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to be getting annoyed at H?

(44 Posts)
HelpMeGetOutOfHere Thu 13-Nov-14 14:00:41

We have a weekly budget each, pocket money in effect. We both get paid into the joint account, I then transfer money out for the bills/savings etc and then we allocate each other free spending money for lunches, etc.

What is really beginning to annoy me is how H will text me nearly every day and ask if im going near a shop. He'll always say bring the milk in or we need bread/tea/sugar etc. and increasingly he asks for cigarettes. The part that annoys me I that this I all coming out of my 'pocket money' he never pays me back. The milk/bread/papers fair enough they are household items and even though I generally don't use them they are for household usage. Its the cigarettes that annoy me. He's just text and asked me to get him 20 cigarettes, well thats almost £10, twice last week, the week before at least once and he gets all huffy when I ask for the cash back.

The reason im posting is because he's just text and asked me again today so would be the third time since sunday and I've said no, now he's all huffy and sent an arsey text. I don't even smoke. OH and guess who's the one always dipping into my pocket money for the dc lunch or the couple of £ they need for non uniform etc?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 13-Nov-14 14:04:24

YANBU at all! We did the pocket money thing too when saving for our wedding and we both stuck to it. Just explain that you are saying no as you havent been repaid for the last few weeks of ciggies.

Another alternative is that you get £10 extra a week and he gets £10 less but you will buy a packet of ciggies weekly for him

Has he run out

NaiceNickname Thu 13-Nov-14 14:04:52

So what does he spend his pocket money on? And why is he never near any shops to fund his own grubby habit?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Thu 13-Nov-14 14:05:18

Wrt to the kids maybe you should have a Kiddy Kitty for those little things that pop up?

Stalequavers Thu 13-Nov-14 14:07:11

He is taking the piss

steff13 Thu 13-Nov-14 14:10:53

YANBU. If you are regarding pocket money as your personal spending money, then I don't think you should be paying for household things or things for the kids out of it at all. Maybe adjust your grocery budget and create a budget item for the kids' needs so that doesn't happen anymore.

But his cigarettes are his personal items, and he needs to be buying them with his spending money.

NetballHoop Thu 13-Nov-14 14:11:43

Keep the receipts and hand him an expenses claim.

googoodolly Thu 13-Nov-14 14:18:15

Why is the kids stuff and extra food not being budgeted for? You obviously need to keep money aside for this before you divvy up your spends. Once you've done that, then you give yourself seperate spends.

You shouldn't be buying his cigarettes, though.

Whereisegg Thu 13-Nov-14 14:21:17

I want to know what cigarettes you are buying at less than a fiver for 20!

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Thu 13-Nov-14 18:26:20

I thought I put £10? Usually £8 something a pack.

The dc lunch money doesn't usually come out of my pocket money. It's only the odd time that dd who usually had packed lunch declares she wants hot school dinners so need £1.95.

If he was spending all of his money I would increase the pocket money. We only enforced a pocket money as we can both be frivolous with money and if it's there spend it. But he's not spending his money taking packed lunch so he doesn't have to buy lunch out and then spending his cash on yet more fishing gear.

This wouldn't be an issue if say out of the £100 a week he brought all his lunch and cigarettes and then had £20 left over and saved it up. Same as I do really. £100 a week is too much and I rarely spend that. I don't have a lunch break so that I can leave work to pick up dd (8) and be home for when the ds get in. I don't smoke so often save my money up to have a splurge at the make up counters without feeling guilty about it coming out of family money or if I want something expensive that's not necessary.

It really isn't the cash it's the non returning if the favour. If I ask him to pick up something like a bar of chocolate (can't think of a time that I've asked him to pick anything up for me) he would ask for the cash back before handing over the item.

If it's a few things for the house then whichever one of us is at the shop will use the debit card from the joint account.

gamerchick Thu 13-Nov-14 18:29:29

He's taking the piss. Tell him to bulk buy his fags at the beginning of the week or you're wanting the money leaving for you before you get them.

Littlef00t Thu 13-Nov-14 18:37:16

I know it's a hassle but could you amend the standing order from the joint account into his account for the following month to reflect the money you've spent on cigs.

If you keep a tally (receipts) then he can't complain.

I presume you're using the joint account card rather than your pocket money card when you buy these.

Or transfer less in for him to anticipate the spend on cigs and agree to transfer the rest at the end of the month if it's not all been spent.

LineRunner Thu 13-Nov-14 18:38:48

Tell him no, you are not spending your money on stuff that is harmful, and let him huff (and puff) till he gets the message.

Jolleigh Thu 13-Nov-14 18:42:21

I smoke and I'd find this annoying if my none existent OH did this.

Maybe tally up how many packs he's not repaid you for during the week and give yourself that much extra the next week and him that much less?

MajesticWhine Thu 13-Nov-14 18:43:13

Does he never go near a shop? I would just refuse to buy the fags. Or increase your own weekly allowance to cover all the stuff you buy for him and the household.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Thu 13-Nov-14 18:49:02

We live less than two minutes walk from a small londis that's open 6am to 10pm.

We both use the pocket money in cash. Withdraw it on a Friday and I did once suggest cutting the amount as we weren't spending it and would be better saved for spending money on holiday or just saving. H said no to cutting it as it's handy at Christmas because he can then buy presents if he sees any.

He doesn't take the debit card to work with him. He is self employed so has a business credit card for fuel, fares and anything else which if he did need to spend personally on he can.

I think I just a need to be tough and say no. He can stop at the shop on the way home or walk round to londis.

Jolleigh Thu 13-Nov-14 18:51:08

I've changed my mind. If he passes shops regularly and has a londis two minutes' walk away, he's a lazy arse.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Thu 13-Nov-14 18:59:08

Lol Joleigh I suspect you are right!!

Jolleigh Thu 13-Nov-14 19:00:46

If you want to get evil, repeatedly buy him the wrong brand. Trust me, we hate it. Even worse if you're a standard cigarette smoker and get bought menthols.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Thu 13-Nov-14 19:05:41

Joleigh you are evil grin. I'll remember that next time he pees me off.

Feel much better for having had a rant on good old mums net.

Notbythehaironmychinnychinchin Thu 13-Nov-14 19:07:39

Oh this would fuck me off big time.

redskybynight Thu 13-Nov-14 19:12:08

Tell him you're happy to keep buying his fags but he needs to leave a kitty at home for you to buy them from? Or I suppose the next time you ask you could just have no money?

Vivacia Thu 13-Nov-14 19:13:28

Your family has chosen a system, just stick with it. When he owes you money, get reimbursed at the end of the week from his next week's pocket money.

If you don't like the one-sided favours, tell him.

gamerchick Thu 13-Nov-14 19:28:24

Heh yes to the menthols grin

FinallyHere Thu 13-Nov-14 19:29:20

OK, if you know that he would insist on being paid back before handing over the items, why are you not doing the same?

Just asking, because I want to know.

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