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To ask MIL not to send a letter from Santa this year, because I want to do all the Santa things?

(130 Posts)
Selfishsanta Wed 19-Nov-14 10:33:53

Last year MIL sent DS a letter from Santa, one of those ones off the internet where you fill in the kid's name and what they want for Christmas and then they get a letter in the post. He had only just turned 2 so didn't have a clue about Christmas really, but he knew it was something exciting to get a letter in the post. She also did one for his cousin, who is a year older, and she understood and enjoyed it. It was a lovely thought and she is an adoring granny who is equally adored by her grandchildren. This is now the first Christmas where DS understands it all and he is already excited by all the Christmas stuff in shops.

I expect she'll want to do it again this year. However, I don't want her to, because I want all the Santa stuff all to myself! (By myself, I mean me and DH, but he's not that bothered with the practicalities and is happy to leave it to me). To me, Santa coming is such a fabulous and shortlived aspect of childhood and is a treat for me for being the person who goes in in the night all the rest of the year round.

I want to say to her, Do you mind if I do the Santa letter thing this year?

I know it's selfish, but is it unreasonable?

MissHJ Wed 19-Nov-14 10:37:42

I do think it is a little selfish sorry! You get everything with your son, a visit to Santa, talking about christmas, all the christmas activities, seeing him with his presents etc. All of it, so I feel a little sorry for Granny who is being denied the chance to do one little thing for her grandchild. You will be the one seeing him open it so I think it's really nice she does it for her grandchildren.

Could you not write it with her so she is involved?

Ilovehamabeads Wed 19-Nov-14 10:40:52

I don't think yabu as it's your child so your call, but there's so many Santa things you can do, and if you have a lovely MIL who also wants to join in, them why not delegate that one thing to her. You also have the Santa grotto visit, writing and sending a letter TO Santa, and the whole Christmas Eve ritual- mince pies, carrots, glitter on the lawn, magic keys etc etc. there's loads you could do and still let MIL in on the fun.

WooWooOwl Wed 19-Nov-14 10:41:02

I'd be wary of putting off a loving and involved grandparent who just wants to share in the joy of their grandchilds first Christmas. You will get to be the one that collects the post from your doorstep and open the letter with your child, the actual organising of the letter is something your child won't even know about. So because of that, I think it would be a bit mean to take it away from her tbh.

ImAlpharius Wed 19-Nov-14 10:44:38

I would let her do the letter and you could do a portable noth pole thing for him.

mummymeister Wed 19-Nov-14 10:44:59

wow - you really think its worth upsetting a lovely grandparent like this so that you can "do it all yourself". I assume she is the sort of granny who helps out with child care, always remembers to buy presents (rather than giving you the money and making you buy them) calls to speak to the childrenregularly etc. lets just hope she doesn't decide that you should do this all yourself as well. really with so many threads on here about truly vile adults/grandparents we would all fall over backwards to have one like this.

LoonvanBoon Wed 19-Nov-14 10:45:57

You will get to be the one that collects the post from your doorstep and open the letter with your child, the actual organising of the letter is something your child won't even know about.

Exactly! Your MIL is putting in a bit of effort here to give her GC a lovely surprise, when she's not even the one who will share it with him / see his face when he opens the letter. She's not taking away an experience from you, she's providing you with one.

Obviously you could speak to her to ensure she has the right details about what your son wants from Father Christmas etc. etc., but to ask her not to do it just seems so unnecessarily mean.

WorkingBling Wed 19-Nov-14 10:46:04

Yabu. Christmas is such a wonderful time for the whole
Family and there's enough going on that surely grandmother can do some
Of it without taking away from your activities.

I think you are being selfish, not just to mil but to your dc who will happily lap up any and all Christmas fun with all members of the family

skylark2 Wed 19-Nov-14 10:47:22

Does it matter who fills in the form on the internet and clicks "send"?

Maybe you and she could do it together. But I think it's rather mean to try to take away something nice that she had the idea of doing for her grandchild because you'd rather do it yourself.

Purplepixiedust Wed 19-Nov-14 10:48:36

Sorry but I think you are being a bit unreasonable. She sounds like a lovely granny and there are so many other aspects to Santa that you can do. I think it would be mean to ask her not to do it.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 19-Nov-14 10:50:23

Yes op yabu.

fluffyraggies Wed 19-Nov-14 10:51:44

I usually come down on the side of the parent in these sort of threads. Nine times out of ten i feel the GP is being a bit OOT; wanting to do a stocking, having to have santa come to theirs etc.

However, in this instance, the letter will come to you, for you and your son to enjoy together well after GP has had the fun of writing it. By it's very nature GP will not take any 'credit' as it's a secret thing. So very selfless of her actually.

fluffyraggies Wed 19-Nov-14 10:52:52

OOT? lol OTT

SaucyJack Wed 19-Nov-14 10:52:57

Ignore all the previous posters. They are either all mad or over-involved GPs.

YANBU at all. A handy little phrase I've picked up from MN for these situations is that she's had her turn at being mum.

ApocalypseThen Wed 19-Nov-14 10:54:08

Will you also need the grandmother not to send one to her granddaughter again so she won't be favouring one child over another?

Calloh Wed 19-Nov-14 10:55:36

I do totally understand.

My in-laws also like to own the Santa thing - one of the years we stayed at my in-laws' for Christmas they woke the children up and tried to get them to take the stockings from the fireplace (it was in the dining room, where we were sleeping on the floor) without waking us so that the children would open the stockings with them and not us. When that didn't work they told us to go back to sleep. We said no. Sorry, I didn't write that well and it's not really relevant, but I do understand feeling protective.

But on this one I would let your MiL do it, you can do all the rest of the magic and you won't miss this. You can always ring and ask if she is doing it do you feel a bit more involved?

skylark2 Wed 19-Nov-14 10:57:50

Neither mad nor a GP, thanks SaucyJack.

Here's an example. My kids have always made Christmas biscuits with my MIL when they go over before Christmas. How about if I tell her she's not to do that with them any more because I want to be the one to do all Christmas activities with them?

I'm not going to do that, because I'm not a selfish cow. You?

SavoyCabbage Wed 19-Nov-14 10:58:19

There are so many other things that you can do.

Xenadog Wed 19-Nov-14 11:00:17

You might be being selfish but you're allowed to be. They are your children and if it means this much to you then say to MiL you want to do the letter. As a pp said she has had her turn with her children.

Selfishsanta Wed 19-Nov-14 11:00:45

Should probably say, as it's obviously clouding my judgement, that whilst my kids have a lovely granny, she's not always lovely to me. She'd do anything for her kids and grandkids, but I often feel like just some woman in the way.

It's not like she doesn't get to do anything else festive with them. PIL are coming to stay with us for Xmas again and I've asked them along for when we do Santa's grotto.

Selfishsanta Wed 19-Nov-14 11:02:01

Skylark, I'm not saying no Christmassy stuff, the biscuits sound lovely. I'm specifically talking about being Santa.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 19-Nov-14 11:02:02

SaucyJack don't be ridiculous. Are grandparents not allowed to do anything nice for their grandchildren? Perhaps they should just ignore them until some childcare is needed?


BitOutOfPractice Wed 19-Nov-14 11:02:13

This is the second thread I've been on today where SaucyJack has added a rather abrasive post.

I'm neither mad (well no more than the next person) nor a GP thanks. I just think this man is doing no harm at all and there are 100 other things the op can do

DixieNormas Wed 19-Nov-14 11:03:24

I don't see the big deal, hes not going to know who organised the letter

TranmereRover Wed 19-Nov-14 11:03:32

yes, that's the thing- you'll get one answer from those with delightful MILs who are involved and know their GC well, and another from those who have an interfering old boot who may be unable to tell you their favourite book or food or frankly, current hair colour.... (can you guess which one I've got? who sends the religious advent calendars with a pithy bible quote behind each window - NOT EVEN A PICTURE!)

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