much but I have a real thing about my belly button. I won't even go anywhere near it myself, let alone let anyone else go within about 5 inches of it - it made having pregnancy scans a real nightmare as I was leaping about the place every time the scanner went near/over it!

MIL was the worst - the first thing she'd do when she saw me was to have a good grope and rub. By about 20 weeks into my first pregnancy I had to just tell her not to do it, and why. She did stop doing it but wasn't very gracious about it.

When total strangers did it, I would slap their hands away and tell them that I didn't like people touching me, especially people I didn't know. The old ladies were the worst and would often exclaim, "but you're pregnant!"

hmm

mumonashoestring Wed 19-Nov-14 14:12:11

By all means give 'em a slap - they wouldn't expect to be able to grope relative strangers usually so why should being pregnant make a difference?

I made an ecxeption for anyone I would usually accept a hug from, but made it very clear to everyone else (casual acquaintances, work colleagues) that I would take anyone squeezing me to see if I was ripe yet to be their way of giving me carte blanche to grab any part of their anatomy and squeeze it as hard as I liked for as long as I liked.

britnay Wed 19-Nov-14 14:13:24

I hate this! I work in a pharmacy and on the rare occasions that I venture out from behind the counter to help customers find things, I get random strangers fondling my bump. Its difficult to find a polite way to tell customers not to do that! Especially as its often old ladies who seem to assume that it is their right to do so.

dawntigga Wed 19-Nov-14 14:16:53

I use to say:

Do I look like Buddha? Trust me, rubbing my stomach will not bring you good luck!

or

Would you have done that when I was just fat?

They tended not to do it twice.

BloodyAskFirstTiggaxx

DayLillie Wed 19-Nov-14 14:17:05

I never had anyone do this, thank goodness - I was really sore. It is a weird thing to do. I would never grope anyone, pregnant or not.

MissBlennerhasset Wed 19-Nov-14 14:17:16

"you're not being violated"

hmm

So we should just put up with it because technically, it's not abuse. OK then.

We teach our children that their bodies are their own, and that no one touches them without permission. Does this go out the window when we're pregnant or something?

fatlazymummy Wed 19-Nov-14 14:19:24

I've been pregnant 3 times, and I can't remember anyone doing this to me. Either I had a permanent 'don't you fucking dare' expression on my face or it's a relatively new thing.
I suppose I would have tolerated it from people I knew ,but strangers would have got very short shrift ,that's for sure.

Siarie Wed 19-Nov-14 14:25:02

I'm waiting for this to start, MIL randomly touches my stomach and has done so since I was 5 weeks or so. I don't like it at all but I put up with it. I don't think I'll be so welcome to random strangers!

Aeroflotgirl Wed 19-Nov-14 14:25:09

It is very rude, I would feel really uncomfortable. I don't know if I would be able to say something.

Bulbasaur Wed 19-Nov-14 15:07:16

I didn't mind family touching my bump (I think most asked), and to be honest strangers never tried.

People don't really try to touch DD either outside a head pat or cheek stroke. She does get lots and lots of baby talk from strangers though.

So you might be worrying about something that is relatively rare to happen in day to day life.

ZingOfSeven Wed 19-Nov-14 16:04:18

still not as bad as an acquaintance I haven't seen for a while stepping close to say hello and placing her hand on my belly saying "oh what a lovely bump, when is this one due?" and I have to reply "umm, I'm not pregnant right now"

shock grin

Ericaequites Wed 19-Nov-14 16:10:32

My step niece in NYC had an easy answer. "Would I let you hold my baby? If not, don't touch my bump." I've only touched close relatives' bumps by invitation, and have never been pregnant.
On the other hand, my mother says my father refused to touch her tummy when my siblings and I were expected. He was afraid "to break the baby", whilst Mumonly wanted him to feel us coming to life/ turning somersaults on her bladder.

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