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Grrrr! Man child husband

(147 Posts)

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becominglessofalurker Fri 14-Nov-14 03:57:11

I know part of this is a little UR but I am really annoyed.
Slight backstory, my lg had tongue tie nd damaged my nipples very badly in the early weeks, so much so that I can still only hand express now that lo is just over 4 months (TMI: If I try to use a pump the open wounds at the base of my nipples weep nd I end up with more of that than milk). Due to this I keep a scolded glass jug next to my bed nd express after every night feed to try to build up my freezer supply.
Because of the bf trouble we have had my husband has been doing pretty much all of the housework so that I can camp out either on the sofa or in bed with lo nd feed constantly (this is cos TT has not been fully sorted out yet).
I am grateful to him but if something isn't done properly it vexxes me.
Anyway, it's 3.30am nd I go to start expressing but after a few squirts I realise the jug has not been cleaned properly nd still has dried milk on from the last time it was used.
WTF!!! How hard is it to clean a jug!?!? So I woke up my husband nd made him go nd wash it.
I know that might have been a little UR as he does have work tomorrow (late shift so can lie in) but aibu to think that it's not hard to have done it right 1st time? He is an adult FFS!

JackieOLantern Fri 14-Nov-14 04:21:20

Why didn't you clean it yourself? I have a newborn and am doing all night feeds. Due to some problems, I'm using shields for now. I leave them by my bed and get up to wash them as needed so I always have clean ones. DH will do it too if I need him to but since I'm the one feeding i'm more likely to notice so I do it 9 times out of 10. If you need a clean jug, then make sure you have one!

Winterbells Fri 14-Nov-14 04:24:54

Yes, I think you are being very unreasonable. You should clean the jug yourself if you want it done to your standards.

becominglessofalurker Fri 14-Nov-14 04:25:20

Like I already said, making him do it again was a bit UR but I was tired and annoyed. For clarity, my question was: Aibu to expect a grown man to be able to wash a jug properly?

eurochick Fri 14-Nov-14 04:29:57

Yabu. Anyone can wash up inadequately sometimes. I get that you are having a tough time, but you are behaving quite shittily.

PS I am up expressing for my 4 month old, so I know how hard the sleep deprivation is but you shouldn't be treating your husband badly as a result.

BastardGoDarkly Fri 14-Nov-14 04:30:20

Well, no YANBU to expect a grown man to be able to wash a jug properly.

However, none of us are perfect, and I think by waking him up to go and do it again, when you were already awake was very unreasonable.

It sounds like you're knackered (understandably) but are taking it out on him.

Winterbells Fri 14-Nov-14 04:33:21

I think you are massively over reacting.

Sometimes little spots get missed and dried milk is notorious for it in my experience, it goes translucent and can be hard to see in soapy water.

Bulbasaur Fri 14-Nov-14 04:55:33

Aibu to expect a grown man to be able to wash a jug properly?


But you are unreasonable to wake someone up and throw a fit because they did it wrong. It was clearly an over reaction. You're also unreasonable for taking your moods out on your husband.

You don't have to breastfeed or pump. Formula is fine too. There are healthy and sickly babies from both feeding choices. If you're choosing to pump, then understand that because of that you will naturally get less sleep. You have every option to switch to formula and get the sleep you need. So don't take out your frustration on your husband. Be mature, and next time just wash the jug yourself. It's not a big deal.

BitchesGetStuffDone Fri 14-Nov-14 05:08:40

I don't get what you wanted achieve with this post.

You obviously know it is not unreasonable to expect someone to wash a jug correctly. However, we all make mistakes, miss dirty marks etc.

You know you have overreacted and been very unreasonable to wake your husband and make him wash the jug. That was really quite mean and unnecessary.

As for calling him a man child when he works and does "pretty much all of the housework" that was very childish and rude.

From now on you should wash the jug yourself so that it is done to your satisfaction. Perhaps you should also apologise to your husband once you have had some sleep and calmed down.

googoodolly Fri 14-Nov-14 05:21:20

Evveryone makes mistakes, and it sounds like your DH is doing a lot of stuff for you - working FT and doing all the housework. That hardly makes him a manchild hmm

It was quite nasty to wake him at 3am to wash a jug. Yes, he should have washed it properly but it's not the end of the world. You should have left it and maybe mentioned it to him the following day, but waking him up and demanding he wash it is just mean.

If a husband came on here and said they were doing a night feed and woke their wife at 3am to do that, there would be cries of LTB.

FoxgloveFairy Fri 14-Nov-14 05:27:41

Yes, you must be exhausted, but I think you have been a bit unreasonable. It's easy to miss a spot washing up. I think it's a bit off to wake him up punitively to clean it. Couldn't you have done it and asked him to try and be more careful with it in the morning? If he's working and doing most of the household stuff, he's probably tired too, albeit his sleep is not as disrupted as yours. Sounds like he's pitching in prettywell to me- bit unfair to call him a man child over one fairly trivial lapse.

Zara8 Fri 14-Nov-14 05:30:07


Your husband is doing everything around the house and you are getting shirty with him for not washing a jug properly?

I know full-time expressing is demanding (I've done it myself). However in my humble opinion if it starts to turn you into an angry irrational rage-monster (I did) and your other half and/or relatives is having to do everything else (he was).... It's time to think of other options to feed the baby.

Your baby won't remember how she was fed but your husband will remember being taken for granted and being treated like crap.

Feeding a new baby isn't supposed to be THAT hard. And I am as pro making-bf-work as it comes. But you sometimes have to get a reality check.

LindyHemming Fri 14-Nov-14 06:36:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 Fri 14-Nov-14 06:42:40

Yabvu, you woke him up at 3:30 AM to clean the jug. That's pretty nasty of you, are you always like this? I feel sorry for him if you are. Why couldn't you use something else, and deal with it in the morning?

JapaneseMargaret Fri 14-Nov-14 06:49:04

If you think a 'man-child' is someone who does all the housework (albeit sometimes imperfectly), while you look after a newborn ... you need to spend some time on the relationships board...!

You don't know you're born.

JugglingChaotically Fri 14-Nov-14 06:53:14

Did you have DDs tongue snipped? I had same problem and solved very quickly once done.

Footle Fri 14-Nov-14 06:55:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrontForward Fri 14-Nov-14 06:58:42

Not washing a jug properly does not make him a man child.

You sound very unreasonable tbh. I'm guessing there is a back story or you are very tired and thus crabby to explain it.

FrontForward Fri 14-Nov-14 06:59:22

Tired and crabby with a small baby is an excuse for almost anything in my book btw smile

alwaysstaytoolong Fri 14-Nov-14 07:02:45

He made a mistake. You threw a tantrum. He's not the child in this scenario.

You're expressing all the time. He's working and doing the housework. You're both tired, try to give each other a few breaks.

Theorientcalf Fri 14-Nov-14 07:10:34

Yabu. You sound like hard work.

professornangnang Fri 14-Nov-14 07:12:14

If someone woke me up to clean a jug, the jug would end up on their head!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Fri 14-Nov-14 07:12:47

op, I've been up since 2.45 with a poorly baby. I can hear dh snoring in the spare room. if I had a dirty jug I'd go and bash him with it, so I think you're doing quite well grin

more seriously, sleep deprivation is a killer, try and be kind to each other.

MyOneandYoni Fri 14-Nov-14 07:16:48

Sit back and relax a bit.
The early days with a baby are really hard (you've had it much harder than most!) and I think EVERYONE wonders if their DH is up to the job.
Give both of yourselves a break and remember the beautiful baby you have created together.
This too will pass...

ByTheWishingWell Fri 14-Nov-14 07:16:54

YANBU to think an adult should be able to wash a jug properly, and be annoyed.

YABU to wake him up to insist that he rewashes it.

YABVU to call him a manchild for making a mistake while doing all the housework and working full-time.

I know how frustrating it is- DP used to wash my pump, nipple shields and DDs bottles and tears in the same water as all the kitchen pans, so they would come out with a layer of grease all over the silicone. Every time, even though I asked him not to every time. In the end I just asked him to leave DDs things for me to do- it was annoying, but not worth having an argument about, as he was also working full-time and pretty hands-on at home. If I were you, I would apologise and blame sleep deprivation!

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