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AIBU to beyond pissed off and utterly fuming at this?

(61 Posts)
Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:23:11

This is a long story, I'll try and keep it short but in absolutely fuming.

I have two Sisters, A&B. Every year me and Sister A go to Sister B's for Christmas Eve. Her husband hates us and all the family. It's the only time we get invited over and if we don't go he makes Sister B's life hell. We don't like going because we have to wait around all day until they say we an come over and we aren't made to feel particularly welcome. We do it for Sister B's sake, to keep the peace and so she doesn't have a crap Christmas with him telling her her family hate her.

This year my Son has come out as transgendered. Sister B hasn't told her husband because she thinks he will go mad. So because of this we have been uninvited to Christmas Eve so he doesn't find out.

I'm absolutely fuming that after all these years of going out of our way to keep him happy so he doesn't take it out on her we've been ousted.

I've told her how I feel and now I feel guilty for upsetting her but I'm still so cross. AIBU.

Arlagirl Sun 16-Nov-14 12:24:21

Why would you spend time where you aren't wanted? See your sister on her own.

formerbabe Sun 16-Nov-14 12:25:07

Her husband hates us and all the family. It's the only time we get invited over and if we don't go he makes Sister B's life hell

I am really confused...if he hates you all then why does he make her life hell if you don't go?!

nevercackle Sun 16-Nov-14 12:25:25

Tell her if she needs you, she knows where to find you and then walk away.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:25:55

I really don't know why he wants us there if he hates us so much.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:26:43

We try to see our Sister on her own but he makes her life he'll tells her we hate her or we would go and see her at Christmas.

DidoTheDodo Sun 16-Nov-14 12:26:43

Far too complicated. See the people you like and avoid those who are unpleasant.
I think I'd be pleased to be uninvited to any of these people's celebrations!

Abra1d Sun 16-Nov-14 12:26:58

I would count this as a lucky release!

Plan a lovely day for you and your immediate family, doing exactly what you want to do. Bliss.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 16-Nov-14 12:27:18

Eh? Why is she with him?

hackmum Sun 16-Nov-14 12:27:32

Well, I can see why you're so pissed off, OP, but best count it as a lucky escape. Every year you have a ghastly time on Christmas Eve and now you can do something nice instead.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:29:34

I know I should be happy for a release, I didn't want to go anyway but I'm still pissed off. We've always got her back and put her before our own families and now she's showing exactly where her loyalties lie.

bringbacksideburns Sun 16-Nov-14 12:30:15

Why on earth do you feel guilty??
This is your child who you are supporting. Your sister needs to stand up to her Bully of a husband and you were right to tell her you were right to tell her how you felt.

It's wrong to tiptoe round controlling people. This sounds like it's been going on for years and like you said, you have put up with it to keep the peace for your sister.

Make this the best Christmas Eve ever for your family and sod em, i say.

onepotatotwopotato Sun 16-Nov-14 12:32:40

I'd be tempted to invite your sisters to visit you at some point over Xmas.

He probably won't come, if I've understood your OP but you will still see your sisters.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:34:11

She won't be allowed to come.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:35:11

She's only able to see us in her lunch break once a week without him knowing.

dreamingbohemian Sun 16-Nov-14 12:35:57

I'm not sure why you're mad at your sister -- she's clearly in an abusive relationship with a twat. He's the one to be most angry with. Is there any chance of helping her get away from him?

Don't get me wrong, I think the situation is really messed up for you, but all your posts are about how angry you are with her and not him.

Fairenuff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:36:38

OP are you saying that your sister is in an abusive relationship or does she just chose to side with her husband?

yellowdinosauragain Sun 16-Nov-14 12:37:41

What dreamingbohemian said.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:38:17

We've told her he's abusive until we are blue in the face. We've told her she can stay with either of us if she needs to get away. She won't leave him though, I wish she would I really do. I do know what your saying and that is why I feel bad.

catkind Sun 16-Nov-14 12:39:18

I think your sister is in a massively abusive relationship here. She's a victim in this. She may not admit it to herself yet, which makes it difficult to have a relationship with her. I think all you can do is - when you do get to see her - let her know that this isn't how normal marriages work and she deserves better. Let her know that you do care about her and if her husband says otherwise he's just trying to make her feel bad. And be there for her if she ever wants to get out. I don't know how you do that tactfully though.

Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:39:22

I don't know if he's physically abusive but he's definitely emotionally abusive.

catkind Sun 16-Nov-14 12:40:00


Sopissedofff Sun 16-Nov-14 12:40:05

Cat we have told her all that.

differentnameforthis Sun 16-Nov-14 12:40:14

dreamingbohemian Said exactly what I was thinking, but couldn't find the words for.

Yes, this is very upsetting & annoying for you, but for years you sister has been living in a controlling, abusive relationship & no one seems to want to help her.

bringbacksideburns Sun 16-Nov-14 12:40:25

There isn't a lot more you can do though. I think your priority right now is your child.

All you can do is assure her you are there to help her if and when she decides to leave this man.

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