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to not want his mother to mediate?

(13 Posts)
januaryblues11 Tue 18-Nov-14 20:15:47

ex h and I split up a year ago. Both with new partners. I actually met mine before I left. Ex h and I had been unhappy for years and when I met my current dp there was a connection and I ended my marriage so that I could be with him. Ex h and I have one ds who is 4 and spends 4 days a week with ex and 3 with me. This is due to his school.

Problem is that ex is still so bitter. He doesn't communicate with me at all except via text which makes co parenting with him very hard and I worry about the effect it has on our ds.

I have asked him many times to talk to me, to work out how we are going to co parent for the rest of our lives with this much bad feeling between us. The most recent development was that he agreed to meet me.. as long as he could bring his mum!!

his mum is very opinionated and rude and caused problems in our marriage and I do not want her mediating so I have refused this.

I hope it was the right thing to do. money is tight and I can't afford professional mediation. I suggested a mutual friend instead but he refused saying it was his mum or no one.

at my wits end. Will also add that I didn't cheat on my ex. he knew that I wanted to be with someone else but nothing happened until after I moved out.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 18-Nov-14 20:21:03

I think you can't afford not to have professional mediation. Sorry. Failing that, time. No way in the world I would meet him with his mother.

TidyDancer Tue 18-Nov-14 20:24:25

Yanbu to refuse mediation with his mother - very bad idea with even the nicest of MILs.

But it's also not unreasonable of him to not want to talk to you. It's arguable whether you cheated (emotional affair?) so maybe it's best for now. Could you compromise with emails?

addictedtobass Tue 18-Nov-14 20:30:44

YANBU. Would his mum try and bully you?

januaryblues11 Tue 18-Nov-14 20:32:52

she would not let me get my opinion across I know that! she's also ill. she has cancer. I don't know why he would be so keen to involve her when it has nothing to do with her and she should be focusing on her health.

fishfingerSarnies Tue 18-Nov-14 20:32:55

If he has to bring his mum can you bring yours or someone else similar?

januaryblues11 Tue 18-Nov-14 20:36:41

he told me I could bring my mum. The thing is I don't want to. I am 31 and he is 29 and we were married 7 years. I wanted to sort this out without involving mums really

Summerisle1 Tue 18-Nov-14 20:37:30

The whole point of mediation is that it is carried out in the presence of someone who hasn't got any emotional connection to you. Otherwise it isn't mediation but instead, an unpleasant, baggage-laden argument.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 18-Nov-14 20:40:32

Just treat this silly man like a naughty toddler and and ignore his tantrums and sulks. Leave him to get over himself and stick to factual texts for communication. If your DS asks, just say that Daddy is cross at the moment and will cheer up soon.

WooWooOwl Tue 18-Nov-14 20:41:34

Does he actually want his mum to mediate, or just be present at the meeting for moral support?

NickiFury Tue 18-Nov-14 20:46:26

I think as long as he's not being overtly hostile or aggressive to you he can communicate with you anyway that he likes and if that's by text only then you're just going to have to lump it. You ended the relationship and he's obviously hurt but you're going to have to let him get over it in his own time. I think it's a bit controlling to force him to communicate in a way YOU feel comfortable with. Every day there's threads on here where wronged woman are advised to get a cheap PAYG just for the ex H calls and texts and only switch on once a day. What's different about this?

Discopanda Tue 18-Nov-14 20:57:19

YANBU, the whole point of mediation is that you use third party who can be objective about the situation and doesn't have a preference to either person. I think you might end up feeling ganged up on. Do you have a mutual friend who could help?

BoneyBackJefferson Tue 18-Nov-14 20:59:34

Gonna agree with Nicki suck it up and deal with it, if he wants to deal with you in text form then so be it.

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