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To genuinely wonder why some children do this?

(75 Posts)
ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 15-Nov-14 19:54:01

Take other children's belongings and run off with them and hold them out of their reach?

Out tonight with a few friends for a local event...one of the DC took my DD's toy and ran up the road with it laughing and holding it out of her reach.

My DD is 6 and the other child is 8. Not a lot of difference in age but enough that the older child was faster and taller.

I never said anything at first...but I wanted to...I just thought "Where's the fun in that?" confused and thought that rather than appear precious, I'd wait and watch to see if the other child handed the item back after a moment...but she never and my child was pleading as the toy was brand new today.

So I said "Give it back please" as I approached and she did so immediately.

Do your DC play in this way? Do you allow it? The child in question is usually well behaved I think.

ShatnersBassoon Sat 15-Nov-14 19:57:36

It's just teasing, a little bit of showing off and the need to prove "I'm taller than you," which is evidently very important for growing children.

It's not nice, but usually harmless and can be quickly nipped in the bud, as you found out.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Sat 15-Nov-14 19:57:49

It's not playing. It's bullying.

WalkingInMemphis Sat 15-Nov-14 19:58:23

My two do this to each other sometimes, and the 'thief' runs away giggling, and the other chasing...both of them in fits of laughter.

They're 4 and 6 and it's a mutual game, but I've never seen them doing it with another child. I think it's pretty easy to judge the intent of the child doing it, and whether they're being mean or just trying to engage the other in a game of chase.

Vitalstatistix Sat 15-Nov-14 19:59:25

They do it because they think they're funny.

Sometimes it might be jealousy or spite or bullying but often I think they just do just think they're funny. It gets a reaction. Attention.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Sat 15-Nov-14 19:59:49

No none of my kids did this. They were brought up better. They have empathy. It's bullying.

EndoplasmicReticulum Sat 15-Nov-14 20:00:57

Mine do this to each other all the time. It's a really good way to wind your brother up. As far as I know they have not done it to other children.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Sat 15-Nov-14 20:01:24

Of course if they are both laughing that's fine.

GetTheRedOut Sat 15-Nov-14 20:03:22

DSD does this with her cousins. It has varying results and we've had to step in once or twice. The cousins live 300 miles away and see each other all the time whereas DSD only sees them all when we can afford to visit. I can't speak for all kids but for her it's a way of getting them to play one-on-one with her and to create a place in the group for herself.

GetTheRedOut Sat 15-Nov-14 20:04:26

No none of my kids did this. They were brought up better.

Bit judgmental.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sat 15-Nov-14 20:04:33

My cousins used to do this to me when I was little. I hated it. But that's kind of the point isn't it? They were like big sisters and brothers to me, they'd tease me in a million ways, didn't stop me adoring them and going back for more?!

Fayrazzled Sat 15-Nov-14 20:04:51

It's not necessarily nice, but I think it is a bit harsh to term it bullying. Too much behaviour in children is deemed to be bullying these days, which actually undermines the seriousness of bullying where it does occur. I think it has to be repeated behaviour with the intention to hurt, which is not necessarily true in the scenario outlined.

OP, you handled it well. It is fairly common behaviour in children, not nice like I said, but you stopped it. I wouldn't overthink it.

Nomarymary Sat 15-Nov-14 20:05:08

It's teasing with a hint of bullying (I'm bigger than you) and it's horrible to be on the receiving end.

I don't think it means the child in question will turn into a psycho adult. It's just a phase.

I hope you had a serious word with the child about being cruel to younger children as 2 years age difference is a lot at this age.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 15-Nov-14 20:06:11

Chilling I feel a bit like that myself...I know that might seem as though I think I'm a "better parent" than others but I don't...I'd just never, ever allow this from my own DC....I wanted to see if I was alone in that.

From the posts here it seems you and I are in the minority though!

I don't think it's nice and my DC would never do it to another child.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 15-Nov-14 20:07:47

Mary no I didn't....mainly because she ran off in the opposite direction and we were leaving. I think her parents would take a dim view of this kind of play but they never saw.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Sat 15-Nov-14 20:08:54

Oh and the worst thing about it is the other child asked my DD "Can I hold it please...PLEASE!??" and when DD was kind enough to hand it over, that was her reward.

NeedABumChangeNotANameChange Sat 15-Nov-14 20:08:55

It's really horrible. I was always the smallest in my class and hated it when other children did this. I think between siblings is fine or between friends if it is two way but to someone who has no chance of getting the item back then it is just cruel teasing.

lomega Sat 15-Nov-14 20:08:56

People did this at my school when I was little and it's depressing, but I think you handled it well by seeing what the kids did first. A lot of the time the object in question wasn't given back unless it was taken by force or the person it got nicked from ended up in tears. I stopped taking anything out with me/to school in the end as I was always worried some git would ruin it.

If I saw my DC do this to another child then stern words would be had later on. If I saw another child do this to my ds then I'd expect the parents to step in if possible and act how you did, but it would upset me.

Shop Sat 15-Nov-14 20:10:26

I don't like it at all, it's really mean.

I absolutely don't think I'm a better parent than anyone (pretty rubbish actually) but I would not tolerate any on my DCs doing this.

bigTillyMint Sat 15-Nov-14 20:12:12

It can be teasing in some circumstances (can think of one occasion when it happened to DD and it was definitely teasing, and DS and his mates might do it/have done it to each other), but it is more often intended to be cruel and if it was an older child doing it to a younger child, I would say it was definitely mean behaviour and should be stopped. You did the right thing to intervene.

ShatnersBassoon Sat 15-Nov-14 20:12:22

From the posts here it seems you and I are in the minority though!

No, most parents wouldn't allow it at all. I just wouldn't be greatly disturbed if I had to stop one kid doing it to another.

Coolas Sat 15-Nov-14 20:13:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marylou2 Sat 15-Nov-14 20:15:07

Poor parenting, lack of supervision, inadequate role models.... where do you start?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Sat 15-Nov-14 20:18:19

It is teasing. Not nice, but it's not really bullying. Children do have to learn to stick up for themselves. When they get a little older, they won't always have Mum or Dad to look out for them. If your own children are the perpetrators, you reprimand them, and can only hope other parents will do the same. At the end of the day though, it is all to do with finding the natural hierarchy. As long as genuine fear and bruises are not involved (when of course you do have to step in, ie, genuine Bullying) sometimes it does them good to learn to sort things out for themselves. Otherwise, how will they know how to deal with "nasty stuff" when they are all grown up?

LaundryFairy Sat 15-Nov-14 20:21:54

DS, who has Asperger's, has been bullied by other children this way many times. I find it so hard to hear people claiming it is all harmless fun - the children responsible clearly knew they were pushing his buttons and upsetting him.

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