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AIBU to say something or not?

(136 Posts)
VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 15:43:38

My mother has told me she wont be watching my kids anymore for me, because she's 'not well enough' she 'has a bad back'

She's the only person that we have, nobody else to help us if we get stuck.

Anyway, she's at my house every day, absolutely fine, she's just told me she's going on a shopping trip tomorrow, so obviously her back isn't that bad, the fact of the matter is she just cant be arsed actually doing anything for anyone else - but she'll happily come here and drink endless cups of tea every day. I'm actually fuming.

DP has always said she's lazy and selfish and i agree. I'm struggling to bite my tounge here. AIBU?

WinterKisses Mon 17-Nov-14 15:44:57

I'm afraid that YABU, she doesn't need an excuse to not want to look after your children no matter how irritating.

Whereisegg Mon 17-Nov-14 15:46:15

Depends.
How many dc, how often you ask, how long for, if they are well behaved, why you are asking.

Bananaapplegrape Mon 17-Nov-14 15:47:23

How often does she have them normally?

formerbabe Mon 17-Nov-14 15:47:37

Yabu and entitled! Do you need her to look after them because you work? If so, get a childminder, nursery or use an after school club like many others do.

VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 15:47:59

I can see people have replied but cant view the replies???

outofcontrol2014 Mon 17-Nov-14 15:49:59

I think YAB a little bit U about the childcare, though I can see why you would be angry.

However, it is entirely up to you whether you continue to drink tea with her - and in your shoes, I think I might choose not to be so co-operative about her need for company!

WeirdCatLady Mon 17-Nov-14 15:51:22

Wow OP you sound like a lovely caring daughter. She's announced that she isn't well enough to take care of your children for you but because she can still go shopping for herself she is being lazy and selfish?
One of you is selfish alright, just not sure it's your mum.

Unless there is a HUGE backstory YABVU.

TheAlias Mon 17-Nov-14 15:51:45

Of course she's perfectly entitled to say she won't be watching your kids, she doesn't have to give a reason. Really, the fact that she doesn't want to do it is all you need to know, a shame though it is. You could equally tell her she won't be drinking endless tea at your house if you wanted to but that, or anything else you might say won't really achieve anything.

You need to get out and start cultivating some friends or neighbours who would help. There you are, you can tell your mum you don't have time to sit drinking tea with her because you need to get out and meet people!

I'm sorry, but YABU. Your mother does not have to look after your children.

LadyLuck10 Mon 17-Nov-14 15:52:41

Yabu your anger about this makes you sound entitled. Endless cups of tea, so what? She's your mother, I'm sure she provided you with endless cups of tea when you were growing uphmm

FelixTitling Mon 17-Nov-14 15:55:16

Without more information, yabu. They're your kids, not hers.

We have 1 set go gp's who very occasionally have the kids for us and 1 set who never do. Quite happy for them to come here for a cuppa though...when invited.

Sunna Mon 17-Nov-14 15:57:15

YABVU. They are your DCs and it's up to you to pay for child care. She's probably finding it a strain at her age, I know I would.

Pippidoeswhatshewants Mon 17-Nov-14 15:58:44

How often does your mum watch your kids for you?

VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 16:06:23

Sorry I'm not replying, i cant view replies on here, its just showing my OP, don't know what's going on confused

magpiegin Mon 17-Nov-14 16:10:36

YABU. It's up to her if she looks after your kids or not. They're your kids so you have to sort childcare. We don't have any local family to help so have to sort it ourselves.

VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 16:12:38

She doesn't watch them on a regular basis, we don't need childcare for work as me and DP work opposite shifts so don't need it, its just when say i need her to watch them a couple of hours when i have a dentist appointment or docs appt or something

SquirrelSwarm Mon 17-Nov-14 16:13:26

I'm not sure what connection a bad back and not shopping have. I can see the connection between having a bad back and finding looking after small children difficult.

RiverTam Mon 17-Nov-14 16:17:56

I don't have anyone to watch DD for those reasons, so DD just has to come with me. Are there no other local parents you could swap this kind of thing with?

Your mum may simply have had enough of looking after your DC. Be grateful for the care that she has provided for you over the years and make alternative arrangements.

MrsDeVere Mon 17-Nov-14 16:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 16:20:28

It just makes me laugh that when i had the nerve to ask somebody else to watch the kids for an hour she threw a hissy fit claiming that i must think she's not good enough, but then whinges and moans when i do ask her and now cant be arsed at all

MonstrousRatbag Mon 17-Nov-14 16:28:34

I don't think she has to help you. But I can see why you find it annoying that she has said, effectively 'I'm never again helping you on the few occasions you need it, but I am going to spend all my free time in your house.' It may not be entirely fair or rational, but that would get my goat too.

RiverTam Mon 17-Nov-14 16:29:02

well, in the case I think it's probably best she's thrown in the towel, at least you know where you are.

VitoCorleone Mon 17-Nov-14 16:29:56

And as for finding it a strain "at her age" she's only 50

nilbyname Mon 17-Nov-14 16:31:19

She does not owe you childcare.

Pay for a cm or a nursery?

Maybe she is just fed up or tired of it all and she needs to stop, as Is her right.

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