Don't know whether this will identify me but I am now 'single' and ....
I have a daughter who lives thousands of miles away abroad with her husband and two young boys. I visit at least once a year and, when the boys were small, I went at least twice a year to see how they progressed. I've spent the last two Christmases there and loved seeing the joy of the boys' faces (well, and on other faces as well).
This year, I thought I'd be fair and that it was time that my X should have a trip there at Christmas so just didn't book anything and, yes, he's going with his OW wife. I've booked to go at the end of November returning long before they go. While I'm there, my lovely Son In Law celebrates a not big birthday but I'll be pleased to be there because they celebrate anything .
I went to a 'gathering' here the other day and my trip was mentioned in conversation by someone else and the OW picked up on it because she 'didn't know' that I was going which means that, presumably, my X doesn't know either. Am I supposed to tell the world and his wife what I'm doing every day? I suppose my daughter has not told her father yet that I'm going. AIBU to keep my affairs to those whom I choose to tell?
Iwantgin You might be right. I did find myself answering questions as to dates and, when I mentioned the birthday, I got How Old is He? If I'd thought that she'd think I'd be there at the same time, I could have played along and teased. I wish I had now!
After 'experience', I've already told my 'abroad' family that I could not holiday with my X again unless it were a special occasion eg wedding or something else that was special like that. He still treats me like his downtrodden wife after all these years.