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I want, I want, I want

(57 Posts)
NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:33:06

from now on I am not responding to any request which does not include manners

I seem to be treated like a slave in this house expected to respond to every demand.

I want a cookie....no
I want a drink...you can have water (cue crying and whinging) maybe if you want cordial you will remember manners in future
do this
do that
get me this
get me that

I am ignoring all future demands

I am so pissed off with lack of manners in this house

may I hear some of your tips please? I am going out of my mind

plantsitter Tue 18-Nov-14 19:35:53

Stuff like 'I want a...' I say 'that's interesting' to because it doesn't count as a question. They know they should rephrase it.

Otherwise a look and a pause often suffices or saying 'I might do it if you ask me nicely'.

Also always ask them to do stuff nicely (otherwise they throw your own words back at you in a v annoying fashion).

Back2Two Tue 18-Nov-14 19:37:03

Just pull them up on it. Every time. And insist upon a please, Thankyou or "could you please?" Etc.
And remind them that you are not a slave.
Oh...and make sure that you get them to do what they can. For e.g if they're old enough/big enough to reach the tap they get their own water.

And make them wait for things; a realistic, honest wait I mean, rather than dropping what you're doing and responding immediately.

Pippidoeswhatshewants Tue 18-Nov-14 19:37:04

I went through years of not reacting at all or saying "Sorry, what did you say? I didn't quite hear you?" Etc. They did learn eventually.

Summerisle1 Tue 18-Nov-14 19:38:35

I never thought I'd end up repeating my mother's mantras but this one I did:

"I want doesn't get".

I'd then qualify it by reminding the "wanter" that a polite request was always going to be more effective. But for sure, nobody who started any "I want" demands would have them gratified.

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:39:11

plantsitter, thanks for that.

I honestly feel I am always repeating myself. its just not going in!

we have tried 'ask me nicely' 'come back in five minutes when you have remembered your manners'

praise for those who do remember manners 'of course you can have xyz what lovely manners, well done'

I think I am oversensitive right now (another thread) but this losing battle is exhausting

ApocalypseThen Tue 18-Nov-14 19:41:01

The other thing is to make sure you and your partner model manners with each other and the children. It's easy to forget to say please and thank you, but if you're doing it, your children see you doing it and you insist on their doing it, I think it becomes more natural.

You're totally right to insist all the time, by the way. Lack of manners is a very unpleasant trait.

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:41:01

good tips here. thanks.

id it normal to feel the rage at things like this?

I mean manners are important aren't they

DoJo Tue 18-Nov-14 19:41:42

'That's a shame, because if you had asked nicely then I would have got it for you.' I use this and my toddler has worked out that he only gets things he asks nicely for.

Back2Two Tue 18-Nov-14 19:41:46

How old are they OP?

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:43:38

4 children and they are generally all the same in this respect.

dp and I always use manners when talking to each other and dc...

I hate having to pull them up all the time because I constantly feel like a meanie

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:44:20

dc are 3, 4, 5 and 7

plantsitter Tue 18-Nov-14 19:45:11

I think it's normal... DD will sometimes just say the word, like 'drink' - often in a baby voice - which really drives me to distraction. If lack of manners didn't get on your nerves there'd be no point having manners in the first place if you see what I mean.

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:45:31

ok just used 'thats a shame, I would have got it for you had you asked nicely, come back in five minutes and ask properly'

MrsPiggie Tue 18-Nov-14 19:48:02

"I want..."
"That's nice, dear /Good for you "
" but I want... "
" yes, I know, you told me. "
" give me... "
" oh no, maybe if you asked nicely instead of making demands ? "
" please can I have some... "
Bingo! Repeated 20 times a day for as long as it takes. It hasn't sunk in completely yet but we are getting there.

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:48:04

and I said please grin

GoogleyEyes Tue 18-Nov-14 19:48:54

I just give them The Loom now and don't move. They say please pretty quickly.

But I think you have to impose it by stages. I think I started with "How would you ask nicely?" And moved on to "not until you ask me nicely". And now require a pleasant tone of voice as well as the correct words. grin

GoogleyEyes Tue 18-Nov-14 19:49:33

The Look - sodding autocorrect!

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:49:42

no more loom bands please googlet grin

Back2Two Tue 18-Nov-14 19:49:44

OMG. Respect for you then OP.
I feel I'm spouting the same stuff all day but I've only got the two!

This morning Ds2 was eating his apricot and honey porridge. I had delivered it to the table just minutes after he sat down. I was round the corner, making his packed lunch (to his specifications of course, and only making it because he didn't fancy the FREE school dinner today)
"Where's my toast?!" He shouted. It's quite demoralising at times?

DoJo Tue 18-Nov-14 19:51:02

Ha ha Googley - I had visions of you insisting that they complete an authentic poncho or floor mat before asking again!

AlfAlf Tue 18-Nov-14 19:51:18

I pretend not to hear them until they ask nicely.

NamesNick Tue 18-Nov-14 19:51:53

demoralising, that is exactly it

Kitkate78 Tue 18-Nov-14 19:54:02

Another mum phrase used here..

"I want, never gets"

I also found that phrasing my questions differently also helped... "what would you like for breakfast?" rather than "what do you want for breakfast"... Took me some time to break the habit of asking "what do you want to do today/ eat/ play with", so an sure it takes time for the young ones to do the same... Best to lead by example!

YellowTulips Tue 18-Nov-14 19:56:39

My tack was to say "no because you didn't ask politely. You can now wait for 10 mins to think about how you should have asked and then ask again".

The delayed gratification seemed to be a good incentive to get it right first time smile

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