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AIBU to not allow my 15 yo to use candles?

(52 Posts)
bellarations Sun 16-Nov-14 20:50:12

She wanted to light a candle in her room, it is of typical teenage landscape, clothes, papers and the like everywhere. I feel nervous of her leaving it unattended or knocking it over, she is abit clumsy.
I said she could light it whilst in the bath because then she could keep an eye on it.
She came down for her tea, about an hour went past when I could smell an extinguished candle. My youngest ds 6 said he blew it out.
I got very cross and told her to throw it away because she can't be trusted, (not a good reaction, I know I was annoyed, my baby is asleep in the next room). She is blaming me for not telling her it couldn't be left. I bloody well did and besides if she needs this pointing out, surely she is too young to understand basic safety with candles.
I feel like a big cow pat and she is sulking.
AIBU? Would you give another chance?

formerbabe Sun 16-Nov-14 20:53:20

No don't let her use candles! I think they are a massive fire risk. Get her. some of those battery operated 'candles'. They look the same (ish) but no real flame.

SallyMcgally Sun 16-Nov-14 20:54:50

YANBU at all. They are the cause of loads of house fires. She's not sorry, she's sulking, which doesn't suggest that she realises she needs to take the responsibility. I'd give her another chance in a few months or so, if she seems to grow up a bit in the meantime.
I don't think many 15 yr olds would be great about this tbh, and certainly I was the queen of sulking at that age, but she sounds too young to be allowed naked flames.

skylark2 Sun 16-Nov-14 20:56:36

I agree with formerbabe - not safe at all in a bedroom, and I love having candles in the living room, we have one on the hearth most evenings. I've just bought dd some battery operated tealights so she can have some Christmas sparkle in her uni room.

ILovePud Sun 16-Nov-14 20:57:02

Speaking as someone who set her bedroom curtains on fire with a candle when she was a teenager YANBU.

Elderflowergranita Sun 16-Nov-14 20:57:41

Definitely YANBU!

Roomba Sun 16-Nov-14 20:58:22

YANBU! A lady I worked with ended up with a huge house fire due to her DD lighting some candles. And she was generally a very 'sensible' girl.

MassaAttack Sun 16-Nov-14 21:00:50

I lit scented candles in at attempt to mask the smell of spliff smoke at her age hmm

I'm not sure which was worse - the fire risk or the drugs. Either way, yanbu.

IceniMist Sun 16-Nov-14 21:01:28

Just checking ILovePud isn't SIL who set fire to her curtains while sleeping, as a teen.

M6J23a Sun 16-Nov-14 21:02:15

I won't let my 18 year old light candles in her room. The state of the room is a fire hazard and she's not careful. I bought the battery operated ones for her.

bellarations Sun 16-Nov-14 21:12:11

Thank you all for your replies. I feel more confident that candles at her age are a bad idea rather doubting myself because she is sulking and not talking to me now.
Exactly M6-
That's why I suggested the bathroom.
Room- that's what scares the shit out of me, three years ago we had a massive house fire, I'll never get over it even though we were all very luckily unharmed, physically at least.

FrancesHouseman Sun 16-Nov-14 21:12:25

Just to add to the YANBUs, YANBU!

Had to help my sister at a similar age extinguish a fire in her bedroom without Mum noticing. Good times!

FrancesHouseman Sun 16-Nov-14 21:13:09

Sorry, just cross posted with your revelation about your house fire. I really didn't mean actual good times.

CheeseEqualsHappiness Sun 16-Nov-14 21:14:55

Just bought one of those flickering ones which is controlled by a magnet and has a timer. It's wax and looks very very real

CheeseEqualsHappiness Sun 16-Nov-14 21:15:27

By the way, I set fire to my hair when I was 15 leaning over a candle in my bedroom

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sun 16-Nov-14 21:16:17

I don't think 15 is too young for a candle if her parents had taught her basic fire safety? Have you really never talked to your children about candles? Do you ignore teaching other common sense too?

VivaLeBeaver Sun 16-Nov-14 21:17:07


I set some shelves on fire as an 18yo as had no idea the flame from a candle on the lower shelf would make the bottom of the higher shelf hot enough to combust!

Even now the only candles I will have are those ones in a tin.

Pippin8 Sun 16-Nov-14 21:17:48

I've had this with DS who is 15. I bought some gingerbread scented candles & he loved them & asked if he could have one for his room.

His is the same, clothes & school work everywhere. I said a firm no & as a compromise said he could have these imitation battery led ones I've had in a cupboard forever.

ILovePud Sun 16-Nov-14 21:18:05

Well I told my Mum I was sleeping, actually I was in the bath with my boyfriend, are you my SIL ? A is that you? blush

rootypig Sun 16-Nov-14 21:18:44

Show her a fire safety video? so that she knows it's not just you being one of those awful mothers that most teenagers seem to have, determined to destroy their children's every pleasure in life grin

TooMuchCantBreathe Sun 16-Nov-14 21:20:47

Would one of the jar candles work? My dd has one. They're wide and short so hard to knock over and the flame is largely contained. Actually scratch that, she does need to be trusted to blow them out when she leaves the room regardless! My ds uses the jar type and is great with them (13yo) however my 17yo dd still can't grasp turning off hair straighteners (has burnt both carpet and bed) so isn't allowed anything that heats up in her room!

TooMuchCantBreathe Sun 16-Nov-14 21:21:47

Sorry first line obviously should say ds blush

morethanpotatoprints Sun 16-Nov-14 21:23:05

YANBU, full stop.
cigs and candles were the way my ds2 then aged 17 burned his room down and could have killed us all.
It was his response to this that finally gave us an aspergers diagnosis, another thread though.
It's not worth the risk, even if they are knowledgeable with H&S.
Nobody sets out to start a fire by accident.

Purplepoodle Sun 16-Nov-14 21:23:29

What about one of those scentsy burner things as wax melts with a bulb

bellarations Sun 16-Nov-14 21:26:27

It's ok Frances. I read your post as if you were reminising a happy youth.
This is actually helpful to know it's not just me that thinks candles are a bad idea for her at her age.

Need a bum change - it's ok that you disagree, but your rudeness is unnecessary.

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