To fix DS's teeth in spite of DP's objections ...

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Just back from the dentist with DS2 and it's crunch time, so to speak ...

DS is 13 and has an inherited wossname that means his front teeth are squwiff. DP's teeth are exactly the same. The dentist has been chuntering gently about straightening them up for ages but now all DS's milk teeth have bailed out it's time to get down to business. This means a permenant brace for 18 months or so. Trouble is, DP is dead against the idea. He says his crooked teeth are part of who he is and the same goes for DS. I think he's being a bit ridiculous - if DS has the work done now it's totally free and has a much better chance of sucess than if he waits and has it done as an adult.

DS doesn't know what he wants to do but I think it's DP's opposition that's making him hesitate ...

What would you lot suggest? I don't want to steamroller DS into a year and a half of brace-wearing if he really wants to keep his asymetric gnashers but I don't want him to be tearing his hair at 19 wishing he'd got them fixed when he had the chance!

[BarbarianMum]

We have a similar situation (me pro braces, dh much less so). In this sort of scenario I really think it should be your ds' decision - you can both give your point of view then tell him whatever he decides is right for him is fine.

[QweenCnut]

My DD was adamant she didn't want braces - she has one upper tooth that's slightly crooked, and a few lower teeth that are very crowded and crooked.

At the time she said her teeth gave her "character". She's nearly 20 now and hasn't changed her mind

[Sn00p4d]

He's 13? Ask him. He's old enough to make his own decision.

[HedgehogsDontBite]

For me the deciding factor would be 'why?'. If it's purely cosmetic and DS isn't bothered then I wouldn't do it. If it was for clinical reasons (including mental health) then I would.

[scarletforya]

Of course he should get them straightened. It's quite selfish and egotistical of your DP to try to prevent him getting them corrected just because he didn't do his.

Free braces! I'm in Ireland and you don't want to know how much treatment like this is worth. Thousands. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth (sorry for pun). Get the work done and tell your DP to stop being such a begrudging git!

[NorwegianBirdhouse]

YANBU Your partner has a good attitude for himself in that it's nice he is not self conscious but by the time your DS reaches adulthood lots of ‘imperfections’ will be a thing of the past as so much is being cosmetically altered these days. Now-a-days braces seem to be popular among young people. I had them for years in the 80’s and felt ugly as I was practically the only one in my school with them. My teeth were never properly fixed till I paid a cosmetic dentist at 32 years old (had short roots on some teeth so they wouldn’t stay straight). I paid because my crooked teeth took away so much self confidence. It was the best money I ever spent. Encourage your DS to do it.

[Mama1980]

I was adamant I didn't want my crooked front teeth straightened as a teenager, my mum let me have my way and I have never regretted it. As my late nan would say: it's our imperfections that make us beautiful.
I do think at 13 it's your ds s decision both state your case and then it s up to him.

My decision had no health implications by the way it is a purely cosmetic issue.

[ImAlpharius]

DH's mum didn't push him to get his teeth straightened as a child, he regretted it deeply and got them done as an adult, it was much longer and financially costly. Your dp is being VU.

[Catsarebastards]

I refused braces as a teen. My sister tool them. Her teeth are beautiful now i really regret not having them.

[Eve]

both my DS have had their teeth done, 1 I had to pay for the other NHS.

My argument was that as teeth fixing is so common now and so many kids have it done, in 20 years time, crooked teeth will stand out much more than now.

Even now when I see someone on TV I notice the bad teeth.

[angelos02]

YANBU
Loads of kids have braces nowadays. I had them and would be mortified if my parents hadn't encouraged me to get them fixed when I was young.

[MakkaPakkastolemystone]

I would. It isn't just cosmetic, in can impact good dental hygiene if it is difficult to clean them and filing front teeth can be tricky.

[Starlightbright1]

I would ask DS at 13

[BarbarianMum]

No it's not. It a personal opinion that conventional beauty isn't everything. If the ds had inherited a large nose from his father and mum was recommending plastic surgery would you object to his father suggesting that it wasn't necessary?

Personally I favor braces. But its an opinion with no moral force behind it. People with straigt teeth aren't better people.

[TheCraicDealer]

YANBU. If they’re bad enough that the dentist is offering a brace I’d take them up on it. I know very few people under thirty who have squiffy teeth because NHS dental provision was so good for our age group. I wouldn’t want him regretting the decision as he gets older when getting a brace to rectify the issue becomes much more of a big deal and a considerable expense. The only person I know with really dodgy teeth is my friend whose Mum let him make the decision over not getting a brace.

I’m looking at getting a brace on my bottom teeth; over the past few years (I’m 26) my front bottom ones have become more and more crowded. The dentist was telling me this is quite common as often your teeth shunt forwards as you age. Fantastic. So potentially when he’s my age it could be even more obvious than the crookedness he has now.

[CMP69]

I have shit teeth (am 45) and have had since a child. My childhood dentist was a horrible man, but did refer me to a lovely orthodontist, who removed a few teeth to help with the over crowding and wanted full "train track" braces at 14-15. My very vain mother declined this treatment on my behalf, saying I would be bullied and would never have a boyfriend!!!!
I would kill for lovely straight teeth, but am really dental phobic. If ds has rubbish teeth when his adult teeth come in (he is 6.4 has has no "wobblers" - his word) I will do everything in my power to sort them for him. I would do it if he will let you

[lunar1]

I'd get them while there free, I never regretted mine even when I'd been for it tightening and it hurt like hell. If he wants them that is.

[BlueGreenHazelGreen]

One point to consider, these days the vast majority of children will have any squint teeth fixed so by the time your DS is an adult he is likely to be really unusual (and hence noticeable) in having squint teeth.

I would say that it's your DS's choice and that it is quite selfish for your DH to try to influence this decision negatively.

Like it or not, we are judged by our appearance and presentation.

It's also worth pointing out to DS that if he doesn't get them fixed as a child it is unlikely that he is going to be able to afford to pay for it as an adult.

[Massiveaggressive]

Dd has recently had fixed train track braces due to crowded teeth.
DH was very anti - he has very strong but very wonky teeth, but the ortho did say it was medically necessary (hence they are free)

DD was adamant she didn't want them, and if it had been purely cosmetic I wouldn't have insisted.
She's 12 and in the past month 3 other children in her form at school have had them, she's had no teasing (which as a child of the 70's I remember and possibly what DH feared) and other than very careful brushing they've caused no impact at all.

[pluCaChange]

It's not just cosmetic, though. It's harder to clean uneven and crowded teeth.

[confused79]

I think you should do it. If he grows up and that becomes one of his insecurities then how are you going to feel? I wasn't taken to the dentist until I was 10 when I started getting toothache on both sides. turned out I needed 2 fillings and 2 teeth removed due to bad oral health. If they'd been seen to earlier then maybe they could've been saved, and hate to admit it but I do resent my parents because of it. I also needed braces, but after I had the work done I didn't want to go again until I was 18 (my parents should've made me go). So now I'm left with a big gap and crooked teeth all because my parents couldn't be bothered to take me sooner.

[squoosh]

No brainer. Get them fixed while it's free.

Nice teeth are becoming valued here the in the same way they are in America.

[BreconBeBuggered]

My teeth are healthy but crooked. I had a removable brace when I was young, but it was taken away after a ridiculously short space of time once the worst offenders had been uncrossed, and I wish every day that I'd had them for longer, as I feel very selfconscious even now. I don't recall being given a choice about it, but I was younger than your DS and not really capable of making an informed decision.

Even if your DS decides he likes the wonky-gnashers look, they can be a bugger to clean properly.

[Castlemilk]

It ISN'T just cosmetic - as others have said, squiff teeth are harder to clean, and thus much more prone to decay. If it's front teeth, they're also harder to fill. It would undoubtedly be better for his teeth if they were straightened. Cosmetically, it's 50-50, as you've seen on this thread! - he may really regret not getting them straightened out when it would have been free, and easier - he may not care. One thing that is concerning is that he's hesitating because of your DP - sounds like your DP is more huffy about it because of the implied judgement on him/his parents in choosing NOT to get them fixed. That's wrong and will rebound on your DP if your DS might secretly prefer them fixed but at the moment fears upsetting his dad.

[Chandon]

My DS1 (12) has a really big gap between his front teeth, DH has too.

DS1 does not want this "fixed" as he says it does not boteh rhim, even if some kids tell him he has rabbit teeth. He seems philosophical about it and says everyone gets teased for something, like being small or thin or fat, or teeth, and it does not seem to bother him.

DH has always and the big gap too, and it never bothered him or detracted from his good looks

In our case, don't think it could be done on NHS anyway, as just cosmetic? In your case, as dentist recommends it, I might do it, and obviously it's a bit more serious than my DS's gap.

I'd ask the dentist: if this was your son what would you do.