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Is this the MN done thing?

(29 Posts)
definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 12:47:43

I know who someone is sad She said something the other day and I linked it to a post I'd seen. And someone else told me that MN ettiquette is to let her know by PM so she can name change. But that seems a slightly weird (sinister?) PM to get.

So is it? The done thing I mean.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 12:49:47

I wouldn't personally. You may cause her extreme embarrassment. If she has nothing to fear from you regarding you gossiping, then why put her through knowing she's "outed".

She's not outed till she's outed.

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 12:51:28

Well yeah that was my thought. But this friend said it's the done thing. And I think she probably posts things she wouldn't want me to know IRL so while I won't go looking for her posts, I will see them and then maybe know things I shouldn't...

Boomtownsurprise Mon 17-Nov-14 12:52:39

For me depends on sensitivity. If it's about her cat or mil or cooking then no, doesn't matter. If it's detailing a row between her and dh or money issues I'd def pm her.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 12:53:44

There's no "done thing" on MN. Aside from the usual written rules about not abusing people or starting threads about threads.

As I said, she may not want you to know but if you're not a gossip then what she does not know will not hurt her.

She won't be able to face you if she knows you know. Do her the kindness and have the grace to save her face.

fluffyraggies Mon 17-Nov-14 12:54:40

I'd want to know if someone had worked out who i was.

Just PM her (in your MN name) and say 'i know who you are in RL - just letting you know in case you want to name change'. Don't tell her who you are IRL and then she can't cringe about it.

I think it would be courteous.

InfinitySeven Mon 17-Nov-14 12:55:31

I would want to know so that I can name change. It's personal, though. Unfortunately, you'll have to guess based on knowing her, and what she is posting.

ChimesAndCarols Mon 17-Nov-14 12:55:50

Sorry, don't agree with the others. I think you should let her know she's been 'outed' - 'tis only polite, after all.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 12:56:58

Oh I take it back! Fluffy has outlined how she need never know who you are....but be sure to really let her know youi'd never, ever gossip about her.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 12:57:32

It's not me is it!? grin

{waits for pm}

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 12:57:47

It's not one post. It's regular posting on a specific board herer (which I'm also on and don't want to leave) and yes, more along the 'Relationships' lines. Things I know she wouldn't want people to link her to.

But as you say I wouldn't ever DO anything with knowledge and her UN is obviously one she's had for ages.

SO I feel really conflicted...

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 12:58:40

Oh no I wouldn't tell her IRL!!!! But wouldn't that make it a bit worse? Might make her paranoid...

Vitalstatistix Mon 17-Nov-14 12:59:07

I would want to know.

You could pm her or tell her in person. Or you could always let her know you are on mumsnet without saying you think you have identified her by finding a way to bring the conversation round to it and saying that you use mumsnet.

She'll either say she does too, or she'll pretend she doesn't know it grin but she'll know you're around and she can decide what she wants to do.

tbh, it would be pretty foolish for any of us to assume that nobody we know is reading what we write.

Boomtownsurprise Mon 17-Nov-14 13:00:00

Ok. So. If she knows someone's who uses the same board you could be taking away a very much needed source of support.

If you like the board, can't you just avoid threads that sound like her?

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 13:02:02

It won't make her paranoid if you word it very carefully.

Just be cheerful....something like "I hope you don't mind but you've posted a few things which have made me realise I know you in real life slightly...I wanted you to know so that you can have the opportunity to name change in case anyone who knows you well recognises you. I also want you to know that I'd never, ever "out" you...I'm not like that and I hope someone would also let me know if I'd given too much info out on MN because I love it here!"

You do realise though may have to NC yourself as she may work out who you are too.

Vitalstatistix Mon 17-Nov-14 13:03:51

oh god fluffy, imagine how creepy that would be though grin

mummykins 862 says hey there, I know who you are...

I'd feel more uncomfortable with that than someone saying hi Jane it's Barbara here, noticed you around the boards.

Better that than wondering exactly who it is in rl who has 'found' you. If you don't know who it is, then you just get paranoid thinking it could be anybody.

Then you'd need to do some sort of process of elimination thing with pombears and diced pears and slicing a chicken so thinly you can see though it and all that, and see who laughs grin

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 13:05:16

Can't avoid her threads no as it's more like there'll be a thread and she'll pop in and say 'ah when DH and I had that problem in our marriage...' - you know like board regulars do (it's not relationships, it's something else but v similar level of sensitivity).

I am in a NC for this in fact <twirls>

I like your wording claws...

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 13:06:14

Shit. I'll know she's onto me if next time I see here there are Pombears, or Naice ham...

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 13:07:18

Are you going to PM her with that user name OP? grin

Might as well call yourself "I know who you were last Summer." Just as creepy!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 13:08:10

When you next meet up, make sure you take a pack of pombears and offer her one with a straight face and staring eyes! Leave some ham on her doorstep!

Boomtownsurprise Mon 17-Nov-14 13:09:30

Maybe she's already clocked you....


Vitalstatistix Mon 17-Nov-14 13:10:25

Well, if I'm me and you're you, we have plans to meet up tomorrow and I am going to drop in every mn bad joke I know and see if you crack grin

fluffyraggies Mon 17-Nov-14 13:12:45

vital grin

I know who you aaaaaaare ... mmwha ha ha haaaaaaa

definitelynotaweirdstalker Mon 17-Nov-14 13:18:44

I thought I was projecting not-at-all-creepy-not-me? <looks hopeful>

Vitalstatistix Mon 17-Nov-14 13:40:57


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