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To feel sad by this article on marital sex

(73 Posts)
SoddingCupcakes Sat 15-Nov-14 10:40:58

Sent to me by a male friend (that, in itself, deserves an eye roll). I can't pinpoint the exact reason for the depth of sadness this article triggers. Thoughts are:

1. It's unsisterly. Something doesn't sit right about a woman telling all other women what they should be doing for their menz.

2. It does not account for physiological differences between the sexes (men do not endure pregnancy, childbirth and lactation, and all that those things do to a woman's body and her sex drive).

3. There are other ways to show affection.

4. Every night??

5. The insidious way the article tries to dress its advice in a cloak of female empowerment.

Squeegle Sat 15-Nov-14 10:43:46

Well, you know, it's a point of view. You don't have to agree.

SoddingCupcakes Sat 15-Nov-14 10:46:05

AIBU to feel sad? - that was my main Q.

Also, feel free to critique the article. It would be interesting to hear people's takes on it.

ILovePud Sat 15-Nov-14 10:54:51

I disagree with most of that article, I found it patronising about both genders and based on sweeping assumptions and lazy stereotypes. Of course your not being unreasonable to feel saddened by it, that's just how you feel and maybe it tapped into something painful for you. However people have all kinds of different views and experiences of relationships so you're free to disagree with and disregard the author's sentiments if it has no relevance to you.

TooMuchCantBreathe Sat 15-Nov-14 11:04:13

Blurgh what claptrap. Shame she went for sex really, if she'd written an, rather better and less patronising, article saying take the time for a hug, cuddle, snuggle on the sofa (I.e. intimacy not sex) then she may be getting somewhere - possibly hmm

Skinheadmermaid Sat 15-Nov-14 11:05:24

My husband doesn't want to have sex every night, sometimes he just wants to slob on the sofa and watch storage hunters.
confused hmm

PossumPoo Sat 15-Nov-14 11:06:58

You lost me at menz.

ILovePud Sat 15-Nov-14 11:07:26

What's the back story with the friend Cupcakes? I'd feel miffed if a friend sent this to me!

CaptainAnkles Sat 15-Nov-14 11:08:07

Why does men need a z on the end? Men is a plural. I don't get it.

angeltulips Sat 15-Nov-14 11:08:39

Someone posted it in my fb and I thought it was ridiculous. It's all a bit "lie back and think of England to keep your man interested". Not really commensurate with my experience where often it's the wife who has the higher sex drive, for a start.

youmakemydreams Sat 15-Nov-14 11:16:00

I was thinking the same as toomuch when I was reading this. Such a shame she had to make it about sex. Dp and I have both been married before and hopefully learned from some past mistakes.
We promised that when we got yo bed at night we would have a cuddle and we do. The affection and intimacy is what keeps us going. God their are nights he doesn't feel like sex but aahhh we are supposed to do it every night the men want to do it. Riiiight I get it.
Thankfully my dp is a lovely man and wouldn't want me to force myself into the mood to do it every night. And actually the fact that we do have a cuddle every night often does lead to sex because the closeness does spur it on but also because there is no pressure. If either of us only feel like that cuddle.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair Sat 15-Nov-14 11:19:05

My DP sent me the same article which his DB had posted on FB for his DW as a 'hint hint'! (sorry lots of acronyms!)

DP thought it was genius and completely addressed the issues that lots of couples face, but didn't understand why I wasn't so bowled over.

FWIW, our sex life is very much along these lines, we both make time every day and have a great time together. However, it made me think about the reasons this hadn't been the case with XH.

I explained that leaving the washing up and having sex instead is fine, if you're not married to a man who will then come downstairs in the morning and complain about the mess and having to wash up a clean bowl for breakfast.

I pointed out that having more sex doesn't lead to more affection for many women and that if I wanted to have sex with someone who didn't show me affection the rest of the time I could go out on a Friday night and find a willing stranger, without having to make him dinner or ask about his day!

It seems to assume all women are waiting at home while their man is out earning a living and that we should show appreciation for their hard work by putting out. What about the women who also work and pick up the majority of the household tasks?

The article also assumes that sex is amazing and fulfilling for every woman, when very often men don't take the time to make sure it is a wonderful experience for their partner.

I know I'm very lucky that I do want sex every day with my DP and that he is very generous and makes sure it is amazing for me before even thinking of himself. Perhaps that is the article that should have been written - 'How to make sure your wife wants to have sex with you every day by making it amazing.'

formerbabe Sat 15-Nov-14 11:20:18

The media always seems to portray men as being 'up for it' constantly.

I have noticed from mn and women I know IRL that it is often the women wanting more sex than the men.

Plenty of men wouldn't want it every night and plenty of women would!

I also can't stand the assumption that pregnancy/giving birth/motherhood destroys a woman's libido.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 15-Nov-14 11:35:11

Doesn't make me sad, makes me annoyed. Dislike the style, dislike the premise. Feeds into stupid myths about men always being desperate for it and women not.

You only have to be on mumsnet for five minutes to know that men not wanting to have sex as often as their wives - whether it's tiredness, low sex drive, porn whatever- is widely prevalent.

SaucyJack Sat 15-Nov-14 11:40:25

I think if you find it sad it says more about your own relationship than the article itself.

Why must something so basic as sex become some massive feminist battle?

Some people like shagging their OHs.

Back2Two Sat 15-Nov-14 11:44:32

It's just a very lazy and shallow "article"
Just fills space.

WorraLiberty Sat 15-Nov-14 11:45:24

You lost me at menz

Yep, me too.

FraidyCat Sat 15-Nov-14 11:51:17

There may be lots of men who want sex less than their wives, but I don't think it's a myth that the other way around is more common.

Here is a medical advice site saying Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it.

Kundry Sat 15-Nov-14 11:52:59

It's a filler article.

It assumes women have a lower sex drive than men - not the case for many couples.

Although she makes a big deal of not going back to the 1950s, the central premise of the article is that the woman is a SAHM who is doing all the house work. And if she isn't, she ought to let him off doing the cooking.

Finally it also assumes that the man has to make no effort at all to be attractive to the woman - we could just as easily turn the tables and say women like to be fed and have sex, so men cook some dinners, do the washing up, look at your appearance and your wife might want to have sex with you.

It tells us nothing at all about men and women and it's a close call who it patronises the most.

LadyLuck10 Sat 15-Nov-14 11:54:45

Menz/ unsisterlyconfused
Lost me there too

ApocalypseThen Sat 15-Nov-14 11:57:00

Finally, an article that puts all the responsibility for maintaining a household and a relationship firmly back where it belongs.

Take that, stupid feminazis!

trufflesnout Sat 15-Nov-14 11:59:00

You lost me at sisterhood.

JohnFarleysRuskin Sat 15-Nov-14 12:02:46

Really, you don't want to debate with the op because she used the word sisterhood or sisterly?


Yeah, I love the fact that she suggests two alternatives: wash up or have sex. No third way- he could wash up maybe?

FraidyCat Sat 15-Nov-14 12:02:52

I'd really like to see a graph with two lines showing age-related average desired frequency of sex for men and women.

The best I can come up with (after Googling) is a table showing frequency of masturbation, I suppose that must tell you something about the levels of unsatisfied desire. It seems men have higher figures at all ages. (You need to scroll down to get the table for masturbation, the first of the two, which is for masturbation alone.)

U2TheEdge Sat 15-Nov-14 12:12:57

My husband would cry if I suggested sex every night. And not with happiness.

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