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Aibu to tell my sister to suck it up

(259 Posts)
Vodkajellies Mon 17-Nov-14 20:49:12

I've booked a trip to Disneyland for dcs birthday originally it was just going to be myself and dcs my sil asked if she could come so we booked everything and it was all paid up and my dsis asked if she could come but as the room was full she had to pay a reduced price for an extra room all was fine until exdp said he'd really love to join us after the last few months it would be a turning point
for us,I've given him the price of adding himself on and told my dsis about she is now refusing to go as she doesn't like exdp (neither do I but its besides the point) anyway she said he can buy her tickets which are almost twice as much as what I've told him he has to pay and I know if I tell him it's more it will cause an argument and he will probably end up not coming.
So would I bu to tell dsis it's tough I've given ex the price he has given me the money or tell ex he has to pay to more? U know their his dcs and he's a shit but he's not rolling in it.

Looseleaf Mon 17-Nov-14 20:53:42

I'm not sure but think YABU. Your sister should get her full money back if you want to change the holiday to something that doesn't suit her?
Explain to your ex about the cost being different, stress you'd still like him to come and could you offer to help with the extra cost if needed?
I don't think it's your sister's fault

OliviaBenson Mon 17-Nov-14 20:56:45

Yabu- you have changed the holiday without asking her. If you don't like your exdp why is it important that he's there? And why are you worried about upsetting him? Unless there is more backstory to this, I'm sorry, but I'm with your sister.

ChasedByBees Mon 17-Nov-14 20:56:52

Why is it so much cheaper for your exDP? And why do you want him on holiday if you don't like him? You can improve your relationship at home surely?

Vodkajellies Mon 17-Nov-14 20:57:23

I don't think it's her fault it's just he has given me the money she is just being spiteful

honeysucklejasmine Mon 17-Nov-14 20:57:29

Why does he pay less than your sis? Is it because it takes you up to a certain number or something?

Sis Is not unreasonable to want a refund.

wannabestressfree Mon 17-Nov-14 20:57:42

You said you would go with your sister?
You are now inviting ex who she doesn't like and she now doesn't want to go?
I would be really upset if my sister did this to me and expect you to refund me the cost.
She is family sad

OliviaBenson Mon 17-Nov-14 20:58:56

It doesn't sound like she's being spiteful, she just doesn't want to go on holiday with your ex. How is that spiteful?

honeysucklejasmine Mon 17-Nov-14 20:59:01

I don't understand why you think she is spiteful. For wanting her money back, after you change the plans?

Vodkajellies Mon 17-Nov-14 21:00:51

Because it's for our sons birthday!
The reason as to why it's more expensive is that he would have to change over names on tickets plus pay for

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Mon 17-Nov-14 21:01:59

I'm with your sister on this, you the one who's changed the original plans and I don't understand why it would cost him less.

Also if you can't stand him why an earth you allowing him to come on holiday

woowoo22 Mon 17-Nov-14 21:04:00

He's your ex. Presumably for a reason. This sounds bizarre. Why did you split up? Was he controlling?

indigo18 Mon 17-Nov-14 21:04:39


CrispyFern Mon 17-Nov-14 21:05:42

You are being really unfair to your sister!

Vodkajellies Mon 17-Nov-14 21:06:08

I'm not saying she is not entitled to get her money back but the way she has gone about it has pissed me off and tbh I never knew she had such an aversion to until today.

Yes she is family as is he, he is my dcs dad and as I said in my op I booked to go on my own with dcs.

susiedaisy Mon 17-Nov-14 21:06:11

Yabu op you have changed the holiday plans without asking your sister. You said yourself that your exdp is a shit, why on earth are you inviting him on a holiday?

Vodkajellies Mon 17-Nov-14 21:09:33

No he wasn't controlling and we spilt up because he cheated.
I didn't invite him he asked if he could come and as I want my dcs to enjoy their holiday it's not for her or myself it's for them.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 17-Nov-14 21:09:49

I'm with the others, you asked him, she doesnt like him and rather not going, presumably so there isnt an atmosphere.

Give her a full refund or tell the ex you dont like that he cant come.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 17-Nov-14 21:11:18

If hes a shit and you dont like him, then there is a chance of an atmosphere, how will that be good for the dcs?

madwomanbackintheattic Mon 17-Nov-14 21:11:33

Yep, you need to tell ex dp 'not this time, I'm afraid. We aren't playing happy families. I'm taking the children to celebrate being able to cope on my own'

What do you mean by 'turning point'? Are you expecting to get back together? Is that why it's cheaper? He's staying in your room?


Do the right thing and either pay your sister back in full, or tell mr 'I didn't think of booking the holiday for myself but will happily sponge off my ex' that it isn't convenient for him to attend.

If it's a turning point and you are getting back together, you don't want that whole scenario impinging on your son's birthday anyway.

MissBlennerhasset Mon 17-Nov-14 21:12:02


KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Mon 17-Nov-14 21:13:00

No, its not your sis who is being unreasonable here.

You were going with her. You've changed the boundaries. You give her the refund and YOU suck it up.

madwomanbackintheattic Mon 17-Nov-14 21:13:23

Or if it's 'just for the dc's' then don't let him come. He cheated on you? And you are finding it weird that your sister doesn't want to holiday with him?

Ffs. She's showing you more loyalty than he ever has, and you are pissed at HER.

That takes the biscuit.

ilovesooty Mon 17-Nov-14 21:14:03

I'm with everyone else. If I were your sister I'd be unhappy as well.

madwomanbackintheattic Mon 17-Nov-14 21:15:15

She's probably royally pissed that you are being a mug, and opening yourself up to trust the cheating bastard again (and of course, screwing her over into the bargain).

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