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To wonder if all this utter bollocks is simply part of the Proper Job market these days

(123 Posts)
SolidGoldBrass Wed 19-Nov-14 09:45:41

I have a new job. I don't like it very much, but the money's good and I desperately need it.
A part of the job involves going on training courses - which is fair enough. I'm working in an unfamiliar area and I have lots to learn: no problem with that.

But the language in the training materials makes me feel ill. It's not a fucking 'personal development journey'; I don't need to be 'reflective and mindful' - I need to learn how to do the job, do it competently and get paid. It's admin work, not psychiatry or woo-peddling.

Maybe I am just too old, but back in the days when I had more regular work (ie 9-5 in offices) I never had this sort of rubbish to deal with. I just did what I was asked to do, and if I didn't know how to do something I asked whoever was nearby and had been there longer than me. I have, admittedly, spent the past 15 years or so working freelance, or pretty much so, and nearly all those jobs have been about going and doing something and then sending an invoice. Is it always going to be like this if I ever want a well-paid job again?

tywysogesgymraeg Wed 19-Nov-14 09:50:44

YABU - EVERYTHING is a "journey" these days. hmm.

Seriously, I agree with you. There is so much bollocks talked in work and just about everywhere else these days. Just go along with it. I've tried the common sense approach, but it doesn't go down well with "the leadership team" (formerly known as managers).

Andrewofgg Wed 19-Nov-14 09:51:32

Yes it is. It's a language similar to English, mostly the same words and grammar, but it's not English, it's Bollocks. Get a copy of Teach Yourself Bollocks and get fluent in it; you will need it.

Good luck!

Andrewofgg Wed 19-Nov-14 09:52:50

X-posted with the long Welsh name which I will never get right on my phone!

Catsarebastards Wed 19-Nov-14 09:54:02

grin andrew!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Wed 19-Nov-14 09:55:20

Yes.
Think yourself lucky you're not in middle management or you'd have to not only listen to this and passively regurgitate it, you'd have to make it up and force people to talk it while keeping a straight face!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Wed 19-Nov-14 09:56:37

At least you're good at language, though. You won't ever get caught out by getting it wrong.
Also, it could inspire you to write the world's first Management Speak Erotica.

Gileswithachainsaw Wed 19-Nov-14 09:56:53

Yanbu.

It's complete and utter bollocks. my job is shit. and the crap they come out with with regards to "improving the customer experience" (a vomit inducing phrase in itself) is unbelievable.

call a spade a spade fgs. don't paint a turd using flowery language.

CorporateRockWhore Wed 19-Nov-14 09:59:36

God, I thought you must work for me company but then you said it was well-paid...

tywysogesgymraeg Wed 19-Nov-14 09:59:37

Where I am, we have "customer journeys" sad.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 19-Nov-14 10:03:36

Even amongst the therapeutic community there's a backlash against this shite - at a recent peer group meeting we decided to ban the word 'journey' from all our training materials and language as far as possible grin

I farkin hate that word and I don't think I've ever used it seriously

TheAlias Wed 19-Nov-14 10:04:53

When I worked for one of the large banks we used to pass the time in these kind of meetings by playing buzz word bingo.

The best Director I ever worked for knew we were doing it and went out of his way to make sure his language became more and more ridiculous grin

Andrewofgg Wed 19-Nov-14 10:05:56

^The therapeutic community* is GCSE Bollocks.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 19-Nov-14 10:07:07

I don't have a Gcse in Bollocks Andrew, is it interesting hmm?

windchime Wed 19-Nov-14 10:08:34

Come and work for the NHS. None of that 'journey' bollocks here. No time for that. You learn it and get on with the job. But on the minus side, the money is shite smile

TheAlias Wed 19-Nov-14 10:08:56

LOL Laurie, your post scored at least 3 points in buzz word bingo.

Ultimately this kind of thing means the whole meaning of words changes. A long time ago, someone in the bank decreed that we weren't allowed to use the word "problem", it had to be challenge. It wasn't long before declaring you were facing a challenge was deemed to be incredibly negative (which was a very bad thing indeed)

Andrewofgg Wed 19-Nov-14 10:12:41

Laurie Not interesting. It's stimulating.!

LurkingHusband Wed 19-Nov-14 10:14:50

Episode One: Equal Opportunities

[How to deal with a nonsensical complaint]
Bernard: We can CGSM it.
Hacker: CGSM?
Bernard: Civil Service code, Minister. It stands for "Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Manufacturers".
Hacker: What?
Bernard: A load of old cobblers, Minister.
Hacker: I'm not a civil servant. I shall use my own code. I shall write: "Round Objects".
[...later...]
Bernard: You remember that letter you wrote "Round Objects" on?
Hacker: Oh yes.
Bernard: It's come back from Sir Humphrey's office. He's commented on it.
Hacker: What does he say?
Bernard: Who is Round and to what does he object?

Andrewofgg Wed 19-Nov-14 10:19:08

LH That one was told about Winston Churchill. Pray who is Round and why does he object?

Chunderella Wed 19-Nov-14 10:20:49

Management Speak Erotica for the win. You write it solid, I'll buy a copy for everyone I know for Christmas.

And in answer to the question, yanbu and unfortunately yes this sort of thing is increasingly prevalent.

Seriouslyffs Wed 19-Nov-14 10:22:07

The thing is SGB you can use it to your advantage! If you fuck up you can be 'reflective and mindful' then your manager can use the experience as an example of how she fosters reflective practice and forgive you.
grin

ghostyslovesheep Wed 19-Nov-14 10:23:05

Just play lingo bingo

FriendlyLadybird Wed 19-Nov-14 10:24:47

It's not in any organisation on which I have had an influence. It is my mission to rid companies of all such bollocks. But I can only do so much ...

iseenodust Wed 19-Nov-14 10:26:40

It is not only b*llocks, it is unhelpful b*llocks. Such language often makes people feel they don't understand & cannot contribute fully. Someone wrote quite a good book on how professions use jargon to make them 'special/exclusive', as opposed to brilliant to work alongside.

If you work with the public the best mindset is still 'would I like my parents talked to/treated in this way?'.

Sidge Wed 19-Nov-14 10:30:22

Oh I dunno windchime - I have seen a creeping bollockisation of the NHS.

They started with all that 'reflective practice' and then 'overarching policy', 'patient journeys' and 'clinical governance'.

Loada shite. Used to be called 'nursing' when I started out...

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