Talk

Advanced search

to expect more help from DP? bit of a hormonal rant

(6 Posts)
Jemima1988 Thu 13-Nov-14 01:43:15

I have a 6 week old DS and I am probably very hormonal as I write this. For the past few nights DS has turned nocturnal loves sleeping in the day and he's up every night till around 3-4 in he morning. DP works long hours averaging 60 hours a week. I am BF so do everything at night I very rarely wake him and ask for anything if I do he is quite cranky and tells me it's hard working and being woke up.
It is currently 2 in the morning and again DS is wide awake (4th night running ). It all got a bit much and I broke down in tears due to lack of sleep. DP said I was silly and took the baby for 10 mins while I pulled myself together. He then had a go saying why are you not sleeping when the baby is? If you did you wouldn't be getting yourself in tears.
why do men not understand that you can't possibly sleep all the time when the baby does. I had midwives to see, I had 2 visit my nan, I had 2 drive to his work 2 get the pram coz he left it in his car plus the baby's washing needs doing among other house jobs.
do men just not understand how much work is involved with a new born? Xx

sunflower49 Thu 13-Nov-14 01:55:10

YANBU.
It isn't that men don't understand how much work is involved with a newborn, It's that some people do not take the time or get over their ignorance to know, how much work is involved with a new born.

What is your relationship like generally?Can you sit him down at some point and explain how you're feeling properly and calmly?

This baby isn't your personal responsibility but both of yours, and your well-being is vital to your baby and to the family. He should not be having a go at you, even if he works and can't give practical support during the day, he should be understanding and help you work out how to sort the problem of your being tired out, between yourselves.

Bogeyface Thu 13-Nov-14 01:59:17

This is not the time to discuss what men or do no understand, come back when the baby is sleeping through and we will discuss it then!

Right now you need to look after you.

So, if he drives to work with the pram then he has to bring it back, this is non negotiable. Make that clear.

Why are you still seeing the MW? At 6 weeks he doesnt need them and you dont have to see the HV unless you need to. If DS is healthy, feeding well and weeing and pooing well then you dont need to worry about going to "baby clinic".

Forget housework. If you are tired and the baby is asleep then you sleep too. Dont cook unless you want to, dont do washing/cleaning/shopping unless you want to.."D"H has arms, legs and a car, he can do it.

If he walks in and says "Whats for dinner?" you answer with "I dont know, what do you want to cook?" Dont give in xx

Jemima1988 Thu 13-Nov-14 02:22:50

We have a very good relationship but you are right now is not he time to talk about it. generally I can live of 4 hours a night but when it is 4 days in a row and it's not just waking up for a feed then back to sleep DS wants play time to make him sleepy it can take its toll. my partner and I do the same job so I know it's busy and it can really get you physically and mentally but DS is a new level x

Absofrigginlootly Thu 13-Nov-14 02:33:50

Sympathies!!! I have also been awake all night with my 2 week old for the last 4 nights..... I'm absolutely shattered and feeling very emotional. Hard to 'sleep when they sleep' because of constant interruptions (midwife etc) and I'm not even attempting housework/cooking etc!

Nothing helpful to add (sorry) but just a wave of solidarity!

Charitybelle Thu 13-Nov-14 03:33:23

Hi just wanted to pipe up as am up feeding my ds and feel your pain. I'm lucky my dh is very helpful and doesn't mind being woken in the night if I need him (although I try not to obvs).
Completely second what bogeyface says. I felt like you with PFB and ran myself ragged with exhaustion getting housework done, trying to get fresh air during the day etc etc...
This time I've just hibernated , done only essentially washing and made my dh do all cooking/picking up of takeaways. Having a toddler as well certainly focuses the priorities! I can't afford to let myself burn out! Take the advice, rest whenever you can and get help from your dh at weekends (this is essential for your sanity - not a nice request) let him know that he can be stubborn and stick to the 'I work so you have to do everything at home malarkey' but that you need his help. If he doesn't provide it you'll be on the verge of clinical exhaustion and how does that help him or the child you had TOGETHER!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now