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Wedding Gifts

(25 Posts)
Member293442 Sun 16-Nov-14 13:13:21

My nephew is getting married in Spain this summer. I have just received the invitation, instead of a gift they( via a nauseous poem) have requested cash towards their honeymoon instead of a gift.
I appreciate getting married in Spain is cheaper than UK .also getting married midweek is also cheaper. However to enable me to attend, I have to pay the flight and accommodation costs, take unpaid leave from work.
I am happy to to give a present, but feel that I don`t want to contribute to their honey moon .
I would like some light hearted /humorous advice to relay my view to them

They've got a bloody cheek asking for money on a foreign wedding!
The ones I've known they've just stayed on a week in the resort.
Cheeky buggers!

BlinkAndMiss Sun 16-Nov-14 13:18:39

I'd send them a little poem back (limerick style?) telling them they're not having money.

Cheeky swines.

Please share the poem smile.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 16-Nov-14 13:20:56

Isn't the wedding in Spain also the honeymoon?

Vinomcstephens Sun 16-Nov-14 13:29:57

If you don't want to give cash as a present then don't. It's really that simple. You don't need to make any kind of "point", you really don't need to send a "lighthearted" response to relay your view. What would that achieve other than to make you look daft?

I honestly don't get these threads. I have never in real life come across anyone who gets wound up about wedding requests for money, and trust me, my life at the moment seems to be an endless round of attending weddings and happily stuffing cash into a card as a present. It's only on here that it seems to be the greatest crime imaginable!

Give an entirely different gift, and enjoy the wedding smile

OwlCapone Sun 16-Nov-14 13:32:01

If you don't want to give cash as a present then don't. It's really that simple. You don't need to make any kind of "point", you really don't need to send a "lighthearted" response to relay your view. What would that achieve other than to make you look daft?

I agree with this 100%

BauerTime Sun 16-Nov-14 13:40:07

I don't think there is anything wrong with stating a gift preference in general, but i do think its a bit of a cheek to expect a gift if attending requires a trip abroad. Tell them you cannot justify the cost of attending AND a gift and they will only get one or the other.

I one received an invite to a wedding in Mexico (cost £1500pp) and a JL gift list. The cheeky buggers got neither once they threw the 'it's so much cheaper to get married abroad' line out there.

fredfredgeorgejnr Sun 16-Nov-14 14:00:07

Just give the gift you want, or indeed no gift at all.

I thought the main reason for getting married abroad was not that it was cheaper, it was all those people you didn't really want to come, and who didn't really want to be there would have perfectly reasonable excuses for not going.

For someone I wouldn't want to give a gift they wanted to receive (ie cash to contribute to a larger gift) I certainly can't possibly imagine going to the wedding of even if it just cost a trip in the UK, no way if it cost a lot!

Just give them your best wishes, no need to spend any money you don't want to, or to make a point moaning about it. Their decision to marry midweek in spain, and their decision to ask for a gift of their honeymoon are not insane enough that you need to comment on them.

MissBattleaxe Sun 16-Nov-14 14:08:04

YANBU. If you're expecting guests to fork out to watch you get married abroad, that is plenty, you do not ask for money on top of that.

No need to reply, just give a nice card on the day with no money in it. If you really feel you don't want to go empty handed- a nice picture frame needn't cost a lot. But to be honest, I think the fact that you are using up your time off and hard earned wages to attend their special day should be more than enough!

TidyDancer Sun 16-Nov-14 14:12:13

I'm not a fan of money requests, v rude imo, but it's even worse when its a wedding abroad that's going to cost you significant money to attend anyway.

Don't stoop to the cringy level though, if you want to buy a gift, buy one, but don't respond to the poem <ick>.

addictedtobass Sun 16-Nov-14 14:16:29

Just give them a voucher, I agree with those saying there's no need to make a point. When my friends married abroad they preferred money because they didn't want people hiking things over on the plan and them having to pay to get it all back. Some people gave gifts but they kindly waited until the couple had returned.

MissBattleaxe Sun 16-Nov-14 14:17:33

don't give them a voucher! They've been grabby enough already!

carlsonrichards Sun 16-Nov-14 14:19:20

I wouldn't go to this wedding, even of my nephew. Or give him money for a honeymoon.

Since you are going, I'd give them a nice card and tell them you are skint.

Fucking grabby gits.

addictedtobass Sun 16-Nov-14 14:20:10

If OP wants to give present and not money then a voucher for £5, £10 whatever makes more sense. Otherwise she has to hike a gift over, hoping it won't get damaged and adding to her own weight limit and the couple have to hike it back.

magpiegin Sun 16-Nov-14 14:22:34

I agree with other posters. Give whatever gift you want and there is no need to make a point. You don't need to tell them anything.

OwlCapone Sun 16-Nov-14 14:23:33

How is money any more grabby than a wedding gift list?

LaurieFairyCake Sun 16-Nov-14 14:26:42

I'd be very happy to give £50 and not go - I would never pay to attend a wedding abroad, not even a very close relative

KoalaDownUnder Sun 16-Nov-14 14:27:34

I wouldn't say anything, but I wouldn't give them anything either.

They are bloody rude.

As for a wedding in Spain being 'cheaper' - well, yes - for the bride and groom! Certainly not for the guests. It's an unbelievable cheek to ask them to help pay for your honeymoon on top!

LoisWilkerson1 Sun 16-Nov-14 14:32:22

I think most people who request money know not everyone can/will and will be happy with a small present. I wouldn't send a poem back, its a bit pa, unless you are joking and its just for fun on here in which case.....
<rolls up sleeves>

AuntieStella Sun 16-Nov-14 15:02:01

" Otherwise she has to hike a gift over, hoping it won't get damaged and adding to her own weight limit and the couple have to hike it back. "

No reason to do this at all. Traditionally, presents were never taken to the wedding itself, but sent to the couple (usually before the wedding, so thank you letters could be written over time as received and then all you had to do was post them out afterwards). Given the logistics of dealing with gifts on the day (a lovely problem to have, but a problem nonetheless) it's a bit of tradition that needs reinvigorating.

carlsonrichards Sun 16-Nov-14 15:03:22

Spain isn't the honeymoon? They need another trip abroad?

addictedtobass Sun 16-Nov-14 15:19:31

AuntieStella I was responding to the people saying OP should take a present over. In my first comment I mentioned that it was better to wait until after if taking a gift, as was done for my friends when they married abroad. If OP wants to take the present with her as some people have suggested a voucher is better then hiking one over.

BauerTime Sun 16-Nov-14 15:25:16

Exactly Koala. Especially if it's the all inclusive kind where guests effectively pay for their own wedding meal, drinks the lot. It costs the B&G fuck all over and above the cost of going themselves. While I don't mind that per se, I do take offence to the 'it's cheaper' crap as it is totally unappreciative of the cost to the guests.

Bridezilla3521 Sun 16-Nov-14 15:30:48


Don't see the issue with asking for money for Wedding presents, surely it takes the pressure off of wondering what to buy?! And you're not wasting money on things they may already have?

Just give them 20euro if it's that big of a deal.

WooWooOwl Sun 16-Nov-14 16:14:32

It's rude to ask for money as a gift, and it's even more inconsiderate and grabby when you're asking people to go abroad to attend your wedding.

Just don't give them anything, you don't need to make your view known.

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