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excluded from friendships

(8 Posts)
martymoomoo Fri 14-Nov-14 10:35:41

Although I have friends, I'm always on the periphery of every friendship group that I have. On fb I see what these friends get up to, dinner parties, day trips and girls weekends and yet, I'm never asked to go. I find myself withdrawing socially as I'm hurt and I just don't know what to do. I know I'm very sensitive about being excluded and put this down to being overlooked by my parents throughout my childhood. Should I just accept that this is just the way things are? Or should I be more demanding of friendships and look elsewhere? Anyone else experience this? thanks

WildFlowersAttractBees Fri 14-Nov-14 10:38:57

Sorry you feel this way. Have you tried inviting/initiating the activities?

Perhaps a mumsnet meet up, where are you?

Ilovehamabeads Fri 14-Nov-14 10:41:57

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say this is exactly how my friendships are too. It's not that I have no friends, but the ones I have always have better friends to go out with. It makes me feel really lonely.

martymoomoo Fri 14-Nov-14 10:46:13

Ilovehamabeads, you've just made me cry. That is exactly it, my friends have better friends to do things with. Wildflowers, I'm not the most confident of people so it's hard to initiate things. I was better a few years ago, dh went on a trip so I invited a few girlfriends round for drinks etc but it never went anywhere. When the kids were toddlers it was easier to invite them for coffee whilst kids played but now they're at school it's harder

DrewOB Fri 14-Nov-14 11:06:31

same here so I know how you feel. in my experience, I try not to bore people with mundanities and therefore get forgotten about :S

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin Fri 14-Nov-14 11:07:28

I understand that you find it difficult to invite people to do things, but I think you need to realise it's just saying/typing words and that if people can't make an event, it's not a reflection on you, but a reflection that evrybody is busy and it is hard to find those mutually convenient gaps. I'm meeting friends tonight - it was arranged 6 weeks ago! There's only 3 of us but between, woking late, other commitments, husbands being available etc it was almost impossible.

If I'm arranging anything, I know now - aim for a month away. Now and then people can do things fairly spontaneously but I wouldn't take it personally if I asked a friend to meet for coffee tomorrow and she couldn't make it.

I'm trying to organise a mince pies and mulled wine afternoon before the Christmas holidays - it's like trying to run the UN. But ultimately if no-one comes and I'm stuck with 24 mince pies and 3 litre of mulled wine (mmmmm!), I won't assume it's personal (ha! it probably is grin) and more that it's a busy time of year. Maybe I'm deluded but I think you need to put yourself out there more. The more sociable you seem, the more sociable you'll become if that makes sense?

Frozenchipsareawful Fri 14-Nov-14 11:10:01

Name changed. I can sympathise. It doesnt bother me now but it used to. Just wanted to send you some support. Chin up! cake

Meemoll Fri 14-Nov-14 11:31:53

I'm the same, but I'm trying to accept it and just make the best of it (as in not fall apart at the seams EVERY time this happens to me). I realise I keep trying to make friends with people who just have no interest in meeting up with me. I guess they don't view me as friends then and it is just one sided. Try to keep your chin up chic and maybe friends will come along one day!

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