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Maybe it is time to let go of this friendship.

(31 Posts)
TheNewWitchOfSWL Sat 15-Nov-14 13:29:04

She is my friend of 10 years.
Last time I saw her, she invited me to go shopping and have lunch. She was going away for a 6 months trip so I made sure I left DD with someone and went all by myself. Got at her home on the time agreed and she had just waking up. Left me with her 'husband' (they are separated but live under the same roof for financial reasons) and took ages to get ready...when she finally was ready I had to wait for her to have breakfast. When it was time to go, she invited her husband to come too and he came. I was a bot disappointed as I wanted time to chat with her and it wouldn't be the same with the husband there. He is a really nice and kind guy, I do like him, but it isn't the same and just being the two of us.

Anyway, as soon as we get to the high street she complains that her shoes are hurting her feet and goes back home to change it. I then have to hang out with her husband, looking for shoe for myself which I really needed for a party. He was great, trying to give me opinions and etc but it isn't the same as having a female friend shoe shopping with you.
Once she came back to the high street she continued to do her own shopping and rang us, we had to go find her. Then we went to have a late lunch and I went home.
Fine.
Fast forward 6 months, she is back and I invited her to come and have lunch at mine today. I invited her 5 or 6 days ago. I promised to cook one of her favourite dishes. Yesterday night I txt her to confirm before I go and buy the fresh ingredients and she asks me if she can invite her husband too? I am again a bit disappointed as there were so many changes in my life in the last 6 months, I wanted to talk to HER about it. My DD is spending the day with her dad so I could do anything with my Sat, I chose to cook for her. Again I though myself being silly and selfish and brushed my feelings under the carpet. Of course he can come.
We agreed for her to arrive at 12. When it is 11:58 she txts me saying they are just leaving their place and won't be here before 1pm.
Not a big deal but I am so deflated now. Will try and have a good day, but I just feel she doesn't appreciate my friendship as much anymore.

And BTW, they aren't a couple anymore, just good friends. I am sure.

cailindana Sat 15-Nov-14 13:31:29

Yeah she's a piss taker. I'd have her over today and then just not bother any more.

KatieKaye Sat 15-Nov-14 13:34:27

I'd text back and say- "sorry, have to go out. Catch up later."

And then go out and switch my phone off.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 15-Nov-14 13:35:59

Yes she is incredibly rude and insensitive. Next time be more assertive and say no. Or just let the friendship fizzle out.

TheNewWitchOfSWL Sat 15-Nov-14 13:36:16

That is what I am thinking. Too late to cancel, even though I thought about it this morning. But after today, I don't think I will make any effort anymore.

MrsPiddlewink Sat 15-Nov-14 13:38:19

She's trying to set you up with her husband...?

TheNewWitchOfSWL Sat 15-Nov-14 13:38:26

I don't want to be fake. I won't fake anything. I think I will be so joyless today that they will eat and quickly go home so I can get on with the rest of my day.

TheNewWitchOfSWL Sat 15-Nov-14 13:40:12

No, she thinks I am still married.
She knows my own marriage wasn't going on well but I was waiting for he to come and visit me so I could break the news and we could talk and talk and talk.
I am disappointed. Will break the news, bit it won't be the same.
Will be interesting anyway, as they are separated but living together...

Coolas Sat 15-Nov-14 13:41:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coolas Sat 15-Nov-14 13:42:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fassbendersmistress Sat 15-Nov-14 13:42:38

I'm sorry but Whilst your friend sounds very self centred, I think you shoulder some blame here. You are letting her walk all over you by constantly compromising so her needs are met, at the expense of your own.

It seems like you don't like confrontation - further highlighted by the fact you would let this friendship go without actually doing anything to save it. For that, YABU. At least tell your friend why you are dumping her and give her a chance to redeem herself.

swarley Sat 15-Nov-14 13:42:39

I thought she was trying to set you up with her husband too.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 15-Nov-14 13:44:39

Maybe she knew your marriage wasnt working and shes keen on dumping the ex, definitely sounds like shes trying to set you up.

maddy68 Sat 15-Nov-14 13:52:07

I think the opposite. She wants to get back with her husband. She's using you as an excuse to go out with him and her , he's your friend as well

Stealthpolarbear Sat 15-Nov-14 13:55:09

There's definitely some sort of hidden agenda!

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 15-Nov-14 13:56:12

Unless the DH felt the same, I couldnt imagine him wanting to hang around with his estranged wife and her friend, unless there was something in it for him.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 15-Nov-14 13:56:22

I agree tge shopping incident woukd have been the death knel for me. When meeting and discovering she's in bed, I would have left, not wait for her to get up, washed, had breakfast etc.

Euphemia Sat 15-Nov-14 13:56:34

I ended a friendship in similar circumstances - life's too short for wasters like her.

Sleepyfergus Sat 15-Nov-14 14:04:45

I also thought that she was setting you and the husband up too.

DuchessofNorks Sat 15-Nov-14 18:20:31

How did it go today OP?

TruJay Sat 15-Nov-14 18:26:25

Another one thinking she's trying to set u up with her ex

twizzleship Sat 15-Nov-14 18:46:14

why not just casually throw it into the conversation - "it's so good to see you both back together!" let them explain why they're still joined at the hip grin

CrapBag Sat 15-Nov-14 20:36:08

YANBU. She is being selfish.

Why on earth does her ex even want to come along with his ex wife and her friend anyway? I can't see DH wanting to do that.

How did it go today when she finally showed up? I do agree with a pp that you should actually have said no to the ex coming along.

Don't bother to contact her again and if she gets in touch with you, be vague and unavailable. That's what I do.

Vitalstatistix Sat 15-Nov-14 20:42:36

Is there no way you can see yourself telling your friend how you feel?

If you have been friends for 10 years, don't you hope that you could say to her when you feel let down?

re her disappearing - is it possible she actually has met a bloke and she is trying to create opportunities to distract her ex so she can talk to the bloke?

Must be difficult if they are living in the same house.

I am just wondering because the shoes hurt thing just seems so transparent.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sat 15-Nov-14 20:45:43

I too thought she was trying to set you up with her ex

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