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To not allow ex mil in my house for crossover contact after her comments?

(6 Posts)
exmrs Tue 18-Nov-14 19:20:10

Been split from exh for 3 years, he had another affair and treated son badly by only seeing him when he could fit him around his hobby so it could go 5 weeks with no contact and it was only bare minimum time.
Son was 5 and has special needs so I was getting fed up of him letting him down last minute and planning contact around his hobby.

Things came to ahead and he said he wouldn't see son again as he fed up of arguing and wouldn't agree to set pattern of contact.

He was self employed and constantly changed maintenance and was always late paying.
When asked to contribute to school uniform he said couldn't afford it but then bought a 2 nd car for weekend driving.

Mil knows about all of his affairs, how he has messed me about with money, he he was awkward around our son when he did bother with contact and was clock watching to get away, she has slagged him off for her having to pressure him into putting money into joint present in which we all contributed to a climbing frame, it took 3 months to get money off him.

Then ex said he would like to try again after year of no contact which didn't go well as my son said he was forced to see him by mil despite me making it clear if he wasn't happy ex was to go, she claims she just talked to him.

Ex walked away again as it wasn't the reunion he had hoped for as my son was quite angry with him and ex wouldn't apologise.

Mil was telling son false information to son that dad had been there for him and was a good dad , I want to add I've never said he is bad dad to my son but he was let down that many times he knows the score.
So son comes home upset and angry as mil told a few porkies to get ex back in the good books.

I am fuming as she knows exactly what her son has done and how he fitted contact around a hobby and would not mediate at all , it was his way or he wouldn't see him.

We had a blazing row where I asked her what she was playing at defending her son to my son so he would see him as I said it was my sons decision and she back tracked anything she had ever said saying he was a good dad, I'm lucky that I get money from him and we are better off than her on benefits and she proceeded to list all the new things I had bought off his money in my house and that her son is working hard to pay maintenance and has no money ( despite him doing hobby every weekend which is expensive )

Basically she has been keeping tabs on what I've spent in my house and gone running to ex so he never pays more than he should all the while slagging ex off but back tracking when he makes a appearance to try and be a dad.

My son still goes to hers every 3 weeks as he has do ne since he wAs little but I don't want her in my house looking around passing info about my new Hoover to ex.

She also told me I was to stay away from the rest of the family if I changed my sons surname to mine as ex agreed for me to change as it meant a lot yo her , this is despite her having to change exh surname twice back to the family name as she was married so she is a hypocrite as she has changed exh name twice but I'm not allowed to change family name that means a lot to her !

Anyway would people be able to forgive her knowing she has been passing info to ex and then telling son false information about how his dad had been there for him and basically saying I'm rolling in it from ex money

TeaForTara Tue 18-Nov-14 19:29:39

Firstly, if I were you, I would ask MNHQ to move this to Relationships, as you are likely to get more support there than in AIBU.

Secondly - no, YANBU. You would be within your rights to stop ex-MIL from seeing your DC if you want. She is lying to him, confusing him, forcing him to see his father when he doesn't want to... it would probably be best to cut her out of his life completely. Think what your son is learning from all this - it's not good for him.

If you don't want to do that, then not letting her in your house and doing handovers on the doorstep (or at hers) is a perfectly reasonable compromise and more than she deserves. She has pretended to be friendly to you when all the time she has been spying on you and passing information to your ex. She has betrayed your trust and should not have the opportunity to do so again. Remember that blood is thicker than water, and she played a part in making her son the way he is.

N.B. If you do instigate handovers at the door, be aware that she might start to be "desperate for the loo" or "your DS wants to show me his new such-and-such in his bedroom" or similar tricks to gain access. Try to anticipate and think how you will deal with them.

Iggi999 Tue 18-Nov-14 19:30:25

I don't think you need to forgive her at all. In time you might, but I wouldn't want someone commenting on how I spent my money in my own flat!
I can see why she might want to facilitate a meeting with her son and grandson. Her ds must be a disappointment to her.
Will your ds want to continue contact, I would focus more on the benefits of his relationship with his gran and pull back from your own.

Sn00p4d Tue 18-Nov-14 19:32:18

She's a poisonous cow. Cut her out, she's not a good person to have around ds anyway
Look after yourself and your son, fuck her.

exmrs Tue 18-Nov-14 19:50:40

I haven't even added the half of what she said and all this time she pretended she was on our side, it majorly back fired on her though as ex walked away again and I think she thought he was back for good.

I anticipated her trying to get in as we haven't spoke in 3 months but it was my sons birthday and I told her to give card and present on her we'd,end and she exploded

Aeroflotgirl Tue 18-Nov-14 20:02:53

She is toxic, and a lier, I personally would keep her away. Does your ds want to see her?

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