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How much do you spend on parents birthdays?

(17 Posts)
desperatedino Mon 17-Nov-14 12:50:48

Feeling a bit down at the moment, was made redundant last year, fixed rate ended so mortgage gone up, put what I had spare in a card for my mum and she is upset as it is not enough, apparently she received more off my sisters.

She lives abroad so can't take gifts round etc.

CelibacyCakeAndElevatorMuzac Mon 17-Nov-14 12:52:17

Between £20 to £30 but I have spent as little as £10 when things have been tight.

desperatedino Mon 17-Nov-14 12:54:30

I put in £20.

tertle Mon 17-Nov-14 13:03:24

I usually spend quite a lot on my parents, and this year spent about £200 on my dad for his 60th. However, this Christmas it will be a lot less as I am no longer working. I know my dad won't even notice; whatever my sister and I buy him he always says that we are too generous and he doesn't deserve such lovely daughters. And fwiw, my dad can behave like a spoilt brat at times!

Your mum is being rude and unreasonable. I can't ever imagine a parent complaining about a gift or comparing it with my sister's. And I presume she knows about your financial situation?
I can understand that she may have preferred a gift to the value of what you sent, as opposed to cash (a bit impersonal imo) but still, she shouldn't be whinging.

What does she send you?

Triooooooooooo Mon 17-Nov-14 13:03:50

£30 max.

And if anyone dared to be as ungrateful and rude as your mum then some lucy sod in Africa would be benefitting from a couple of Oxfam chickens the following year.

desperatedino Mon 17-Nov-14 13:10:07

She usually sends £30 in card for my birthday.

tertle Mon 17-Nov-14 13:15:13

Have no idea what her problem is then! If she sends money she's obviously happy to receive it and £20 is absolutely fine. She sounds very ungrateful. Was it her complaining or did your sisters tell you?

flowers hope your financial situation improves soon and that you get an apology from your mum.

chillychicken Mon 17-Nov-14 13:15:25

I've been known not to buy at all for my Dad when I've been skint. He understands. When my PIL lived abroad, we never bought them a gift or sent money.

Your mum is BU.

BackforGood Mon 17-Nov-14 13:15:36

How rude! shock

My parents are no longer with us, but we tend to spend around £15 on PiLs (and also siblings, nieces, nephews, etc.).

tbh, if they lived abroad, I don't really see the point in sending money between you - presumably they send money back when it's your birthday? I'd go for a "Look, it's pointless you sending us money for our birthdays then us sending you money for yours, lets just all send cards from now on and you can always treat yourself to something on your birthday if you want" conversation.

desperatedino Mon 17-Nov-14 13:21:57

Not too sure what she is complaining about!- she has always been a bit grabby and selfish. She will be lucky if she gets anything at all next year.

She and my sister have had a go at me, my sister spent about £80.

Mitzi50 Mon 17-Nov-14 13:31:51

Seems very unreasonable and ungrateful.

I used to spend around £30 on my mum. This year I am only doing temporary work and am very short of money so every adult I normally buy for has got homemade jams and chutneys. Everybody has seemed quite pleased.

avocadotoast Mon 17-Nov-14 13:41:48

£15-20 usually. Maybe a little more if I'm feeling flush. They'd be mortified if I spent more than I could afford though. Your mum sounds like she's being a bit mean really.

however Mon 17-Nov-14 13:42:50

Nothing. Same for christmas. Mum's dead now anyway, but we don't see the need for gifts for adults who have pretty much everything they need. It's been that way for years and years.

desperatedino Mon 17-Nov-14 13:57:07

Thanks all, still annoyed going to ignore the lot of them for a while and concentrate on my own little family.

larryphilanddave Mon 17-Nov-14 13:57:47

In terms of the initial question, we spend very little. We live fairly close to my parents and so birthdays usually involve cooking them a special meal. We don't have much money hence we don't spend a lot, but we try to put thought into and do something we know they'll like. DH does almost zero for his parents beyond a phonecall, they live further away and just don't really care, but occasionally he sees something that makes him think of them and so he'll get it for them. Again nothing particularly expensive but always thoughtful.

Overall I'm with Back. Just seems like the money keeps circulating around the family so everyone is more or less the same regardless!

I also have this notion that once you reach adulthood, it all becomes a lot more about the thought and taking the time to reach out rather than what you get. When you're younger you can't buy things for yourself usually, so you look forward to the gifts or money to then have what you want (although of course hopefully appreciating and not expecting!). As an adult, it's usually more the case that you just get things for yourself; or, if you are not able to do that, then that might be where a loved one steps in and knows you'd really like X and so surprises you with it, or asks what you want and gets it for you. But there shouldn't be any expectation attached to gifts hmm

MissBlake Mon 17-Nov-14 17:51:51

How awful of your mum to say that, she obviously knows things are tight for you financially so should be more understanding. Its not as if you forgot her birthday!
I usually spend around 30-40 or we all club together sometimes if buying something expensive.

irregularegular Mon 17-Nov-14 17:54:15

Could be anything £20-50 depending on what I see that I like. I wouldn't give money to parents though - seems pointless. They have plenty of money, but hopefully appreciate me picking something out for them.

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