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'There is no way I am not kissing you when you're like that'

(43 Posts)
whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 11:53:50

Right. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not. Been seeing guy for five months. For whatever reason (mainly busy work/social lives on both sides) we haven't had 'the talk' and have been just steadily dating each other a couple of times a week. Last night after a lovely evening at a concert he asked me to be his girlfriend. Very happy, said yes.

I've had a cold coming on for a couple of days and been coughing at night. I stay at his quite often, in fact he's only stayed over at mine once. (nicer house, bigger bed, more centrally located than where I am) so as it was getting toward last train times I said I'd dash off as I didn't want to disturb him during the night being under the weather. He said not to be silly, he wanted me to come back with him. He seemed quite affronted I didn't want to stay because I had a cold and insisted he really wanted me to, so off we went.

Still in early stages so we do tend to have sex whenever we can. So we're in bed, he's put some music on but he's facing the other way when I come in. I've got a lemsip and probably don't look as appealing as normal due to obvious cold symptoms... so I try and cuddle up to him...

Eventually he turns over and says he cannot bring himself to kiss me because of my cold, and he doesn't want to have sex as it's weird without kissing. That was it, no good night hug or anything ..he sort of stroked me with his foot down my leg!

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive..I just felt a bit gross and rejected. I mean, colds are not nice but if he had a cold I don't think I'd outright shun him!

I had an early start this morning (after a night of worrying my coughing was disturbing him so not really sleeping) and when I got up to go he did the leg stroking thing again!

itiswhatitiswhatitis Mon 17-Nov-14 11:56:43

Yabu. Sorry but I wouldn't want to kiss with someone who had a cold either!

smokeandfluff Mon 17-Nov-14 11:56:58

I don't know what's going on with the leg stroking thing, but yabu, I don't want to kiss/shag dh when he has a cold/cough

Meechimoo Mon 17-Nov-14 11:57:22

I don't kiss anyone when they have a cold. And in bed, it's not going to be a quick peck is it? It is possible to have sex without kissing, but feels a bit impersonal. Don't be offended.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 11:59:29

Haha, ok, nice to get some perspective. I think it was the leg stroking thing mostly that pissed me off mostly.

Amethyst24 Mon 17-Nov-14 12:00:02

I think it's probably a good sign that he wanted you to stay over even though he knew sex wouldn't be on the cards.

KatoPotato Mon 17-Nov-14 12:00:20

YAB a bit overly sensitive! He wanted you to stay over which was sweet, given the choice I'd put DH in the garage when he has a cold. Let alone get sexy with him!

Lemsip is not an aphrodisiac!

VoyagesOfAStarship Mon 17-Nov-14 12:00:42

I think it's reasonable not to want to get up close when you have a bad cold.

However, for him to insist you go back to his, against your wishes, and better judgement, and then be like that about it is suspicious IMO. You have to want to be with him, and he's "affronted" if you don't, but then he can push you away and make you feel bad.

I hesitate to wheel out the red flags quite yet but I'd keep an eye on this one.

Smartleatherbag Mon 17-Nov-14 12:00:42

Yabu. Dh and I tend not to kiss when down with the cold.

Legohair Mon 17-Nov-14 12:01:00

I can see why you feel a bit miffed, but I agree that sex without kissing would feel very odd and sort of transactionary, and I wouldn't be keen on kissing someone with a cold either. It sounds as if there was a bit of miscommunication about what it meant that he wanted you to stay over. The leg-stroking sounds as if he means it as a sort of less contact-y hug...?

Gawjushun Mon 17-Nov-14 12:01:09

YABU. It's a pain in the ass trying to shake off a cold, and I avoid kissing my DH when he has one.

Then again, if you're sleeping in the same bed then you've probably passed on germs anyway!

JohnFarleysRuskin Mon 17-Nov-14 12:03:45

This is my DH!

It really annoyed me at first. When I'm ill I like to be loved! When he's ill he likes to be in isolation...We've got used to each other now.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 12:05:04

We'd been in close proximity all night and shared a water bottle at the concert so I did point out he probably has my germs anyway! I can see how I might have been a bit over sensitive, but I wouldn't have stayed with him if he was going to feel uncomfortable about the fact I had a cold!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 17-Nov-14 12:06:10

I think the leg stroking was him trying to say - I still like to be near your but I don't want your cold!

I would have gone home though, when I'm ill I want my own bed.

Riverland Mon 17-Nov-14 12:07:42

No goodnight hug is a bit sad, isn't it?! I'd have piped up and asked for a hug, or for some spooning, anyhow.

WorraLiberty Mon 17-Nov-14 12:10:30

He should have hugged you

But other than that, I don't blame him really.

grocklebox Mon 17-Nov-14 12:12:33

I think you are a comma short of the point you mean.

whiskeylemsip Mon 17-Nov-14 12:17:07

Yes, grocklebox, a typo. I am aware but can't seem to go back and correct it.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Mon 17-Nov-14 12:19:47

I think he probably just didn't want to spend all night with a boner! If you are always having sex then a cuddle would probably have got him excited and made for an uncomfortable night. Agree with others that it is a good sign he wanted you to stay even when he didn't want to shag you being all germy.

Whatisysystemidfor Mon 17-Nov-14 12:24:33

I think you are a comma short of the point you mean.

Someone's a post short of good forum etiquette.

OP, he sounds like a nice bloke. Everyone's a bit grumpy when under the weather, aren't they? So not massively unreasonable for you to be a bit put out.

googoodolly Mon 17-Nov-14 12:42:12

It's good that he asked you to stay even though you're sick. That shows he does care for you and wants to spend time with you regardless of how well you are!

I think he probably could have dealt with it better and could have probably given you a kiss on the forehead or something, but I don't think it's anything to be offended over, really. I avoid DP like the plague when he has a cold!

claraschu Mon 17-Nov-14 12:48:25

Leg stroking is him trying to cuddle a bit without picking up your cold. I think he wants to be with you and doesn't want to get ill. Sharing the water bottle was him forgetting for a moment that you had a cold.

I hope you feel better soon. He sounds nice!

CherriesAndOtherStuff Mon 17-Nov-14 13:31:06

Sounds fair enough to me.

FannyBlott Mon 17-Nov-14 13:36:59

YABU, I never kiss DH on the mouth when he has a cold! He coughs up snot that I don't want in my mouth and I can smell the cold. I also don't want to catch it.

Wilf83 Mon 17-Nov-14 13:37:11

Yabu. I don't kiss DH when he has a cold. I think it's sweet he still wanted you to stay over though he knew sex wasn't in the cards. It could be a lot worse- he could have asked for doggy position!!!

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