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to ask DB not to bring turkey?

(74 Posts)
LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 11:34:51

We (DP, kids and I) are having my parents and siblings over for Christmas day.

We're vegetarian, and will be having nut roast, etc. The oven will be ram packed.
DBrother wants to bring a turkey/turkey portion.

WIBU to say no? Is it mean of me, given that he'd probably prepare it all himself?

WorraLiberty Tue 18-Nov-14 11:37:37

Do you have a microwave he can reheat it in?

HeyheyheyGoodbye Tue 18-Nov-14 11:37:37

I think if you were going to a meat-eater's house you'd probably be a bit miffed if they wouldn't let you bring your nut roast along! Can he just bring a smaller portion so it won't take up too much room in the oven?

MimiSunshine Tue 18-Nov-14 11:46:58

What HeyheyheyGoodby said. and does that mean no pigs in blankets shock

Let him know the oven isn't big enough to house a turkey but if wants to bring his own portion then that's fine. To be honest even if its cold, by the time potatoes, veg and gravy are piled on he wont notice as it will warm up.

Thumbwitch Tue 18-Nov-14 11:49:11

Are you objecting to it because you don't want meat in the house, or are you just worried about the practicalities? Because if it's the former, then you should tell your DB ahead of time so he can decide whether or not he wants to come to yours for Christmas dinner at all, or have his dinner elsewhere the way he wants it, and see you after.
If it's the latter, then there are ways around it and YABU.

mmgirish Tue 18-Nov-14 12:00:51

YABU, it's Christmas. Let the fella bring over some turkey to heat up in the microwave...

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 18-Nov-14 12:07:44

Why can;t he bring it cooked? I think YABU. My DH is a vegan...he'd never say no to me eating my bacon or whatever!

Trickydecision Tue 18-Nov-14 12:10:46

There was a recent and virtually identical thread involving vegetarians and the DM or Mil wanting to do exactly the same as the OP's brother.

LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 12:24:05

Thank you all for replying.

So, as I suspected, I'm probably BU.
We don't have a microwave, no, but we can probably make room.

My reasons for feeling mildly miffed about it were:
- I felt, childishly, that what I was offering should be enough & people could take it as it was or leave it
- I hate the smell of meat, although I can probably get over that for one day
- I'm a control freak and a bit of a bitch grin

I'll tell DB I've got over myself and he can bring turkey.

Out of interest, what was the conclusion on the other thread?

LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 12:24:33

(he can't bring it cooked because he lives in another city)

MrsEames Tue 18-Nov-14 12:27:40

Can't you add some nice cooked sliced turkey to your shopping list? If there's no room to cook a full one?

Littlef00t Tue 18-Nov-14 12:33:30

I think a reasonable compromise would be you buying a packet of pre cooked turkey slices. He can have them cold, or you can pop in the oven after you've taken everything out.

Personally I don't think it's the same as you wanting to bring a veggie dish, as you're providing enough food that he can eat, but for the sake of family harmony at Christmas I'd do the above.

whois Tue 18-Nov-14 12:37:16

Another vote for you buying nice ore cooked turkey slices which can be reheated in gravy.

Nice to be nice at Christmas.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 18-Nov-14 12:38:00

Lily he could use a cooler! Unless he lives in New York there's no reason he couldn't cook his turkey and fetch it the day after!

WorraLiberty Tue 18-Nov-14 12:39:38

Thousands of people put time, effort and care into their Christmas dinner. It's an important part of the day for many people, especially (if not mainly) adults.

So I really wouldn't fancy forcing down a nut roast just because it's been provided.

NotYouNaanBread Tue 18-Nov-14 12:41:14

Yep. YABU, and inhospitable.

Take meat out of the equation - let's just say you were planning to only serve beer because you don't like the smell or wine and you never drink it. But he doesn't like beer, and would like to bring wine.

Unless he's staying in a hotel or b&b on Christmas Eve, he can certainly bring it himself.

Thumbwitch Tue 18-Nov-14 12:46:20

" I felt, childishly, that what I was offering should be enough & people could take it as it was or leave it"

Well yes, I would say that is unreasonable in itself. I wouldn't like a nut roast for my Christmas dinner and if you said to me "take it or leave it", I'd choose to leave it. Which probably isn't in the spirit of good family relations at Christmas, is it. You can't force vegetarianism on people - any more than they can force you to eat meat.

Sparks1007 Tue 18-Nov-14 12:47:03

Nicely said NotYouNaan.

LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 12:51:40

Thanks again to all. Yes, I'll tell DB he's welcome to bring turkey.

Out of interest, if you were invited round to a vegetarian's house on any other day of the year, would you think it fine to bring meat? Genuine question.

nancy75 Tue 18-Nov-14 12:56:36

If it was a friend I would eat the vegetarian food, if it was my brother I would probably bring meat if I really wanted it.

tywysogesgymraeg Tue 18-Nov-14 13:00:24

If you were invited to a meat eater's house on any other day of the year, would you think it fine to bring a vegetarian meal? Genuine question.

It works both ways.

Yes, I know meat eaters can eat vegitarian, but not vice versa, but some meat eaters are equally as firm in their conviction that a meal is not a meal unless it contains meat.

LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 13:00:59

(For the record, I did actually say at the very outset "anyone who would like a vegetarian Christmas dinner with us is welcome to come to ours" at the outset. People accepted. Then, a month later, came the Turkey Talk....).

grumpasaur Tue 18-Nov-14 13:01:18


On most days of the year, I would be more than happy to eat vegetarian meals at a vegetarian's house. More often than not, I cook veggie food anyway.

But Christmas dinner, to me, would not be the same without a delicious turkey and all the trimmings. Same with thanksgiving, and Easter Lamb... It's part of tradition to me, and key part of the day.

Let the man have his turkey!!

LilyTheSlink Tue 18-Nov-14 13:01:58

Good point, nancy, about potential differences between family and friends.

bedraggledmumoftwo Tue 18-Nov-14 13:02:53

I think on any other day you would suck it up and eat whatever but turkey is so intrinsically part of Xmas i would feel i was missing out. And don't take this the wrong way, but most meat eaters don't like veggie substitutes, as they aren't used to them (i am because i trained myself to eat quorn on slimming world) and simply don't like the taste, so it may actually affect their enjoyment of Christmas. Bit like if you were cooking fish but your guests didn't like it, you wouldn't expect them to take it or leave it? At least not on a special occasion

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