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'There is no way I am kissing you when you're like that'

(18 Posts)
whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 11:54:36

Right. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. Been seeing guy for five months. For whatever reason (mainly busy work/social lives on both sides) we haven't had 'the talk' and have been just steadily dating each other a couple of times a week. Last night after a lovely evening at a concert he asked me to be his girlfriend. Very happy, said yes.

I've had a cold coming on for a couple of days and been coughing at night. I stay at his quite often, in fact he's only stayed over at mine once. (nicer house, bigger bed, more centrally located than where I am) so as it was getting toward last train times I said I'd dash off as I didn't want to disturb him during the night being under the weather. He said not to be silly, he wanted me to come back with him. He seemed quite affronted I didn't want to stay because I had a cold and insisted he really wanted me to, so off we went.

Still in early stages so we do tend to have sex whenever we can. So we're in bed, he's put some music on but he's facing the other way when I come in. I've got a lemsip and probably don't look as appealing as normal due to obvious cold symptoms... so I try and cuddle up to him...

Eventually he turns over and says he cannot bring himself to kiss me because of my cold, and he doesn't want to have sex as it's weird without kissing. That was it, no good night hug or anything ..he sort of stroked me with his foot down my leg!

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive..I just felt a bit gross and rejected. I mean, colds are not nice but if he had a cold I don't think I'd outright shun him!

I had an early start this morning (after a night of worrying my coughing was disturbing him so not really sleeping) and when I got up to go he did the leg stroking thing again!

TheAlias Mon 17-Nov-14 11:59:43

Is he quite young?!

There are so many ways he could have done/said the same things and come out of it looking like the best boyfriend ever.

Of course he wanted you to come back, he loves your company, its not all about sex. You must be feeling terrible and you need your sleep, here I'll tuck you in etc etc

Lweji Mon 17-Nov-14 12:04:55

I think it was nice he asked you to stay, but then his body language sounds off to me.
Do you ever cuddle without sex?

WorraLiberty Mon 17-Nov-14 12:06:36

I don't blame him but he could have cuddled you, instead of rubbing his foot on you!

ChippingInAutumnLover Mon 17-Nov-14 12:09:06

How odd?! If he was going to be that weird, why not just let you go home?

grocklebox Mon 17-Nov-14 12:13:50

Ok this thread of your two almost identical ones has the point you meant. But you're getting totally opposite answers.

Idefix Mon 17-Nov-14 12:15:31

I can't bear to kiss my DH if I or he has a cold, but do ask for a cuddle. I think you should tell him how you feel? Maybe he took your initial reluctance to stay at his as a sign that dtd was off the books and didn't want to send the wrong signals, especially if intimacy usually leads to more?
Hope it works out and that you are feeling better.

BigPawsBrown Mon 17-Nov-14 12:16:55

Hmm, could be his own issue. Some people (I am one of them), for whatever reasons, are a bit weird about getting colds.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Mon 17-Nov-14 12:36:02

I don't think it's weird at all! I wouldn't want to kiss my DH when he was all snotty either. And I would say so!

He wanted you there just so he was "with" you.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 12:37:13

Grocklebox, I went back and tried to correct as I had written the title wrong at first. Now I have two identical threads. I don't know how to correct that.

I definitely would have liked a cuddle/hair stroke, SOMETHING affectionate! Didn't have to be sex obviously. The foot stroke thing put me in mind of what you'd do if there was a dog at the end of your bed or something.

Lweji Mon 17-Nov-14 12:39:17

I think you should tell him you'd like a cuddle or more than a leg stroke and see how he reacts.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 12:41:47

He's normally very cuddly. But that leads to sex nine times out of ten. Thinking the leg stroke was a non-sexual way of making contact. He'd shared a bottle of water with me at the concert, even though I warned him about the cold, so he's probably got my germs anyway.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Mon 17-Nov-14 12:48:09

I think he probably just didn't want to spend all night with a boner! If you are always having sex then a cuddle would probably have got him excited and made for an uncomfortable night. Agree with others that it is a good sign he wanted you to stay even when he didn't want to shag you being all germy.

fluffyraggies Mon 17-Nov-14 12:50:32

Seems a little cold to me. Just turning away with no goodnight hug. Foot on leg.

5 months into my relationship with DH he would have kissed and wanted sex with me even if i'd had a bout of raging leprosy (if i was up for it as well) but not everyone is the same.

How old is he OP? Is he generally good at being sympathetic when you're ill? Have you been poorly round him before?

My XH used to get in a foul mood when i wasn't well - for what reason i don't know.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 12:55:22

Fluffyraggies- he's 31. I'm 29. Well he's good in the practical sense (he's an engineer and has a very 'fix' things mentality). So he'll be very 'take some paracetamol, here's a glass of water' but not so great at showing actual sympathy/giving me a hug. I guess that's just his way. But it DID feel a bit cold. I couldn't help feeling shunned!

Lweji Mon 17-Nov-14 12:59:42

That is the type of thing that is easy to dismiss early on, but it can become a problem later in the relationship. Years of no support can take a toll. If you are not happy with that side of things now, perhaps it is best to look for someone who can give it to you. Or see if he understands that you need cuddles sometimes and responds when you ask.

fluffyraggies Mon 17-Nov-14 13:05:12

OK so he's not a 'kid' then.

DH is the other way around. He's huggy and sympatheitc if i'm poorly but wouldn't think to go and fetch/suggest any medicine for me hmmgrin

I don't think you're BU to feel a bit miffed. If you wanted to mention it; dig him in the ribs and say cheerily 'oi, a cuddle would have been nice the other night by the way - i felt like a germ ridden un-clean when you turned away'. He'll probably say sorry and remember next time. That'll be that.

If you feel strongly don't let it fester.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 13:06:40

Thanks. I'm honestly not particularly needy. I like to feel affection though! He also asked me quite sharply to 'go over there' when we got back to his and he was making tea/getting biscuits out of the packet and I was hit by an unexpected bout of coughing (I'd covered my mouth, of course, and turned away and was in the process of moving somewhere else to get over it! Maybe he's just weird with illness.

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