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To Want My MIL And FIL To Stop Suggesting I Get A Job

(124 Posts)
Lauren1983 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:15:28

I'm a SAHM to a 21 month old. I worked up until my maternity leave and since then my OH has been the sole earner. Before I met my OH I had managed to save up a decent amount of savings and when my maternity leave ended I paid off the outstanding debt on our new car (I don't drive so in essence it's the OH's car).

I also have been the one to buy the majority of my daughter's things (travel system, stroller, cot, mattress and bedding, car seat etc).

My OH does pay all the bills but I never ask him for money, if I want something I use my savings.

Anyway my MIL and FIL keep hinting at me to find a job and only last week my FIL told me about one he had spotted.

The decision for me to stay at home was a joint one as a couple and one that suits as all but it's getting frustrating when they mention me not having a job nearly every time we see them.

It would also be tricky to find work which fits around my OH's hours as he works shifts..either 6am-4pm or 4pm-3am and we have nobody in the family who could babysit for free.

Part of me wants to tell them to do one but maybe they are just looking after their son's interests?

ilovelamp82 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:20:07

It's obviously none of their business. If they say something again I would just casually say

"That's a few times you've brought up jobs with me. Did DH not tell you that we had decided that the best thing we can do for our family is for me to stay at home at the moment.

Thanks for thinking of me, but no need"

CountingThePennies Mon 17-Nov-14 23:21:03

Whats going to happen when you run out of savings?

ilovesooty Mon 17-Nov-14 23:22:32

Just tell them that you and your husband have made a joint decision and ask them if they'd oblige you by minding their own business.

NoArmaniNoPunani Mon 17-Nov-14 23:23:24

If you aren't married you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

wanttosqueezeyou Mon 17-Nov-14 23:24:27

Why do you use your savings instead of family money?

Has someone told them you're not going back to work?

2minsofyourtime Mon 17-Nov-14 23:25:31

So your dh keeps all his money after paying the bills for himself.?

Please think about suggesting all bills are paid and the remainder is jointly separated equally between both of you.

as for you mil and fil tell them that you are a family and you will go to work when it suits your families need

2minsofyourtime Mon 17-Nov-14 23:28:09

If you aren't married you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Why? Not being snipy, just curious

VonHerrBurton Mon 17-Nov-14 23:28:29

Oh Lauren I feel your pain! Well, frustration more than pain. In my case its my mum and sister mainly. Dh has a shift job also and on his off days he has another job - well, he runs a building company and that second job alone affords me the luxury of not having to work.

We're not rolling in cash, certainly not, but we manage and are both happy the way things are but aforementioned family seem to think im desperate to work - any old crappy job with awful hours for terrible pay, I just don't get it. Im getting really sick of it. My Ds is a lot older than your dc and i think they think its high time i went back to work!

Lauren1983 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:30:16

NoArmaniNoPunani - no we are not married but we are planning to soon.

CountingThePennies - I only use my savings to have dinner out with friends etc. My OH's wages cover all the bills. The money I have left is a decent amount and we are planning to use that as a deposit to move house at some point.

wanttosqueezeyou - As above I only use my savings on treats for myself. All bills/food shopping come out of my OH's wages.

ilovelamp82 - good advice!

wanttosqueezeyou Mon 17-Nov-14 23:31:25

Please think about suggesting all bills are paid and the remainder is jointly separated equally between both of you.

this ^^

Lauren1983 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:36:18

2minsofyourtime - that makes him sound bad and he isn't at all! He is very careful with money and once all the bills are paid the money goes towards our savings (it's in his own account but then again so is mine). He doesn't spend much on himself tbh.

VonHerrBurton - glad it's not just me!

KristinaM Mon 17-Nov-14 23:38:34

Please stop living of your savings, it's a bad habit to get into.

And it suggests that your nights out a personal luxury, whereas his are a necessity . And that your joint income is in fact his and not joint at all .

Is your OH planning to use savings for the deposit too ? Please Make sure you get legal advice before you buy a house together .

BaffledSomeMore Mon 17-Nov-14 23:38:57

Obviously do as pp have said, secure yourself financially in whatever way works for you as a family.
Next time the ILs start, do suggest right back at them that you'll be asking them to be involved in ad hoc childcare because of his shifts.
Normally I wouldn't advocate suggesting gp childcare as a given but if they're going to interfere...

2minsofyourtime Mon 17-Nov-14 23:44:54

Honestly, i'm not trying to make him sound bad but as your savung dwindle his are increasing, it doesn't sound right really.

As for your pil, I'm a sahm mum and im asked all the time when I'm going to get a job. Often I ask them what they did when they had dc's, depending on the answer I just sAy yes we are doing the same or that wouldn't work for us.

Fairylea Mon 17-Nov-14 23:47:09

Tell your pils to mind their own business.

I'm more concerned that you're using your savings. Why aren't you pooling all income and splitting spending money equally? Your job at home is just as valuable a contribution to the family as the paid work your husband does. You should be sharing the income he brings in equally. Without you caring for his child he would not be able to continue to earn that salary.

Lauren1983 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:50:38

KristinaM - he doesn't really have night outs - he is either working or with me and our daughter.

The amount of money I take out of my savings is minimal so I'm not living off them.

My OH is going to use his savings plus the house we live in was bought when he was single so he has put the most money into it.

BaffledSomeMore - I have been tempted to say that I've found an evening job and as 50 percent of the time OH is at work then that I'll need them to babysit every night! trouble is I don't want to cause trouble.

Lauren1983 Mon 17-Nov-14 23:57:42

Fairylea - I think in someway I am uncomfortable on living off of someone else's money completely and I like the fact that I can buy my own things with my own money.

I have to add that we get Child Benefit and that goes into my account and I pick up odd bits of food shopping/things for my daughter with it.

Oldraver Mon 17-Nov-14 23:58:27

Next time they suggest you get a job say "oh yes I was meaning to have a word with you about that...We are needing childcare"

But only if you are sure they wont say yes grin

Lauren1983 Tue 18-Nov-14 00:04:12

Oldraver - I think I will. They often say how tired they are after work (they say this to my OH when he's just finished a 10 hour shift with an hours commute each way) so I can't see them wanting to then look after a very energetic toddler!

AlpacaMyBags Tue 18-Nov-14 03:14:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowmummy Tue 18-Nov-14 04:14:29

Yanbu. However, I don't understand why you have bought everything or why you're using savings.

Pastperfect Tue 18-Nov-14 04:49:32

Your pils are being rude and your DP needs to make it clear that you (plural) have made a joint decision to stay at home. However given that is so it is absolutely NOT ACCEPTABLE for you to be using your savings for day to day living expenses.

You mention that you have paid for most of the stuff for your DC, but this should be at worst a shared cost and should actually in my opinion come out if the family income

I am concerned that as someone who is not married you have paid off your OH car yet don't seem to have access to the money he earns. Please please before you marry him and lose all your savings by putting them down as a deposit in a house that would have to be split if you split have a serious conversation about financial expectations. Your pils are the least if your worries

eurochick Tue 18-Nov-14 04:56:39

It is none of their business, but as others have said, you are in a terrible financial position.

Theorientcalf Tue 18-Nov-14 05:03:50

If you aren't married you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position

Why? Not being snipy, just curious

Because there's no such thing as a 'common law' marriage. If something happens to the DP then the OP won't be entitled to any assets and won't be his next of kin. Unless they've already been to a solicitor and had something drawn up.

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