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Difficult wedding invite wording

(51 Posts)
umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:13:44

AIBU to ask you how on earth to possibly word this for an invite I am designing for someone please? The bride is having a day and evening set of invites but wants to say to people coming to the evening do that they are also welcome to come to the actual ceremony then leave and return for the evening part (but not be included in the sit down meal in afternoon)? Racking my brains on this one!

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 16-Nov-14 00:15:38

Maybe on the evening invite have in small writing at the bottom

"Additionally, the Ceremony will be held at St Mary's Church, Warwick, at 12noon should anyone wish to attend"

AnotherEmma Sun 16-Nov-14 00:20:32

Weird, I would have the thought the bride and groom would decide their own wording and if you're designing the invites you would do just that (the layout and design). But maybe you are advising them too?
I guess the sensible thing would be to include the ceremony and evening party details on the invite. Say people can go to one or both, whichever they prefer.
I've always thought it strange to have two "classes" of guests, though, and expect the bottom class to hang around while you feed the top class! But that's another thread wink

Clairesafatgirlsname Sun 16-Nov-14 00:22:44

I had this, I realise now it's a bit of a faux pas, but there were people I wanted to invite to my wedding (the ceremony) but wanted an intimate wedding 'breakfast' (family only) I think we worded our invitations like
'Please come to our wedding <ceremony time and date and venue> we'd love for you to rejoin us and celebrate our marriage at <reception time and venue>

wheresthelight Sun 16-Nov-14 00:23:20

I did this with my wedding invites, I just popped a note on saying they were more than welcome at the ceremony which was at x time and location

umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:29:02

Ok thank you; some good suggestions here. Yes it is an awkward one - it's for a good friend so I have got more involved with the wording than I usually might with normal clients! She is lovely too and worried about causing offence but it's not one I've had to deal with before so wasn't sure what to suggest!

umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:32:59

Also the ceremony is at the same venue as the day and evening part as it's one of those places that has a wedding licence (not a church then hotel for example) so it's difficult to say 'come to the wedding, bugger off for a bit then come back to the same place later!' as it's not in a city centre for example where you can walk off and entertain yourself easily for a few hours..

AnotherEmma Sun 16-Nov-14 00:38:30

Well if the ceremony, reception (meal) and evening party are all at the same venue, I really don't think you can do it that way. You just can't. It's not about the wording it's the logistics of the day! Either invite people to the whole thing or just the evening.

Bogeyface Sun 16-Nov-14 00:39:47

I think you should steer her away from mentioning it at all then.

If it was "Church, sit down, evening party" then she could get away with it, was very common when I was young (many years ago!). But saying "come to the ceremony, bugger off while I feed the A list then come back for a buffet later" is a faux pas with a hotel wedding.

Bogeyface Sun 16-Nov-14 00:40:58

Of course it anyone asks then she could tell them, but putting it in the invite is not something you can do without causing offence.

choirmumoftwo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:41:56

I wouldn't mention the ceremony at all on the evening invites. If they're interested enough, they'll ask for the details and come along to watch of their own volition.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sun 16-Nov-14 00:45:44

Well that's a bit different. Anyone in the world is able to come to a church wedding, invited or not - it's what makes sense of the 'any objections' bit. I think it's a whole world of pain though to invite people to a ceremony that's a bit out of the way, then expect them to amuse themselves for a few hours.

She shouldn't mention it on the invites.

umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:48:51

Yes that's what my thoughts were; much easier to word if in split locations. I will have a chat; I know it's been suggested with best intentions as I don't think they can afford a big do for the whole day and are both popular fun people so expect they have a lot of people they'd want to include but not possible for the whole shebang...

Viviennemary Sun 16-Nov-14 00:50:12

Usually anyone can go to the church. But it will only cause confusion if the church is mentioned on the evening inviitations. I'd think it was a bit cheeky if it said on the invitation come for the ceremony but go home till the evening.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 16-Nov-14 00:53:16

If they are having the ceremony at a hotel, that hotel would usually arrange the room.for the number of invited guests. As it is, she isnt going to.know how many will turn up so the room may either have not enough seats or too many. And think of the cost of extra chair covers if she is having them

Its not like a church which has X seats regardless of if they are required

ravenAK Sun 16-Nov-14 00:57:03

If it were to be held in a town venue, I'd go with ThinkIveBeenHacked's
wording; people could then attend the ceremony, spend the afternoon relaxing at their accommodation, doing other things locally or in the pub & re-group for the evening.

But if it's all at one self-contained venue then I don't think there's a polite way of doing it!

The only thing might be to work out who those likely to want to see the ceremony & then return might be, & organise a lengthy afternoon lunch at a local place for the 'B' team who don't get to attend the wedding breakfast?

I went to a wedding where this happened last year. It worked reasonably well, although it has to be said that those of us on the B team were noticeably more plastered on return to the evening reception than those who had attended the sit down afternoon meal.

umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 00:58:42

The venue is pretty big and as far as I know set up for any large amount of guests (no special chairs etc) but the issue is more likely cost per head for sit down meal and large social group to invite!

Marcipex Sun 16-Nov-14 01:06:21

I'd be far from impressed with an invitation saying Come to our wedding, but make yourself scarce for hours while we wine and dine our better friends, then return for the evening party.

No thanks.

caroldecker Sun 16-Nov-14 01:20:57

Can they do an intimate meal before the wedding and have the wedding just before the evening do?

caroldecker Sun 16-Nov-14 01:20:57

Can they do an intimate meal before the wedding and have the wedding just before the evening do?

caroldecker Sun 16-Nov-14 01:21:20

Can they do an intimate meal before the wedding and have the wedding just before the evening do?

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 16-Nov-14 01:24:49

I think you can do it, with careful wording.

I think you invite them to the evening do. That's the invitation. Then you add a note to saying something like - unfortunately we are unable to include everyone we would like to at the wedding breakfast, but if you would like to join us for the ceremony it will be at x o'clock, but please don't feel obliged.

I think it's only rude if you expect them to attend the ceremony and come back for the evening do. Not if you invite them to the evening but say they are welcome to come to the ceremony if they want to. Big difference in my opinion.

Of course this relies on people not trying to crash the wedding breakfast, so she might want to be choosy about who she extends that invitation to wink

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 16-Nov-14 01:25:56

caroldecker

No you really can't do that.

No you really can't do that.

No you really can't do that.

grin

umbongoumbongo Sun 16-Nov-14 01:30:06

I like that Chipping thanks… especially the not feeling obliged bit… makes it less cut and dried

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 16-Nov-14 01:41:44

What we did for ours was to invite people for the evening paaartaaaay and wrote on the invitation that the ceremony was taking place at 2.00 at the church and all were welcome, if they wanted to pop along. All of our evening crew were quite local though, and quite a few did do this.

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